Prohibited (Tom Felton)

10 | Worried Sick

"Worrying about you drives me mad"

I burst into the classroom with tears in my eyes grabbing my stuff. I don't even bother pulling on my jacket or zipping up my backpack. I don't even bother looking at Tom or explaining myself. I can feel everybody's stares on me but I don't care. In this very moment, I don't give a fuck. About anyone or anything.

"What's wrong, Mika?" Tom asks the question everyone in the room was thinking, watching as I hustle back to the door.

"I- uhm- Sorry, Tom. It's an emergency," I watch as his puzzled gaze follows me out of the door.

I run through the halls and feel my feet hitting the hard floor. Outside, I wave stupidly for a cab for what feels like an eternity but then, finally a car pulls over and I get in quickly.

"To St Mary's Hospital please," I say breathing heavily and the car begins to move.

I look out of the window, nervously picking at my nails. Hundreds of thoughts are passing my mind like the cars are passing my window, just in an incredibly higher speed. I'm not sure if it's better to try to calm myself down or if I should just expect the worst.

How does one know such things?

I've never thought I'd find myself in a situation where I'd have to think about whether it's better to believe my mum's all right or not. Fuck.

When we pull over I don't even realize myself paying the driver and getting out of the car. It feels like someone else is controlling my body because I'm incapable to do so, my feet moving on their own. I find myself pushing the door to the entrance of the hospital, allowing the chemicals to enter my nose. Everything about this place is terrible. Everything is just too clean. Too sterile. Too impersonal. So sick. I hate it.

My dad is already waiting for me. His face looking more worried than usual, his body more tense, tiredness underlining his eyes. He embraces me in his strong arms and I begin to sob quietly.

"What's wrong with her?" I croaks out. "Will she be alright?"

"I don't know, honey" he says honestly, stroking my hair. "She's in a coma."

I clench onto his shirt staining it with my tears while he kisses my temple and runs his hands over my back reassuringly. We stand there embraced like this for a while.

"Can I see her?" I ask after my sobs stilled.

"Of course. Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, it's fine... I want to go alone. Thanks, dad."

He nods and walks me to the room she's stationed in. I enter alone. Mum is peacefully laying in a bed and I would almost be convinced that she's sleeping if there weren't these machines connected to her body. Keeping her alive. I walk up to her and sit down on the plastic chair next to the bed.

"Hey mum," I hold back my tears and take her cold hand into mine. "I'm not sure if you can hear me right now, but I really want you to get better, okay? You can't just leave me, mum... That wouldn't be fair."

A tear leaves my eye and drops onto the blanket on top of her, darkening the spot where it landed.

"I love you, mum... I know I didn't say it enough, but I really do... And I don't want you to leave me... I know you're strong, so please just wake up soon..."

My vision becomes blurry as more tears start dripping from my cheeks.

"You know, mum... There is this man that I really like. He's amazing, just perfect to be honest... Has these crystal blue eyes, a smile like no other...," the thought of Tom makes me smile slightly. "We can't really be together right now, but I know we will be... sooner or later. I know we're meant to be... It's just... I want you to meet him so deeply and I want him to meet you... You'd get along perfectly, I know it. He'd love you, mum, and I'm sure you'd love him too... Please, mum... I can't bear the thought of living my life without you. I can't... and neither can dad. He'd be completely broken if you left this world without him... I love you, mum."

Dad knocks on the door making me wipe away my tears, but the stained blanket reveals my weeping. He silently pulls up another of those cheap plastic chairs and sits down next to to me. I let my head sink onto his shoulder and we sit there wordlessly for a long time.

I don't show up for classes the rest of the week and the whole of the week after. The hospital is kind of becoming my home for this period of time. I'm watching my mum, talking to her sometimes, but other times really just watching her. She hasn't shown any sign of waking up and I'm constantly losing hope. The doctors say that it's possible for her to wake up but that they can't really do anything for her right now. They've been kind enough to let me and dad stay with her most of the time.

Dad makes sure I eat even though I'm not hungry. We don't talk a lot. We can understand each other without using any words. There's just this mutual understanding between us. We couldn't even put that into words.

I've been home a couple of times to actually sleep in a real bed instead of a chair and to get some fresh clothes. I took Tom's sweater and sweatpants with me. They just comfort me.

Why can't he just come and hold me? Let my cry into his arms? Comfort me? Tell me it'll all be alright? Why can't he be that person for me?

I need him right now, more than anything.

Evie and Holly always bring me the homework, though they offer for me to copy from them every time. They're just really worried, but I decline their offers trying to keep up with classes. It's hard but I'm still hoping for mum to wake up soon. I believe in her.