hi, everyone :) it's so nice to post this and say hello. as i fight for survival in the darkness of life and in grad school, i've drifted further and further from my creative light. there's simply not enough mental, emotional, or physical capacity for me to creatively write, for a lot of different reasons. but, as a therapist once told me, talking about writing was one of the only things that made me light up during our sessions. so as an attempt to write again, and to remind myself that happy days exist, i've been pulling from my real life to write about. turning real life moments into a real story chapter. i've only done two so far. i wrote this a while ago, and it's very short, but it was very therapeutic to write. but i wanted to share one of them with you, to say hi, to say "i miss you," to say that i will be back to writing one day, but just not now...
i hope you enjoy this day in october.
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Lovely. Simply lovely.
San Francisco, you have been just simply lovely.
This moment here – now – with the view and the sounds and the people and my love sitting next to me... It's all so simply lovely.
I rested my head against Dylan's shoulder and laced our fingers together. Finally, I felt like I was cooling down from our trek to the sandy beach overlooking the Golden Gate bridge. A mist of fog had begun its descent over the red arches, but we were fortunate to have taken a picture while it was still visible.
We'd walked a long way from the incredible architecture that was the Palace of Fine Arts. I'd never seen anything like it. It almost looked like a slice of another country had materialized itself into California. Massive, grand pillars lined along a still, clear lake reflecting the beautiful blue sky above. But although every towering pillar was exquisitely carved with such minute detail, I found myself happiest and most content sitting here on this sandy ledge on the beach.
It seemed like everybody was enjoying the beautiful day, similar to when we sat yesterday outside the Conservatory of Flowers in the grass. Runners and bikers going down the trail. Couples and tourists taking pictures. Families and their dogs playing in the water. A dad and his two year old squealing son walking along the sand before us.
I watched them all, soaked in their joy as much as my skin did the sun, and knew this is worth fighting for. To be able to experience and explore different parts the world with Dylan again and again. To sit amongst peoples' joy and feel the humanity in my heart. To feel peace and wonderment amongst the daily chaos. To maybe one day build a life where I could be enjoying a Sunday without the anchor of stress and depression and anxiety always pulling me down.
These are the moments I wanted to hold on. I wanted to take a snapshot of this day and come back to it when future days seem so bleak and hopeless. I wanted to hold on to the hope I felt here, and carry it with me as I fight for a future where beautiful moments exist more than just rarely.
San Francisco, thank you. You have been simply lovely.
✧✦✧
this piece makes me feel warm :) writing moment from your life is an exercise i definitely recommend.
i will be taking an unofficial hiatus from wattpad – unofficial in that i'm not sure when i'll post, i will still be around on the site, and i want to post more small writings on my instagram. but i will be back to writing stories again, when this whole grad school thing is over (i graduate next may), and if life can stop rocking the waves enough for me to stay above water longer than for a second.
