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Chapter 16
• tomorrow was going to be the big day and i was really prepped up. suna had finally gone back to his own house. me and him finally ignored each and left each other alone.
i was happy.
but sad at the same time.
*KNOCK*
i heard the door. i got up from cleaning out my closet i opened the door, to my surprise it was suna.
i sighed and opened the door wider for him to come in but he shook his head no.
"can we go on a walk?" he asked
"sure" i sighed and put on some shoes.
we walked out and around our neighborhood. we hadn't said anything. the sun was setting and it looked beautiful outside.
"so why did you want me to walk with you? i don't wanna be wasting my time" i sighed "i have a pretty big thing tomorrow"
"i called you out to take a walk because i wanted to settle things with you, so there isn't any bad blood between us" he said
i did the blood signs with my hands and showed them to him. i bit my bottom lip and did a fuck boy face. he laughed a little. (i thought that would be funny...)
"alright well what do you wanna talk about? i thought we already cleared things up yesterday"
"yea but i just don't feel like it's enough, cause i wanna have this set straight and so we don't hate one another. i want you to tell me what you hate about me. everything, and i wanna find a way to make it up to you and to do things that won't have you hate me, cause truly i wanna be your friend again y/n i don't wanna live with regrets and guilt" he looked to the sky
"me either. well where do we start off?" i looked at him.
"let's start of with you telling me everything you hate about me"
"well i hate you because when we were together before i felt like i was constantly getting led on, we weren't a good couple as all at most, i felt like i was needed by you, you were using me only when you needed me, a few weeks before we broke up like 3-4 weeks before. i was in pain. i was hurt because you ghosted me, avoided me, didn't want anything to do with me, acted like we weren't together, i got into constant fights with my mom as well, things started to get bad at home. dad had left us to start a new life, mom drank more and more, constantly went out with her coworkers to go drink, come back to yell at me and hurt me. i tried to make sure my little brother didn't hear anything and made him stay with my aunt. me and my mother kept getting in fights, i tried to contact you so i could calm down and talk but you never picked up and called, even at school you constantly avoided me. you were the only one i could talk to cause i trusted you more then anyone else. a few days before graduation i kept hearing rumors saying you were with another girl and you broke up with me, or talked shit about me and my family. i pushed past it and thought it were all lies. graduation came and we broke up, we attended the same school cause we wanted to together, i ditched the school i wanted to go to for you, only to get heart broken. the same day i saw in the corner of my eye kissing the same girl everyone said you were dating while we were together. the exact same day, the day my brother came back, i saw him out in the streets and get killed right in front of my eyes, i always thought maybe if i were never with you, none of that would happen but i was wrong for thinking that and blamed it in my mom instead. few days after seeing you kiss the girl i found out you guys got together. i tried to contact you to find out if it's true and tried to get back together with you but you talked down to me and called me rude shit. more days and days i kept getting hate because we broke up so i skipped the first half of my first year to focus and regain myself again only to lose my self even more. seeing your face makes me disgusted. and what i find mostly disgusting is how after 2 years of being out of your life. you decide to want to come back in it like nothing ever happened. you try to be my friend, ask my favors, try to be nice and buddy buddy, it's annoying. you even try to care for me when you didn't back then. i hate it, i hate people like that. i hate you" i looked at the sky and put my hands behind my head.
"i-i'm so sorry....i didn't know, i just...don't know what to say. i'm sorry i made you feel that way and i really am, i really am an asshole, and i don't know how to make it up to you. i'm really trying to change. i really am y/n and i want to change what ever bad ties we have together and fix them" he said
"i don't care, do what you want, you won't stop till you get what you want anyways, just forget we even had this conversation. it's pointless, i'm shocked that's all you have to say. it was a waste of my time and breath" i sighed turned around to walk back.
he grabbed my wrist and made me stand still, in place.
"i'm sorry for all the shit i've done, i'm a fucking asshole, and honestly that shit i've done but weight on me as well, i've been feeling like an asshole for years, i regret ever doing that to you because you were the nicest and more caring person i've ever met, that's all i could ever think about after we broke up, it's been in my head on repeat ruining me for years, i'm sorry ok, i thought being nice to you now would show progress that i'm being forgiven and that ain't happening, ever since i've always been trying to change the person i am because of that, i'm sorry i wasn't there for you back then, i never meant to ignore you, i just couldn't stop overthinking everything and did whatever i could to get away from you, within time i lost feelings. i'm sorry y/n, i'm a fucking asshole. i've hated myself for years because of the shit i've done and i'm sorry, i really want to be on good terms with you and restart and have another chance at being your friend since i fucked up the first time. i'm fucking sorry y/n. i really am. you don't have to forgive me now but just know i'll do anything to get your forgiveness and be your friend." he said to me. i felt through the tone of his voice he truly meant every word he said.
"we can be friends, just don't go falling in love with me, like what happened in middle school or i'll fully leave everything in my life and start a new one in america. earn my forgiveness till i stop hating you. right now you've only earned 10% of that forgiveness but i still hate you." i snatched my hand back and started walking.
he rushed a little forward and stood next to me. he smiled a little and nodded. we walked back home as he tried to talk to me and get to know how the past two years were like for me. i didn't answer the big questions and didn't say much.
he dropped me home.
"bye y-" i cut him off by slamming the door on his face.
i looked out the eye hole thing and saw he was just frozen and shocked. i open the door and laughed
"bye suna" i laughed
he smiled and nodded, i watched him walk back home and soon closed my door.
