Prohibited (Tom Felton)

18 | The Whole Truth

"My love towards you feels like it's cursed"

"Explain then," I let my eyes wander over him and avoid looking directly into his.

"I know what what you saw must've looked like... But it really wasn't like that, I-"

"Oh, really?" I scoff and shake my head in disbelief. "What was it like, then?"

"Amber tried to seduce me and-"

"Well, looks like it worked," I cross my arms in front of my chest and turn away from Tom.

"Mika, would you just please let me finish?" his tone is a little harsher now and I decide it's best to stay silent.

I nod and turn to face him again, gesturing for him to continue.

"She tried to seduce me. She- put her hands on my belt and I swear I immediately pushed her off and that's when you came," he swallows thickly as he raises his eyebrows. "Nothing more happened and nothing more would've happened if you hadn't come. I swear. I want nothing to do with that girl."

He stays silent giving me time to think about his statement. I let it sink in and process as I pace around the room, eyes fixed on the ground. After about a minute I stop in front of him and look back up. I realize that I probably overreacted. It makes sense. I shouldn't have doubted him like that, though a part of me wished it to be true just so it would be easier for me to stay away from him.

"I believe you."

"You do?" his lips curve into a small smile, his dimples clearly visible, and the spark in his eyes returns within a second.

I nod my head again to reassure him and can't bring myself to look away from his eyes. It's like I'm tied to them in a way. Like my heart is tied to his.

He slowly leans in to me and my head screams for me to back away but everything inside of me pleads the opposite. I feel conflicted. Conflicted about this. About us.

How can something that feels so right be so wrong?

I still can't figure it out, but when his lips finally meet mine all the thoughts seem to vanish and the only thing that matters is him and I.

His hands cup my face and the tips of his fingers get tangled up in my hair. I press mine lightly against his chest and can feel his heartbeat under my palm. How it seems to beat so much faster than it should under the sole influence of my touch. The softness of his lips makes me feel like I'm floating on a cloud and I never want it to end.

His career.
His career.
His career.

I abruptly pull away from him and he looks at me in confusion.

"I can't Tom," I try to gather my thoughts. "I can't."

"Why not?" he furrows his eyebrows and frowns.

His hands shoot forward to grab mine, but I back further away from him, only leaving him more confused than he already is.

"I don't want it anymore, okay?" I snap at him and he winces slightly.

That's a lie.

If I don't tell him the truth, it might be easier for me to keep away from him. I just need him to hate me.

"I don't believe you," he gulps and runs a hand over his face in desperation. "I know you didn't just change your mind about this within a second."

I take a deep breath.

"Well, what if I did?!"

The confusion on his face transitions to sadness and hurt. His lips curl into a straight line and his eyes stare down at me, glistening with tears.

"No, you didn't," his voice is almost in a whisper and I can't tell if it's guided by sadness or anger. "I see the way you look at me, Mika. I know you feel it too. Tell me the truth."

It's sadness rather than anger.

God, why is this so hard?

"Amber still has that picture of us," I suddenly blurt out, overwhelmed by my feelings, and Tom looks puzzled again.

"Yes, but she only used it to get the lead. It's all sorted out now, isn't it? It's fine," he explains carefully with a trace of uncertainty in his voice.

"No, it's not, Tom. She threatened me too. She told me she'll publish it if I don't stay away from you," I try to swallow the lump in my throat but it's practically impossible.

Now, it's anger. He's angry. I can tell by the way he knits his eyebrows and his eyes flash fiercely. By the way he balls his hands into fists and the veins in his arms and neck pop out.

"She- what?!" he tries to speak calmly through gritted teeth. "Well, fuck that picture, Mika. I don't care. I don't want to stay away from you any longer. I don't want to hide anymore, pretend like there's nothing between us."

His words hit me, but I need to stay rational now. I can't give in.

"Tom, this could ruin your whole career," as best as I try to sound determined, my voice shakes with anxiety.

Tom shakes his head and reaches for my hands again. This time I let him grab them and his thumbs softly caress their backs.

"I don't care. It doesn't matter to me if I can't be with you," he speaks softly and I melt into his words and his touch.

I sigh and try to keep my thoughts together.

"You won't throw away your whole life just for some girl, Tom. I can't let that happen. Don't do something stupid you'll regret later."

He chuckles lightly, leaving me confused this time before detaching one of his hands from mine and putting it on my cheek.

"You're not just some girl, Mika," his thumb softly brushes over my cheek. "Can't I decide for myself what I'm willing to sacrifice? I would give up anything for you. Everything."

"Stop saying that," my heart aches with pain and I just want it to stop. "Don't make it harder than it already is."

"I love you, Mika."

Pain.

Butterflies.

Pain.

A mixture of both?

I can't think straight.

"You- what?!" my mouth falls open and I stare at him in shock. "No, you can't- you- you-"

He interrupts me with his lips crashing onto mine again.

His career.
His career.
His ca-

It suddenly slips from my mind.