hi, everyone. while i've been away from writing stories, i've been writing just these random little musings that have kept me grounded or helped me process things as a struggling 24 year old kid in grad school. it's been cathartic, and i reach to re-read them when things get really hard. i wanted to share one of them with you as my 25th birthday draws close. maybe i'll share some more in the future. lots of love, as always x
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written: may 28, 2023
Who is this girl of twenty four? As of today, on this day – who is this girl, this soul, living inside this body?
Let me tell you a little about her.
While it can be hard to say aloud, she knows the truth, deep down. She knows that she can be sweet, and kind, and thoughtful, and caring. She knows that she can be funny, and silly, and shy, and outgoing. She knows she can be creative, and imaginative, and crafty, and handy.
But she also knows other "truths" – at least, truths that people keep trying to tell her are true. Like that the soft curves of her body are connected to her beauty and worth. Like that particular letters of the alphabet on her transcript connect to her intelligence and ability. Like that numbers on her social media profiles connect to her likeability and coolness. Like that her ability to perfect a sentence connect to her talent and creativity.
These "truths" blanket her truths. Stamp it out, trap it in. They paint her pink and yellows with black and grays until she can no longer see what she believes and knows to be true.
But it's there, deep down. Under this grime disguised as truths, she knows hers – her truths, her colors. She knows that her beauty and worth come from so much more than the vessel her soul resides in. She knows that her intelligence and ability are complimented and emphasized by her neverending drive and motivation. She knows her likeability and coolness gauged by everyone shouldn't matter, but that it should be by those who know her and love her, truly and intimately. She knows that her talent and creativity should not take precedence over the passion of storytelling and connecting through sharing.
She knows she's a spring flower in a seemingly eternal winter. She knows she's a summer ray hidden behind dark clouds that just keep storming.
But she's there.
Tired, but persistent.
Splintering, but strong.
Bruised, but fighting.
She knows the softness in this heart of hers, and she tries so very hard to protect it. She tries very hard to protect the light in its center. Protect it from others, and even herself. What more is there to do?
So, to the girl of twenty four and more, reading this perhaps with your eyes and mind leadened with mistruths, reconnect again to your soft heart. There you will find all that you know, and all that you believed. These are your truths. It will always be there. Don't lose sight.
