Covered Edges

Chapter 31

Jessica and I hop into her suburban and pull out of her driveway. She plugs my school into her GPS and soon reaches the ramp onto the highway. She tells me to put on some music from my phone, so after I grab the aux cord and pick the first catchy song I see, Jessica turns up the music and we both begin to belt out the lyrics. Song after song our tone-deaf sounding voices follow the words, and I become increasingly glad I agreed to let her drive me.

Two hours later, and after a heart-felt duet to "Don't Stop Believing," I turn towards my window and watch the street lamps pass quickly by while we zoom down the interstate. The ground below us is a shimmering orange as the lights reflect off of the freshly wet road. The few remaining raindrops slide tediously down my window, and I watch two parallel drops intently to see which will reach the bottom first.

"So," Jessica pipes up, "Earlier today you mentioned how your 'best-friend's' older brother told you where I was; however, that's not exactly how you began describing that person."

I turn my head towards her, "What are you getting at?"

"Oh nothing, nothing...only that you first said 'boyfriend' but corrected yourself before you slipped."

Jessica gives me a quick suspicious glance while the corner of her mouth quirks up into a small half-smile. If I know anything about her so far, I'm not going to be able to wriggle myself out of telling her.

"Oh, that. Well, it's quite simple I suppose: I've fallen for a guy who refuses to commit and just when I think I'm making a breakthrough, I ruin it."

"How long have you guys known each other?"

"Over a year."

"And you guys have been together for that long?"

"It's complicated; we're a weird on-and-off thing. Remember, the commitment problem?"

"Well if he won't commit, he's not worth it. As in the wise words of Shakespeare, 'Her vestal livery is but sick and green, and none but fools do wear it; cast it off.'"

I laugh loudly, "I don't think that's in the same context as this."

Jessica giggles, "Well, I mean, if you translate 'virginity' into 'douchey guy' then it can work!"

I give her a sideways glance, "I suppose so," I say to humor her. I chuckle and turn back towards the window, "No, it's more than just a typical guy wanting to have his cake and eat it too; Damon has a past, he's been badly burned and feels no desire to venture back into that territory. The problem is my whole life has been a string of commitment adjustments and I don't think I'm okay with being the not-so-single, single girl."

"Trust me, I know exactly where you're coming from. Commitment, Trust, and pixie dust am I right?"

I scoff, "You're telling me."

It's silent for a moment, and all I can hear is the faint strum of some song and the consistent patter of the engine.

"If you knew he can't commit, why'd you fall?" Jessica asks.

"I didn't know, not at first anyways. Not until it was too late; I was already too far-long."

"But you did say you made a breakthrough! Doesn't that mean, with some patience, he'll come along?"

"It may have been possible, but I also said that I ruined it. I betrayed his trust without meaning to, and I don't think I'll ever get him back now."

I feel a burning sensation as my eyes begin to well. No, I am not crying over this, especially not in front of Jessica. We're just starting to get to know each other and the last thing I need is for her to think I'm a sappy girl who cries over boys--even if I may be occasionally. I blink rapidly and look out the window trying to distract myself. I feel a sudden warmth on my leg, though, and I look to see Jessica's hand resting atop my thigh. She looks at me warmly and gives me a genuine smile.