The Ones That Descend Into Misery

Recovery and Preparation

"Winter is a season of recovery and preparation."

-Paul Theroux

Evie sat alone on the jet on the way back home. She hadn't spoken much at all since she had shot the unsub in the theater. She constantly felt sick. There was so much blood. It wasn't like she hadn't seen blood before, but it was never caused by her. She had splattered it everywhere. She had buried the bullet in a human being skull. She had never felt so... scared of herself in her entire life. She had just ended another person's life. She put a hand over her stomach that was churning, threatening to send her dinner back up. She didn't know whether to cry, or scream, or throw up. She didn't do any of those. She just sat there, numb.

She could feel Spencer keep glancing over at her from his seat diagonal from hers, across the aisle. He had saved a seat for her before she got on the plane, but she needed to think alone for a while. Luckily he gave her some space. The events of an hour ago went so quickly. She remembered the unsub lunging forward, and before she knew it, she had pulled the trigger. The sound of the deafening bang seemed to still echo in her head. She tried to shake away, but nothing worked.

Spencer had rushed in after that, Rossi behind him. She couldn't even quite remember what he was saying. She remembered hearing someone say she was in shock. She guessed she had been.

Evelyn had no idea how much time went by on the plane while she stared out of the window at the dark night, wallowing in her thoughts. Sometime after take off though, Rossi appeared in the seat across from her. She kept her eyes outside of the window, watching him clasp his hands together on his lap out of the corner of her eye. He watched her silently, seeming to wait until she recognized his appearance. Finally she did turn, giving him a small forced smile.

"So... Do you want to talk?" Rossi asked, sounding as if there wasn't much of a choice anyway. Evie sighed and looked down at her lap, trying to find the words to speak. What was she supposed to say? She just killed a person.

"I ended someone's life, Rossi." she bluntly restated her thoughts. She looked up to see his reactions. His face stared sympathetically back at hers, his eyes sparkling with a friendly gleam that told her that he understood. She knew he did. Everyone on that plane understood.

"You protected yourself." he corrected, looking deep into her eyes. Evie looked back, knowing he was right. But... she killed someone. She did exactly what the people they chased down do; kill.

"Evelyn..." Rossi began, sitting further forward in his seat to get closer to her. She listened intently, wanting anything to make her better in that moment. He took a deep breath and she knew she was about to get one of the famous Rossi speeches.

"You did exactly what you had to do. One of you was going to make it out alive. There was no other way. Now, you aren't expected to just be okay with killing. We are human. It's not supposed to make us feel okay. But if it means that you can live your future years with the ones you love..." he said, tilting his head to the side to gesture towards Spencer. "... then it's worth the sacrifice. I'm not saying you will ever get used to it. If you did, then well... that's when you become the monsters we hunt. But I know that won't happen. Once you can accept the fact that you did what you had to do, it will help you sleep better at night." Rossi said, patting her knee. Evie took a deep breath, feeling like she was breathing out all of her awful feelings. She knew he was right. She would never feel comfortable with this, but it was part of the job.

"I'm going to go take a nap before we land. I suggest you try the same." Rossi suggested, giving her one last glance with his sparkling eyes before he rose out of his seat and made his way back to his seat across from Hotch.