{CURRENTLY EDITING/SLIGHT REWRITE.}
Ainsley Ashter was a freak-show. A psychopath. An absolute and utter maniac.... Or so they thought.
She was imprisoned at the age of thirteen when she murdered her parents using nothing but the metal leg of her b...
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"I swear on my soul if you finish your sentence I will stab you with a tree branch."
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IT'S ONLY BEEN AN HOUR SINCE THEY WERE BANISHED, BUT IT FEELS LIKE THEY'VE BEEN WALKING IN CIRCLES. Ainsley releases the breath she hadn't realized she's been holding. None of this should come as much of a shock as it did, really. She should have expected this, and she did. She just apparently didn't expect it to happen the way it did. It'sbullshit, Ainsley thinks while angrily shoving away tree branches that dare to get in her path.
John has been relatively and unusually silent ever since they left the cliff face together. It's a little ironic, actually. Ainsley wished for nothing but silence in the dropship, but now that the silence is creeping back in she's come to find out she hates it. Maybe she just hates being silent around John, but she doesn't quite know what either of them have to say right now.
What is there to say? What could she possibly say to make this any better? Ainsley has never been all that good at comforting herself much less anyone else.
"I've been going over and over it in my head and I don't get it," John starts. "Why are you still here, Ashter? You don't have to pretend to care," he pauses and throws his hands up in the air. "In fact, I'm better on my own, so why don't you just run back to camp and leave me alone?"
Ainsley carefully steps over a discarded log on the ground before turning to give him an incredulous look. She knows what he's doing. In fact, Ainsley would know the sight of self-loathing anywhere. She tries to keep a neutral face, but the sight of his frown and worried look in his eyes were enough to send a pang through her. He doesn't expect anyone to care about him. It pains her, because she has waited her entire life for someone to give a damn about her, and if anyone knows a thing about how devastating it is, it's her.
"Look," Ainsley breathes. "We aren't so different, you and I, John. We.. we both want the same thing." John looks at her questioningly which makes her sigh, a little irritated that she has to elaborate at all. "To survive, John. You're my best chance at survival. That's - that's all this is."
The words feel like lead. It's like she's lying, but she doesn't understand. She's telling the truth, but why does it feel like she isn't? John arches his eyebrow and gives a low chuckle.
"Ah, I see, doll. You know, I was just thinking how the king didn't wanna let you go. Sure there's not someone you'll m-"
"I swear on my soul if you finish that sentence, I will stab you with a tree branch," Ainsley threatens. "That's the most disgusting thing you've ever said." She shudders. "He's literally more brother material. No thank you. Now, if you're finished brooding and thinking about my romantic life, let's get to work finding a shelter."
John snorts. "Whatever you say, boss."
A small twitch of her lips is all the response John receives, before Ainsley starts walking again, although heading just slightly more North. It was starting to get a little tedious. Always watching over their shoulders, and trying to be extra careful with the leaves crunching underneath their feet.
It doesn't matter. The saving grace Ainsley doesn't even think she deserves is just up ahead of them. She tugs on John's arm, gesturing towards the small entrance to a cave. It's obvious even from their distance that the cave is a lot smaller than the one they hid in to hide from the acid fog. Ainsley carefully enters as far as the cave would allow, which admittedly wasn't that far, and carefully settles in on the slightly damp floor with John. Their shoulders nearly touch due to the crampedness, but neither minds at the moment.
Ainsley's afraid to fall asleep. Her eyes continuously close and then reopen not even five seconds later. It's more so the nightmares she's afraid of rather than Grounders, because something tells her the possibility of her seeing her parents, or maybe even Bellamy's face after she had chosen to leave with John, in her dreams were endless.
Ainsley shakes her head. It's insane, because she doesn't really remember when she started to care about anything at all, but it seems the more she spends on the ground, the more she's grown to feel things she hasn't felt in a long time. Things Ainsley knows she doesn't deserve to feel. It's the biggest conundrum of the century, but it's one Ainsley doesn't exactly like.
"So, what's the plan for tomorrow?" John says, breaking the silence that had befallen them. Her eyes flicker to his and notices a little peak of sunlight filtering into the cave. "Please tell me it involves finding booze. I don't care how, just make it happen."
Ainsley snorts. "Really, John? We need a decent plan. Food. Water. And you want alcohol." She throws her head back with an overly dramatic sigh, giving him a tired yet cheeky grin. "Maybe I did choose wrong. That is not a survivor's move."
Surprise filters through her at the sound of his laugh. Ainsley just watches his chest rise and fall with every chuckle, and she can't help but think that it's the best sound she's ever heard, and the infectious laughter brings herself to start chuckling. She can't stop. Maybe its the exhaustion, or maybe it's that for once she feels content, but she cannot stop laughing to save her life. She doesn't want to, not if it brings him to a stop.
Their laughter brings their heads closer together, and soon enough their eyes lock which brings both of them to a stop. The laughter dies on their lips, as they drink each other in. John's gaze is so piercing it's enough to bring Ainsley to look away. This can't happen. She's unsure of him, unsure of his friendship. She's a goddamn murderer, who killed her parents without even a second thought. What if she got John killed, too? What if she allows herself to care about him, and she can't save him? She can't even save herself.
Ainsley's parents never wanted a child, even after Ainsley had come along. They never loved her and made it clear every single day that they didn't. Her father taught her at a very early age what men could do to someone they claim to love, and it's too frightening of the prospect of history repeating itself. For the first time in her 18 years of life, she feels something other than anger and pain, but she can't..- she can't let it. Ainsley doesn't want to hurt John, and she's terrified of him not actually meaning it if he really does feel something brewing between them – or if she's just imagining it all.
"Get some sleep, John," Ainsley mutters, trying to keep the dejectedness out of her voice. "You're gonna need it. We'll survive. We will. I'll make sure of it."
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AUTHORS NOTE —
Short ish chapter but I promise the next one will be longer! I hope you enjoyed the AinsleyxJohn moments as much as I did! The next chapter will probably be similar.
