Prohibited (Tom Felton)

15 | Pulling Myself Together

"You don't deserve to be treated this way"

Getting out of bed the next morning is hard. If not even harder than yesterday, though the worries about my mother don't burden me anymore. Every time I open my messages, I'm reminded of the picture of Tom and I. The unforbidden relationship we have. Had. I don't know. I really need to be careful and stay away from him. It shouldn't be that hard. It shouldn't be that hard not to think of his soft lips on mine every time I look at him. Of his hands on my body. Of his dick inside of me.

It really shouldn't be that hard to forget about your teacher.

But it is, and so I drag myself out of bed once again, but this time actually heading to the bathroom. The woman in the mirror practically screams for help just by the way her eyes are underlined by dark circles, her hair is greasy and totally messed up and her lips don't show the tiniest trace of a smile. Sighing, I begin to undress myself. I'm skinnier. I haven't eaten much the last couple of weeks. My eyes move away from the mirror and I turn on the shower. The hot water startles me at first when I get in but soon I slowly relax into the drops pattering on my body and feel comforted by the warmth surrounding me. It seems to take all my worries away.

After my shower they all come back at once. I get ready and just throw on a hoodie and a pair of leggings. Again, I'm not in the mood for dressing up. I meet Holly and Evie by the door, already waiting for me and I hurry up, so we can leave. On our way to university, I don't really engage in the conversation and gladly, Evie and Holly don't make me. We reach the campus and my heart shatters at the thought of seeing Tom once again and having to pretend that nothing's going on. That nothing ever happened.

My stomach drops when we enter the classroom and he sits in front of his desk reading a newspaper. The veins in his left hand pop out as he firmly grips the paper and scans his wonderfully blue eyes over it. Suddenly, his eyes meet mine and I stop in the middle of the door. Someone bumps into me and I turn around to face Amber.

"Gosh, why do you stop in the middle of the fucking doorway?!" she snaps angrily and walks by me.

She makes sure to crash her shoulder into mine while doing so. How much I want to snap back at her. How much I want to scream at her right now. But I can't and she knows that because she holds something against me and she definitely takes advantage of that entirely. For her, it just seems like a little game she's playing with us. But Tom's whole career is at stake. His whole reputation.

"Don't be so mean, Amber," Holly calls her out but I just gesture for her to drop it.

We proceed to our seats and wait for the lesson to start.

"Good morning everyone," Tom's voice melts my heart and I try to push the feeling away. "Since your auditions yesterday, Mr. Walcott and I made our decisions for the parts."

Everyone in the room gets excited except for me. I already know who's got the lead and I already know that it's not me. I wouldn't have expected it anyway, but still. An underpart is always annoying, especially when Amber is the lead. She just doesn't deserve it. Anyone but her.

"I will hang out the list after class and we'll start practicing tomorrow," Tom explains while catching my eye for a mere second.

I see sympathy in them. Sympathy and regret and sorrow and it just makes me want to throw up. I look away from him and let the rest of the lesson pass by without actually listening.

The bell rings and Tom pins a sheet of paper to the wall while everyone hurries from their seat to look at it. I stand back a little and wait for most of them to clear off before looking at it myself.

"Oh my gosh! I got the lead!" Amber screams excitedly and her friends congratulate her.

What a coincidence, bitch. What a coincidence...

She really is great at acting when it comes to real life. She's the fakest person I've ever met and it's so annoying that nobody seems to see through her little act. But when it comes to the stage, she's actually not that good. Always forgets her text, can't show emotion, constant turns her back to the audience. It's really not that good. Some people seem to be a bit irritated by Amber getting the lead. Florence, a beautiful brown-haired girl who usually gets the lead, furrows her eyebrows and it almost looks like she actually wants to murder Amber.

"Sucks to have such a small part when a professional actor chooses them," Amber glares at me with contentment and I want to talk back to her.

I want to call her out, I want to tell her what a bitch she is, I want her to pay for snooping around in my private business, but I don't. Instead, I keep quiet and just shoot her a smile.

When most of the class has left I go up to the sheet and search for my name.

'Mika Addylin Kingsley' – 'Girl number 2'

Wow. My role doesn't even have a name. What an honor.

After looking at the list Holly turns to me with a worried expression on her face.

"Does he treat you differently because of... you know... what happened between the two of you?" her voice is quiet making sure that nobody else could here us.

"No, no... Don't worry, Holly," I shoot a quick look to Tom before my eyes find Holly's again. "My audition probably just wasn't that good."

She nods and I can tell by the rise of her eyebrows that she's still suspicious of me.

"If you say so...," she eyes me to see if I'm lying and I'm almost certain that she can tell. "We should go."

I nod as I realize we're the last ones in the room and we turn around to leave when a voice interrupts us.

"Mika, wait a second. Can I talk to you?"

I turn around and Tom looks at me through his lovely blue eyes. Holly's knowing gaze wanders from me to Tom and back before she decides to leave us alone.

When his gaze fixes mine, I gulp and it's almost impossible for me to resist.

"No, I-I have to go," I look away from him to minimize the pain, "Sorry Mr. Felton."

I don't dare to look at him again and immediately turn around to follow Holly as the words leave my lips. On my way to my next class, I try to swallow the lump in my throat, but it's hopeless. It hurts so much.