february 28, 2021
hello. i was giving way too much pressure for these love jess notes when really it should be as informal as possible lmao. just kinda unfiltered me, writing whatever for whoever wants to read.
so hello from my notes app on my phone where i write this. currently it's midnight, february 28. i'm literally so, so tired. feeling that end of week/middle of the semester burn out. i'm bummed because i want to write but i'm so mentally exhausted that i can't bring myself to write right now. and i find myself in this predicament a lot. grinding through the day and finally getting to night time, only to be too exhausted to do anything but lay in bed and do something a bit mindless before passing out.
past me has set this insane standard for myself. i applaud myself 6-7 years ago (woah that's a long time) for the way she would update every week. i remember vividly how i would start writing friday night only to update late sunday night and wake up at 5am for school, so excited to see everyone's reactions to the newest chapter. that was so much fun. i'm so happy and grateful that i was able to have found the one passion - the one hobby - that really felt like "me." it brought me so much joy and escapism to little adolescent me and if you've been with me for that long, thank you so much.
but now... i'm older. i'm not the carefree 15/16 year old me that constantly had my stories playing through my head 24/7. i'm 22 now, about to graduate college and head off to graduate school for occupational therapy. i have a job. and the stress, anxiety, and other problems i've been dealing with these past four years have snuffed out those carefree daydreams.
i (quite frankly) have had the worst four years of my life in college lol — with the exceptions being my wonderful boyfriend of over four years, my awesome job working with kids for nearly three years, and my best friends since how many years ago in high school.
things aren't the same. i'm not the same. and so my writing schedule is not going to be the same! i feel CONSTANT writer update guilt, always thinking about how long it's been since i updated, when i constantly say that there are full fledged people who are students, parents, workers, travelers, etc. behind their wattpad profiles.
so this is me trying to be unapologetic for how long it takes me to update. because trust me, if i wasn't weighed down by responsibilities and problems, i'd be writing all the time. but i'm just a tired human being doing her damn best everyday. just like y'all :)
we out here ✨doin our best✨
so this is just a reminder of that. be gentle with yourselves. u doin great bb.
please feel free to share how you're feeling down in the comments. i'd love to chat. talk soon.
love,
jess
p.s. if there's anything you want me to talk about, feel free to let me know :)
