Cause All of Me Loves All of You..

If only ..

Dazai sighs for the umpteenth time today. If someone asks, he will blame it on the big line of customers in front of him. But he knows that's not true at all. He can't really blame these people for wanting their coffee in the morning to kick start their day. He is one of them after all, his day never begins without having his special coffee, prepared by a certain someone. Plus its winter, so he gets it. But it's human nature to blame someone else for your misery after all. And it's not as if the person who is making him suffer like this has the slightest idea about Dazai's misery. No, the person is clueless as fuck about Dazai's internal breakdown. So, blaming it on the long line early in the morning it is.

"Fuck you damn stupid Chibi." Dazai curses under his breath as he prepares the coffee order of the customer in front of him.

"Excuse me?! What did you just say? That's no way to talk to a customer."

"Sorry? What's your problem, sir?" Dazai arches a brow, a silent warning to the customer to shut the fuck up. But it seems like the customer was too dense to get the damn clue.

"What do mean by that? Apologize right now!" The customer seems indeed furious for something Dazai didn't do.

'Great! Now I have to deal with an angry customer! Just great!'

Now, Dazai isn't usually a bitch *cough* *cough* but he just couldn't care less at the moment. Can't the man see he is lamenting already? How bold of him to assume that Dazai would apologize? It isn't even his fault. He has some dignity, thank you very much. So he does the most sensible thing he can do. He glares at the customer.

"Please don't mind him. He has a habit of talking to himself sometimes. He didn't mean to say it to you. Here, your order is ready." And there goes his last shred of dignity.

"Kunikida Kun ~ " Dazai whines totally ignoring the angry customer in front.

"Sorry once again. Next order please." Kunikida apologizes to the customer, saving the situation and Dazai along with it.

"Kunikida Kun ~ Why did you make a fool of me in front of that customer? It was clearly a misunderstanding. I didn't even do anything." Dazai whines while making his way to refill the machine as Kunikida handles the orders. Dazai knows that it's Kunikida's way of saying 'Take a break and calm down yourself. You need it.' and he couldn't have asked for a better partner. Not everything should be told out loud, sometimes small actions are more than enough, and Kunikida knows it. He knows Dazai.

"I know Dazai. But we can't make our customers angry. For the sake of this café. Also, you don't seem good today. Is everything alright? Want to talk about it later?" And in moments like these, when Kunikida isn't annoyed by Dazai and when he genuinely shows that he cares about Dazai, it reminds him of Odasaku. A best friend, a guide, moral support that he lost. And Dazai never thought that someone can take Odasaku's place, but Kunikida comes close. Even Kunikida knows that he cannot fill Oda's place in Dazai's life. But he still tries to be a good friend. It took time for Dazai to open up to Kunikida. But since he started to do so, there wasn't a single day when Kunikida's blood pressure didn't shoot up. But there are days when Dazai is just not himself and Kunikida understands. Understands that Dazai needs a friend more than someone to look after him. And today is one of those days.

Dazai looks at Kunikida and gives a hesitant nod. A sad smile crossing his face and just like that his expression is back to normal within a moment. No one could have seen that sad look on Dazai's face. But Kunikida is quick. One thing he had observed about Dazai was that - 'Dazai never shows his true emotions'. Even the people who seem to know him, have a hard time telling if he is being genuine or if it's all a façade. So Kunikida had made a habit of observing Dazai's expression and it had paid off. It had made Dazai trust Kunikida. He can also tell that the current situation of the brunette must be because of a certain ginger head. But for now, he decides to let the brunette be and continue with the work at hand.

________________________________________________

"So, what's on your mind Dazai? Is something serious?" Kunikida watches as the brunette looks at him with wide eyes, mouth full of noodles as he tries to speak while still slurping on them. 'Disgusting.'

Deciding the place had been an easy decision for once, as both of them were starving after the shift. The hotel they chose was small and less crowded. It's not just noisy places, but sometimes it gets difficult to share one's feelings in the dead silence of the home. And Kunikida knows how nervous Dazai can get if he is confronted in silence. He might not say anything at all. So this place, less crowded and noisy enough was easiest to choose.

"Oye. Eat and speak! What are you? Five!" Kunikida frowns at his friend. He makes a mental note of teaching Dazai table manners later.

"You are like a mom Kunikida Kun ~" Dazai sing-songs and Kunikida refrains himself from strangling the man in front of him.

"Dazai -"

"Okay okay. I won't change the topic. I promise. So, you already know that Chuuya's parents are searching for a possible significant other for him. And Chibi told me yesterday that his parents want him to meet someone. Again! He will be meeting that guy tomorrow. It's the fifth guy now Kunikida Kun. All those previous guys rejected Chibi cause he "didn't fit their standards!". He broke down in tears after every rejection, and I can't even explain how hurt he must have been. I had to cuddle him to sleep all those times to make him stop crying. I..It hurts me too.. Kunikida Kun, to watch Chibi like t..that. I hate it when he cries. I just want to protect him you know? How dare they hurt him like that? So what if he is short and chubby? He looks cute no matter what. They don't even know how.. h-how beautiful my Chuuya is." Dazai's voice cracks as he tries to gather the right words. He wipes off the tears from the corner of his eyes and Kunikida wants to wrap his friend in a giant hug and comfort him cause he had never seen Dazai so vulnerable before.

"He hates how he looks, I have seen him crying over it so many times. But despite every rejection he faced, he is still doing this for his family with the same enthusiasm. I feel so proud of him for being happy for others even after everything that he goes through. But I hate the days when he cries. Whenever his family arranges meetups, I always pray that those guys would reject him. I feel happy and relieved whenever he gets rejected. Just because it gives me hope." Dazai laughs, "Such a shitty person I am. But I feel like someone pierces my heart whenever I see my Chibi cry."

My Chibi? If only I would have been able to call him that.

"I want to make him happy Kunikida Kun. I want to take care of him, to be the one to hold him, to see him first thing in the morning and the last thing before going to bed, to listen to his problems, to give him random surprises, and make him smile. I want to be the reason for his smile. Is that selfish of me?" Dazai lets out a bitter laugh, hiding his nervousness. This is the first time Dazai has been true to his emotions in front of Kunikida. To be honest, he feels like he has successfully broken the blonde if Kunikida's surprised expressions were to say anything.

"I had no idea that you love Nakahara san to this extent Dazai." Kunikida says after processing the information for a few moments. "Why don't you tell him? Plus, his parents know you so they won't be opposed to your relationship I guess?"

"I don't think chibi likes me in that way. Also, all guys that his parents looked for him were rich. I'm no match for him. I think I will just suffer like this and have a final breakdown the day someone falls for my Chibi and marries him. Why is love so difficult Kunikida Kun?"

"You must tell him Dazai. It's better for both of you. You won't know unless you try. And who knows, things might work out? If you truly love him, then I say you should go for it. Don't give up without asking in the first place." Kunikida never thought he will be having this conversation with Dazai of all people. But here they are, having a heart-to-heart conversation. And if someone asks him later, Kunikida will refuse about giving such advice to Dazai, ever. "You sure you can work on your report today? Go home and rest Dazai. You need rest."

"It's fine Kunikida Kun. We have to finish this report this week. Let's hurry to the library. I'm okay. Don't worry. Let's go!" Dazai says getting up, and he is out of the hotel within a moment.

Just then Kunikida realises -

"Oye Dazai! Don't you dare to put this up on my tab!"