The Ones That Descend Into Misery

Suspicion

"Conflict grows out of ignorance and suspicion."

~Gordon B. Hinckley

Spencer shakily unlocked the front door to his apartment, scared of what laid on the other side. It wasn't the same fear of seeing things that brought back aching memories of a lost loved one, this time he was just nervous about the state he left it in. He knew when he left for JJ's, the place had seemed to be emerged in a depressing aura that flooded every crack and crevasse. His thoughts were scrambled when it came to the first few nights of losing Evie, but he was pretty sure he remembered throwing a tantrum and nearly wrecking the place. He didn't want to be reminded of that night when he first got back from Boston without her, his head spinning, his eyes swimming, and his very being tearing apart inside of him. He didn't want Evie to see it either, who was standing beside him helping with his luggage. 

"Spence, are you okay?" she asked when realizing that he was shaking too much to even get the key in the hole. Spencer threw her a small smile and nodded, trying to get himself under control. So maybe it wasn't all due to his nervousness of seeing the apartment again; he was going through something close to the beginning of a withdrawal. He hadn't had Dilaudid in over 24 hours now, which didn't seem like much, but when he had been taking it two or three times a day for nearly a week, it felt like an eternity. 

Finally getting the key in and unlocking the door, Spencer pushed it open revealing their once lively apartment. It was in about the same state he expected it to be: curtains pulled closed, things splayed across the floor like a child had freaked out and started throwing things, dust floating in the air visible in the thin and few rays of light that did manage to find a way through any gaps in the tapestries covering the window. Reid sighed. He hoped they wouldn't have to move. He wanted to make it a happy place for them both again. 

Studying Evie's face, Spencer saw that she was taken a little off guard. She certainly was thinking that she hadn't left the place like that. 

"I um- sorry about the mess." Spencer stumbled awkwardly. Evie moved forward slowly without acknowledging him, looking at all of the stuff scattered across the floor. Spencer followed her, grabbing his suitcases and pulling them inside so he could shut the door behind them. He watched her walk around and observe all of the things pulled off shelves and out of drawers- all of her stuff to be exact. There were pictures of them, drawings she did, some of her journals where she wrote pointless things like lists and notes to herself, some of her jewelry, some of her clothes...

"Spence?" she said softly, still looking at all of her belongings scattered about. 

"Hmm..." he replied hesitantly. 

"Is staying here going to be a problem?" she asked, finally looking up at him, mirroring his thoughts. Spencer felt his worries melt away. Of course she wasn't upset, just worried about him. He didn't know why he expected anything different. 

"I- I don't know." he admitted. Evie smiled sadly at him, carefully stepping over the clutter to get to him. Spencer watched her snake her arms around his waist and lay her head on his chest. Reid let out a relieved breath and resting his chin on her head, rubbing her back soothingly. 

"Why don't we try brightening up the place a bit, and then we'll talk." she suggested. Spencer kissed her head and nodded. 

"Okay."

Spencer picked up his luggage while she got started with picking the stuff up off the floor. He carried the bags in their room and set them on the bed that he hadn't bothered making before he left. As he set them down, something got shaken lose and tumbled to the floor. Spencer's reflexes kicked in and he shot an arm out to catch it, his hand closing around the cool glass Dilaudid bottle.