Waves of love (kiribaku no quirk au)

a/n

So before you read this, quick trigger warning for mentions of eating disorders and self harm
also most of this is just a vent so you don't have to read

so I know I probably said I'd never post here again, but I just needed to.

since I first started writing this, I've progressed so much. with my writing, personality, heck even my own fucking self.

so I haven't gotten myself to edit everything out yet, so my deadname is in most chapters, but hi, I'm ashton, or arson, and I use he/they pronouns.

this was the first fan fiction I've ever written and I never would have started writing if it wasn't for my friend TineyTara
she started writing this and came up with the story, and wrote the first few chapters, and I wrote the rest.

Back then, I had horrible anger issues and I chased everyone away, and for a  year, me and her weren't friends, and constantly all I felt was guilt. all the friends I managed to make ran away, and I was just shit, I went through a horrible period of depression and honestly I'm still going through it, my coping mechanisms were shit and I had nobody, so the only thing I had was writing, I used writing to cope, it was my only good coping mechanisms, still I had a ton of horrible coping mechanisms. I had (and still sort of have) an ED, and I would SH, and I still do sometimes, even though I'm trying to stop. Writing helps sometimes, but not that much to be honest.

A lot of people hated me, I would treat everyone like crap and wouldn't let anyone in my walls, and I stopped talking to people I loved. I basically ghosted my discord server months on end and the only online interaction I would have was uploading this fic.

Before I came out as trans, I was super hyper feminine, I think it was as a way to hide my true emotions and dysphoria but it ended up making me feel worse.
At one point, I started dating my only friend, but then she started hating me, and she told to kill myself. I almost did multiple times. When she found out I was trans, she called me a faggot every time she saw me, she actually did that up till recently, I'm pretty sure she got expelled for reasons I don't want to say online.

But after my break up, I started becoming pretty close friends with a girl I worked with in my school library, and she's still a good friend. since then my anger issues calmed down and I forced myself to stay quiet and be calm, people used to call me loud, but now I rarely talk.

This year, I started actually getting more friends, and I'm out as trans to most of them. one of them is also trans and he wants to help me come out to the band directors bec I literally cry every time I get dead named lol, but I'm terrified of my parents and I don't want them finding out. they still don't know, my step dad and brothers and sister in law always say super transphobic things, my mom probably wouldn't hate me though, idk

idk how this turned into a vent

anyway I'll get back on topic
when I first started writing, I was this, over emotional person who didn't know who he was, and I've progressed so much, i may still have horrible anxiety and I'm not confident, but I know who I am, and I'm even dating someone, who btw is the fucking best

other than personality wise, my writing has also gotten better, I always write, almost every single night, and I've progressed so much, and I've even started writing an actual book

I want to thank every single person that has read and voted and commented here for helping me through dark times and helping me become a better person

that's all I have to say

thank you so much.

if you want, you can check out some of my other fics

thanks ❤❤

-arson