———— 📍Location: School campus ⏰ Time: 7:35 am ————
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Chapter 12
i ran to my car and drove off, from where my car was in the parking lot, through the teachers lounge windows you could see me.
i reversed parking and got out of my parking spot, i drove off to who knows where.
•••
i ended up going to the cafe near my studio. i had my guitar and strummed it and tried to calm myself down.
"why the fuck am i so upset" i asked myself "why am i so stupid" i slapped my hand on my acoustic guitar.
"i can't even compare to anything" i stunned it again playing a different note.
"she's everything... he wanted but never got from me" i sang out my feelings a little too loudly and strummed my guitar again.
"i hate myself so much" i cried more and strummed different notes. i played a little getting a little crowd to look at me.
"there's not a lot i can about how jealous she makes me"
"she's prettier, skinner, funnier and more bright"
"she was the light you've always needed"
"a bright, pretty light"
i laughed a little before strumming the cords more.
"she's less problematic, something you've always liked"
"unlike me i'm the complete opposite" i said normally and not singing it "i'm a mess, clingy, a problem to you, someone she isn't."
"maybe i should get another piercing" i said normally and thought.
"i'm annoying" i strummed my guitar and sang
"i wish i was everything you wanted" i sang a little "too bad" i said bluntly
"ugh i hate you" i sang the last few words of the song i had written down from my head.
people clapped for me and smiled. they left some cash on the table for me and left the café happily.
i was confused but took the money and put it in my pocket.
•••
"y/n?" i heard a guy voice say.
i hadn't finished the rest of my classes and stayed at the cafe doing my work and reading my music notes and playing a few songs for people.
i looked up and saw osamu.
"hey" i said
"you've been gone almost the whole day, i was starting to get worried, can you talk to me about how you feel, maybe it'll help, tell me what's wrong" he sat in front of me and looked in my eyes. i knew he felt really bad. i sighed.
"nothing samu, just stop worrying about me, i don't wanna talk"
"but i do, now talk to me" he begged "i know we just met but come on, i won't say anything, was the girl that walked in...the girl he...supposedly cheated on you with?...."
i stayed silent.
"is she?"
"...yea she is..." i tried not to cry "why the fuck am i crying oh my god, i'm so pathetic for crying like that, i'm such an idiot"
"you're not an idiot, it was just your bottle of emotions over filling, you just need to empty it a little, so talk"
"fine, i feel so upset and pathetic right now, i felt so angry and sad when i saw her face, i remembered her and saw her from back then, i felt jealous a little, i hate myself for not moving on, i don't know why i can't move on, i feel so upset and sad about this, i feel angry, more and more angry, i wanna be ok but i'm not, i wanna go away again, i don't wanna be here, i see him so happy, genuinely with her and it makes me so upset cause i couldn't make him as happy when me and him were together, i feel so insecure about myself right now, she's so pretty, i can't even compare or compete, she's so nice and caring and i can see it, she's so feminine unlike me, i'm the complete opposite of what he wanted back then and what he wants not, i feel so guilty for everything, i blame him for everything when i should just be blaming myself for everything, i hate myself so much i spread my hate onto him, i can't even hate him as much, but i do, i can't even do anything about myself, i feel so bad, i just wanna go away already" i cried more "i don't know what to do"
"h-hey calm down, take a deep breath, y/n you're perfect the way you are, i don't care about what you look like or who you are, you are you y/n and i love that about you, that's why i wanted to be your friend, because when i first saw you, i could feel the emotions you had bottled up and i wanted to help you, don't feel bad about anything about this it's ok, stop comparing yourself to her, cause truly, everyone who knows you better and everyone else who admires you love you and thinks of you as better then her, you're so much better then her y/n you're a whole rockstar" he said, i laughed a little at his statement "my point is, is that you're awesome and comparing yourself to others, is shit, cause you're perfect the way you are, and i like you for you, you're really amazing y/n and i hate to see you down like this, just because your idiotic ass ex and his girlfriend"
i stayed silent and stood up. he watched me. i wiped my tears and looked away from him. he opened his arms and i glanced at him and looked away. i walked into his arms and hugged him back.
