The Ones That Descend Into Misery

Our Own Heroes

~We're our own dragons as well as our own heroes, and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves.

Tom Robbins

The water ran through his fingers, leaving the rest of his body un-moving. He was completely zoned out, staring straight ahead through the kitchen window focused on nothing in particular. He had to admit, the warmth running over his hands felt good. He didn't want to move from that spot or let go of that feeling. It had been so long since he had felt anything but coldness, numbness, and... nothing. It was nice to sense the heat spreading throughout his body. 

"Spence..."

JJ suddenly said from behind him. Spencer jumped at the abrupt interruption from his frozen state. JJ looked at him with wide blue eyes, holding her hand out towards him in caution. 

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." 

Spencer forced a small smile and resumed washing the dishes that he was previously helping with. He always felt bad for being another thing JJ had to worry about, so he helped out where he could. 

"I'm going to head to work. Do you mind getting Henry to the bus stop?" She asked, craning her head to look him in they eyes as he shifted his gaze downwards on the dishes in his hands. Spencer nodded and glanced over at her before returning to his work. JJ stared at him with that same JJ-concerned face of hers, but eventually gave up and rubbed his back. 

"Thanks, Spence." she said, giving his shoulder a squeeze before grabbing her keys off the kitchen counter. Reid listened to the door shut behind her, waiting to let out a sigh. He knew his unhappiness made her unhappy too and he felt guilty for this, but it's not like he was trying to be sad, it just overtook him day and night. 

"Uncle Spence?" a small voice said from behind him. Reid shut off the water and glanced over at Henry with a small smile before drying his hands with a towel. 

"You ready, buddy?" Spencer asked quietly. Henry was really the only person he spoke to as of late. 

His godson nodded and ran to the other side of the kitchen to grab his backpack and pull it over his shoulders. Spencer ruffled Henry's hair before pulling open the door and stepping outside into the chilling air. 

"Aren't you cold?" Henry asked him, looking up to notice that Spencer only had a short sleeved tee shirt on with his sweatpants. Reid smiled down at Henry as they began walking down the street towards the corner where the bus always picked Henry up. 

"No, I'm okay. You're right though, I should be wearing a coat." Spencer told him. Truthfully, he felt like the cold air was good for him; something to force his senses to wake up a bit. 

"Daddy said he'd take me to get a new hat and glubs after school. When I was on the playground at school, i dropped my glubs in mud, but it was an accident..." Henry began rambling. Spence chuckled at the way Henry always said 'glubs' instead of gloves. 

Spencer's smile quickly faded however, when he glanced down the street at the faint outline of the run down fort in the woods. He had visited four times at this point, already craving for a fifth. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook the feeling from his head while silently scolding himself. Why is he so weak?

"Uncle Spence?" Henry's voice questioned below him. Spencer realized Henry had stopped to ask him what the matter was when he had been distracted by his own guilt. 

"I'm fine, bud. Come on, I think I hear your bus." 

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