Love, Jess

i want to stop being afraid of wattpad

01.10.19

you can't use up creativity. the more you use, the more you have." 

- maya angelou

dear friends,

i wanted to come back on here to honestly open up to you and communicate with you in length. 

in 2016, i began to slow down on my writing. in 2017, i completely stopped writing. in 2018, i wrote a little bit. however, in 2019, i want to stop being afraid of wattpad. 

for so long, coming onto wattpad felt like a reminder. i see other authors thriving, i see my unfinished works, i see your messages asking me if i'm going to keep writing. and then i think to myself, "i haven't written. you let people down. you let yourself down."

and then i close the app and don't go on for so long. 

i stopped writing because of many different reasons. it first started in my AP language class where my confidence in writing felt shattered. and then i entered college and experienced anxiety i've never experienced before. and then my mom got cancer...

last semester was better - pretty great, even. i reconnected with friends that i pushed away after i shut down. my mom is currently healthy. i got a great part-time job where i tutor kids. i'm in a major that i really do enjoy and not one i've been forced upon by my parents. i forced myself out of my comfort zone and had some great experiences from it. essentially, i took what i learned during my freshman year of college and tried to apply it during my past semester, and i wish to do that this upcoming semester, too. in saying that, i want to stop running away from all of you here on this site.

as of yet, i've experienced nothing but such love and support. i'm afraid my "thank you" doesn't sound genuine because i say it all the time, but i truly do mean it. i feel like i've put so much pressure on myself to deliver such "professional" content that i overthink every little word or every book decision i make that i end up freaking out and closing my word document. but when i wrote a thousand words, when i sleep, and childhood crush, i was just writing down the little films that played in my head. i'm no professional - i was just following a passion, and i learned along the way. and a lot of you stuck by me as i did. 

see, i need to remind myself that i'm no professional. i'm just a college student. not every decision has to be perfect. a first draft of a book is not going to be flawless and THAT'S OKAY! because wattpad is a place for people to be creative and to write whatever their heart desires! and what i need to do is just write like i used to - driven by a little film in my head while also learning more about me and my writing style along the way. so my stories from here on out might be cringe, it might be cliché, it might be full of flaws, but at least i had written something and had fun with it. 

in 2019, i just want to stop being afraid of wattpad and fall in love with writing again. and if you like what i write, i hope you'll stick by me as i continue to learn and create. a big thank you hug to everyone who's stuck by me so far. maybe i'll see you around?

i'm going to strive to get creating again. i'll see you soon! and do please come say hi :) i may suck at answering and take awhile, but i will usually most definitely get back to you!!

<3

love,

jess xx