my reckless love- a.t

Friendsmas

"Where do you want me to put this?" I ask Breana cupping the dessert dish in my hands

"You can put it over on the island by the fridge" she explained while running back in forth between the oven and decorating.

This year we decided it was Matt and Breana's turn to host a holiday since I had to for thanksgiving. I was helping her set up for the party since Matt had to go to the grocery store for beer.

Jamie and Katie were the first to arrive. "Hey ladies merry Christmas" Katie scooped up Brea and I in her arms "we brought booze" she whispered then went to help Jamie unload their car.

A little bit later we all had been standing around the island for the others to arrive. "Hey Jamie? Have you talked to al recently?" I finally ask being that I haven't talked to him in a couple of weeks, that is because he won't answer my call or text. Hell, I don't even know if he's alive.

"Yeah, I actually just talked to him on the way over... why? Have you not?" He responds with surprise thick in his tone.

"No, No I have, he just hasn't responded in a couple weeks. I don't know if he's ghosting me..." I start to go on and think about why he hasn't talked to me at all. That is until I hear the front door open.

"Knock, Knock" a sing-song voice rings throughout the house. "Merryyy Christmas you blokes"

Speaking of the fucking devil.

I give a slight smile until I see who's behinds him. A silhouette of a tall brunette woman holding a dish of cookies. Arielle??

"I brought Arielle along with me, if ye don't mind." Alex now had his arm extended across her shoulders bringing her close, so they were hip to hip.

"Oh no we don't mind at all. The more the merrier right?" I give an empty smile then make my way to the bathroom, I instantly shut the door and go over to the sink.

Why the fuck is he back with her. She'll just screw him over again. Oh god al how could you be so naive. And why the fuck would he be ignoring me? Because he knows that I would have told him off. Stop it, Odette. It's Christmas. Be happy for your friend. Don't be rude. I just don't get it, why would he crawl back to her.

It was now dinner time, and I still hadn't talked to Alex, I was furious, and I don't care if I was being hostile. I was holding a grudge and it wasn't going away. Of course, I was still a lovely host in my opinion, because i made my guest feel welcomed and invited, even if she wasnt. 

I sat at the dinner table eating my food and trying to hold a conversation with someone without letting my thoughts take ahold of my head.

After we helped clean up dishes we were about to gather around the tree and exchange gifts. "I'm going to go out for a smoke really quick." I step outside and light my cigarette. I suddenly hear the door open, and a loud sigh exhale out of someone's mouth. I don't bother to turn around.

"What's yer problem?" Alex asks now standing next to me.

"What's my problem? Did you really just ask me that Alexander. How about you? What's your problem?" I snapped back

"I don't believe I 'ave a problem 'ere." He responds while staring at me trying to see my feelings through my eyes.

"Well let's see you decide to call me every damn night at 3 am high off of your fucking ass then complain about 'Arielle this Arielle that' but now that you finally fixed yourself, she decides to pop up in your life again and you let it?" I felt my eyes threaten to spill tears.

"You waisted my time Alex. Don't call me crying about someone who doesn't want you and who made you feel like shit, just to crawl back to them. Because there's no point in trying to pity you when you do this shit to yourself. THEN you ignore me? Because you knew I would react like this. But don't fucking hide it from me there's no point." I try to compose myself by taking deep breaths to not show it bothered me too much. But I think what I said has already shown it.

"Odette..." he tried to speak but I just needed a moment of silence.

"Not now Alex. Let's just go inside and celebrate." I fixed my hair a bit and wiped my waterline, with Alex behind me as we walked through to the living room, I felt Matt and Brea's eyes on me and Alex watching is closely.

I went to sit on the couch next to Brea who could tell I was pissed. I gave her look that said 'I'll tell you later'

we each went around exchanging gifts to one another. It was going well since Alex and I were inside, and I felt as if a little bit of weight had left my shoulders, getting it out was a great feeling.

I got Jamie a tray of cookies being that our inside joke was that he was Jameh cookie. "I fuckin love it!" He blurted out and showed Katie what he had received which she laughed at hysterically.

"Here, Odette I got this for yer," Alex handed me a box that was wrapped with red paper. I gave him a smile then opened it

"Holy shit Alex." I smile as i pull out the black leather jacket that was just like Alex's. "Thank you so much; here this is for you, it's not much but I'd thought you'd like it"

I watch as he opened the box and his eyes lit up. He pulled out the shiny studded guitar strap and a notebook. "Wow I love it thank you so much Odette" he admired the notebook a little bit "this is going to be perfect for writing my next album

"I'm glad."

As the night went on everything still seemed to calm down, we weren't drinking like crazy being that it was Christmas.

"Odette I am so happy I get to spend Christmas with you" Arielle gushed as she made her way over.

"Yep, it's pretty cool huh" I simply turn my lips upward into a half ass smile.

"Odette, join me for a cigarette outside?"

He got up before I could answer and made his way to the back door. "Sure." I felt obligated.  The way he said it made me feel as if he was telling me to, not asking.

Alex took a deep breath and put his hands in his pockets to keep from the cold. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't 'ave been so selfish I just I really like her and.." He suddenly crouched to the floor and put his face in his hands and with his voice trembling he tried to put his thoughts to his words.  "I just, I feel so... alone"

"Alex..." was all I could get out as a sat next to him and held him in his arms. I had never seen him crumble like this. I didn't want to see him hurt, it made me hurt, suddenly that weight that had been lifted earlier came back down on me like a bunch of bricks during an earthquake

  He looked up at me, his eyes glistening in the pale streetlights "Odette I'm going to be completely honest with you..."

"Alex!! Are you out here? Oh, they're you guys are, is everything okay?" Arielle asked dumbfounded by what's going on. Like yeah Arielle nothing going on here just the man you're destroying, and you don't even know it is in my arms on the verge of crying just because.

"Yeah, everything's fine I'll be in, in a minute" Alex noted facing away from her still. All she mumbled was okay and went on.

I stared at the door until it was completely shut. "Alex I'm sorry what did you... wait what are you doing?"

"Goin inside." He got up from the floor and wiped his face. "I'm fine Odette really. And I'm sorry for calling yer, it won't happen again"

"Alex that's not what I meant." Was all I could muster out until the door was closed behind him.

What the fuck just happened?