One Last Time - I'll Make It Feel Like Home

Chapter 1 - Zayn

Opening my eyes for the first time in what feels like forever was a struggle. It's really bright and it takes me a second to realize that I'm not in my bed. My bed isn't this hard. I weakly lift my hand up to shield my eyes from the sun.

Once the fuzziness is gone, I look around, trying to remember how the hell I got here. Straight up is the sky, cloudless blue sky. Definitely not matching my increasingly bad mood. Also meaning I'm outside. I slowly will my weak body to sit up, leaning on my hands for support.

Once my head stops spinning, I once again try to identify where I am. To my right there are just trees. Probably a forest or something. To my right I can make out houses at the end of a field. And right next to me is a bush.

The hard surface I've been sleeping on is gravel. I have no idea how I ended up falling asleep outside. Again. All I remember is feeling going for a drive-

"Fuuck" I groan before slowly getting on my feet. Which is easier said than done. The pain in my back and the pounding in my head making everything a challenge. I probably smell like rubbish too. But I can't really smell anything due to my very clogged nose. Curtesy of sleeping outside in the middle of March.

I look down at what I'm wearing seeing that my black jeans and jumper are filthy. My sneakers doesn't look any better. I search my pockets for my phone.

Having no luck, I start scanning the gravel I slept on for it. Having no luck there I head over to my car that's parked not so far away. How didn't I see it before now?

I slowly make my way, willing my legs to work while trying not to empty my stomach on my shoes. Sweating I finally make it to the car praying that it's unlocked. It is.

What the hell was I thinking last night?

I don't notice how badly I'm shivering until I get into the black Range Rover and fire up the heat. I feel like shit and my head is killing me. Maybe I have some aspirin or some shit in here. Reaching my hand out to open the glove compartment, I notice the fresh marks on my arm. I sigh as I blindly rummage through it wondering why I drank myself into oblivion last night.

Did I try to call them again? Did I go on Twitter? Did the boys say something? Guess I'll find out.

I guess it's my lucky day today, except for waking up outside in the middle of nowhere, cause I found the medicine. I took two and swallowed them with water from the bottle that was laying on the passenger seat along with my wallet, phone, keys and an empty bottle of some kind of alcohol.

My curiosity getting the better of me, I unlock my phone to see what the hell triggered me this bad. I've been here before, and it only gets worse the longer I wait.

I resist the urge to call Liam before looking at what apps I have open. iMessage is open with a text from Niall.

This can't be happening. After all this time. All the times I tried to get in touch with them. I tried so hard but they wouldn't let me explain why I left the way I did. And now he has the audacity to-

I suddenly feel my stomach tighten before I open the door just in time to release the contents of my stomach.

I feel sick. And hurt. But most of all. I'm angry. I'm angry at them for being happy without me. Without the band. They're out there living their best lives. Meanwhile I'm here. Drowning my pain with alcohol to not be dragged underwater myself.

The vomit left a disgusting taste in my mouth, so I chug down the rest of the warm water to try and get rid of it.

After a couple minutes of pulling myself together I put my address into the GPS, seeing that I'm about two hours out. "For fucks sake" I sigh before turning on the radio.

I start driving, but not before immediately changing the station. I just can't listen to Louis as a reminder of what I did to them.

-

The wasn't as long as the GPS said. But that didn't stop my mind to come up with reasons for why Niall suddenly contacted me. I must've reread the text at least 10 times.

After one and a half hours I finally pull up in front of my apartment in London. The windows are luckily tinted, which gives me the opportunity to put on a hat and sunglasses. I'm not in the mood for the headlines my appearance would bring.

I grab the rest of my stuff before hopping out of the car and jogging to my front door. The pollution feels wrong to breathe in after being away from it, even if only for a night.

After fumbling to get the keys in the lock and twist it, I enter my home dropping my things on the little couch in the hallway. I don't have the energy to go upstairs to my bedroom, so I head to the living room and flop down on the black leather couch.

The apartment is a three-bedroom two-bathroom apartment with a kitchen, living room, study and a tiny back yard since it's on the first and second floor. It's a simple apartment, but my favourite, nevertheless. I love the big windows and the black and white interior. It's the closest I've felt to a home since I lived with the boys.

I'm just about to reach for the remote when I hear my phone buzz again.

"Oh for fucks sake! Can't a poor lad get a fookin break!" I exclaim as I push myself off the couch. I'll just watch Friends late then. I drag my feet over to where I threw my phone and unlock it, seeing the text I got from Niall yesterday.

Leprechaun: Hi Zee! Hope you're doing well. Can I call you tomorrow?

I don't even know how he got my number. I've changed it more than once since leaving the band. Looking at the text again brings a wave of sadness and gratitude crashing through my body. It doesn't matter how many times I read it. I'm just so relieved that one of them finally reached out.

And I really miss Niall. It just hurts how long it took him to text me. Six years? Is he going to let me explain myself? I hope so.

I let the happy memories flood my mind for once on my way back to the living room. I am actually hopeful. I'd almost forgotten how that felt. I can practically feel the positive aura radiating from Niall as if he was in the room with me laughing at some dumb joke Harry told.

I hurt them so much when I left.

I try not to think about that as I sit down with a smile on my face and see that Niall is typing. How did I not notice until now? I must be going blind.

After what feels like an eternity. But in reality probably only is like 30 seconds a new bubble appears that makes my breathing quicken and my phone fall to the floor.

Irish Princess: Hey Zee. I got your address from Gigi and I saw your car out front. I'm parked right across the street. Can I come in?

A/N

Hi! DOUBLE UPDATE!

I really don't know what to think about this yet.

What do you think about the boys not talking to Zayn?

Or Zayn getting black out drunk in the middle of nowhere?

Again, this really hurt to write.

I hope you're doing okay. And if you made it this far...I LOVE YOU!

I hope you like this story so far, or at least tolerate it :)

- Emily xx

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