𝖇𝖚𝖗𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖙𝖔𝖜𝖊𝖗 ♡ 𝕞𝕠𝕞𝕠𝕛𝕚𝕣𝕠 𝕗𝕒𝕟𝕥𝕒𝕤𝕪 𝕒𝕦 [✓]

How to Make an Entrance

Jiro's PoV

I would really, really like to kick down this door.

Or burn it, break it with a battering ram, explode it or to be honest destroy it in any satisfactorily dramatic way. But I probably shouldn't, because that would definitely blow my cover. And this is the first job in a long time I've wanted to do.

So, I'll have to make an entrance the ordinary way: with about as much pomp and grandeur as a real prince.

Someone pushes open the door, and someone else announces my arrival. They're not actual someones, of course. We don't have anywhere near that many people. About half of them are sprites, and the other half are illusions. I'm basically the only real person here. I was chosen for this job for three reasons: one, I'm not a boy so of course I simply cannot be tempted to fall in love with a girl; two, I have almost no chest at all so I can pass as a worthy suitor for the Princess; and three, no-one's seen my face before this.

I'm welcomed in by a ridiculous looking man who I assume is "just a lowly servant". He escorts me to the throne room -- nobody tells me it's the throne room but the large throne in the centre gives me a hint -- to be addressed by the (good-for-nothing) King.

"Oh, another suitor for the Princess I suppose," he mutters. "Go on, send him up to her rooms so she can judge him and discard him like she's done to all the rest." The King, after giving these orders, goes back to leaning on his arm and sighing. I'm whisked away, up several staircases and down several corridors before being dumped, dazed and disoriented, in front of a door.

I knock and push it open.

"Come in," calls the Princess. She takes one look at me and turns away. "Go and bathe yourself, you smell disgusting."

"Yeah, travelling can do that to one," I drawl, ignoring my strict orders from that idiot to 'not speak, because you'll insult everyone, as usual, and besides your voice is way too high for a guy's.' I head off to the ensuite bathroom and chuck in a few buckets of water some forgetful servant has left beside the tub. I undress and get in, because as much as I could complain, we never get baths and they're a luxury worth experiencing when the opportunity arises.

Princess Yaoyorozu opens the door and hastily covers some part of her vision. "Ah! I thought you were in another bathroom! I'm really... sorry..." she trails off and I realise she didn't bother to cover my chest area. I think this is the first time I've ever wished my tiny tits were smaller than they are. I hop out of the bath and pull on the looser and more convenient pieces of clothing scattered around.

"Wait, you're not a Prince."

"Nah," I say, grabbing the odds and ends I really shouldn't have brought with me. It's a good thing I did, I guess, because I am so going to need them in a minute. Maybe less.

"You're not even a Princess," she continues, frowning.

"Nope." I finish gathering up my stuff and push past her into the main room. She follows.

"So... what are you?"

As usual, I say something I really shouldn't in order to make a sarcastic joke. "A hot-ass lesbian--" I grab her around the waist and run towards the window, "--here to kidnap you." I leap out, the Princess screaming in my ear. I dig in my pocket, cursing, and pull out a rope just in time. Luckily it's already looped. I throw it around a tree and swing, dropping and rolling to the ground. I bruise every part of me, get dirt on more than every part of me, and stand up groaning.

The Princess just lays there, probably too shocked to move.

I bend down over her, intending to throw her over my shoulder and make for the hills. I feel a sting in my side. She's gotten a dagger. And scratched me for a surprise attack.

"Good job," I say, confiscating the dagger. "You know, if you wanna escape you'd have to do more than that. I'm a fair bit tougher than you could imagine, living in your tower all the time." I go to pick her up again, hesitate, and search her for more weapons instead. I find a few as well as a ruby stuck in a pocket.

The Princess Yaoyorozu has stayed quiet, but seeing me take the ruby she bursts out angrily. "Hey! Why my ruby?"

"Well in the first place it's enchanted, no?" I ask, grinning. "And in second, you have enough jewels, m'lady," I say it mockingly, "without this. In third, fourth, fifth and all the way down to number thirty-two, well, I could always do with more treasure."

She goes silent again and I pick her up, slinging her over my shoulder. She's a good deal taller and probably heavier than me but luckily I've spent years swinging through the forests and she... hasn't. I walk for a while, and the Princess occasionally struggles or says those pointless things that one's bound to say in the hands of a captor such as "hey!" or "let me go!"

I hear a crashing in the trees ahead and drop to a squat, releasing the Princess (quietly but not gently). I make a shushing noise. She glares at me, opens her mouth and before I can stop her she screams. And Princesses can scream. Furious, I cover her mouth, giving a death stare, but it's too late.

A giant crashes towards us and bends down, sneering at the two girls who are sitting on the forest floor. Sitting ducks. He picks us up by the hair, and off we go.

"Trolls have no idea how to treat a lady," Yaoyorozu fumes, arms crossed as she's dragged across the forest floor. I sigh as the golden crown on her head slips off and goes tumbling across the ground. I knew I should have taken it when I had the chance.

"He's a giant, hun," I say.

"May as well be a troll for his stink and ugliness."

I sigh again. "You know, that is such a ridiculous statement I'm not even going to bother pointing out all the things wrong with it and the many differences between giants and trolls."

There's a pause in conversation. "I can't believe this is happening," Princess complains.

I don't bother pointing out this is all her fault. Instead I just put my hands behind my head, close my eyes and cross one leg over the other like this is the most relaxing thing in the world. I hope it pisses her off. "This is just a minor inconvenience," I inform Princess Yaoyorozu.

"A WHAT," she says.

"Hey, hey, that tone and volume are hardly befitting one of your rank, Princess." I smirk. "And yeah, well I mean my butt is gonna get bruised but apart from that there won't be any lasting damage."

"WE ARE GOING TO DIE, THAT SEEMS LIKE PRETTY PERMANENT DAMAGE." It seems she's ignored my warning about the tone of a Princess.

The giant grunts. "She is right. You're going to be eaten up for my dinner tonight!"

The Princess drops to a furious whisper. "I can't believe you! Kidnapping me without a thought, then not even taking enough care of me to stop us being eaten by an idiotic giant!"

Again, I ignore the fact that she was the one to get us caught and just sigh. "You're wrong there, hun."

"You think we're going to survive this?" she asks, her voice going really high.

"No, no," I say. "I meant about the giant. You're getting them mixed up with trolls again, sweetheart." I pause. "Trolls are dumb. Giants are really, really smart, and there's no way both of us are getting out of this."

There it is, the first chapter! I hope you enjoyed it, and don't forget to favourite and comment! Constructive criticism and feedback are appreciated :)