06.23.17
dear friends,
when i posted this (whatever this is), i'm sure you were hoping that it'd be an update. but the sad reality is that i haven't updated since september of last year. why?
2015 was amazing. my passion for writing was an ongoing fire that always burned strong. i fueled it, with constant dreams of what would happen in the next chapter to epiphanies of ideas i'd come up with in the shower. as "a thousand words" was close to its ending, i pumped out chapters every sunday night before i went to bed. i woke up the next morning to read your comments monday before school started, and i would think about everything that would happen in the next chapter all week before the weekend rolled around, where i spent hours into the night writing, never stopping until i couldn't stay awake any longer. at times, i would write with my eyes closed because i was so tired but my passion kept me typing. i was in my element. i was on a roll.
then 2016 came.
my 2016 started off really rough. i was extremely sad and that made it so hard for me to write. still, i finished "childhood crush" and "when i sleep" before i began the spin off with "a thousand words." vacation in the summer cut down on my number of updates, but i did continue to post. senior year of high school started in the fall and it ate away my time. if you don't know, i only write and update on weekends. so when school extended into my free time on the weekend, i didn't have the time to write. there was always something to do and i was so drained to do anything when i did have free time.
during senior year, i took ap language and composition. while my teacher was great, the class itself gradually destroyed my confidence in writing. it was hard to be told that i wasn't as great at the one thing i thought i was pretty decent at. my positivity and my confidence (in myself and in my writing) plummeted and i couldn't get myself back up for a very long time. i'm still not completely up. with my lack of self confidence and general positivity, i finally called an official hiatus in january of 2017. i hated every time i broke my word saying that i was sure i was going to update during whatever time. even times when i was so inspired, so sure that i was going to be able to write again, i failed. every time i tried to write, i could never do it. i've been detached from my writing for so long that i'm so utterly and completely lost. i don't even know if i know how to write anymore.
my confidence, positivity, passion, and wild imagination was not what it once was. you do not know how sad it makes me to be void of all this. and when i come on the site and see all the "update!" "why haven't you updated?" "you haven't updated in forever" comments, it makes me so utterly upset because i know i haven't written in so long, but it's so hard for me to write now. earlier tonight i tried to write, and i failed. so now i'm writing this.
i wanted 2017 to be the year i found my positivity again. while 2017 hasn't been awful, it doesn't have the spark that 2015 had. i miss writing. i miss the little films that would play in my head that i've transformed into stories for you and for me. i miss the fire that would burn so hot and bright.
positivity is simply not an overnight thing. it is a personal journey that will most likely go beyond 2017. but i want 2017 to be the year that i tried to pick myself up again, and i need your help.
i am bambi on ice. i'm trying to get back on my feet, but i'm struggling. currently, i'm reading stories again to familiarize myself with fiction again (we focused so much on nonfiction that the last timed i read a fiction book of my choice was summer of last year). but since i can't seem to jump into the next update of memory documentation or the new short story i wanted to do, i want to do an exercise that i did in creative writing class. we had three dice with an item printed on them. whatever we rolled and landed on, we had to make a short story on. i'm talking a beginning, middle, and end in one chapter. i think it'd be a helpful exercise for me, and i'd love if you helped me out.
down in the comments below, comment three objects. for example, a daisy, clock, and snake. i'm going to pick one (or maybe even more!) to write about personally on my own.
the other thing i really need your help on is patience. i know it's been so long since i updated, but your patience means the absolute world to me.
i hope you can help me out.
love,
jess
p.s. this is how i sign all my letters in real life and is the inspiration behind the title of this story(thing??)
