A Neighbouring Romance

13 - panicked

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Love,

M

chapter 13

I enter the house and my feet are quick to take me up the stairs, desperate to make it to the safety of my bedroom. I immediately shut the door behind me as my chest closes in. Tears threaten to run down my face and I pull my hair out of its wretched ponytail to lessen the tension of my pounding headache.

As I turn to my bed, I'm halted in my actions at the sight of Noah in my room. I blink a few times to make sure I'm not hallucinating, and then I ask him to leave angrily.

He can't see me like this again. I won't let him.

The water that I pour for myself does nothing to calm down the anxiety, I'm on edge with him staring at me across the room.

"Just-" A cry slips from my lips, "leave."

"Hope, you need me here with you. It's just me. Please-"

"No!" I turn around too quickly and my head spins. "I don't need you now, just like I didn't need you then."

He's saying something to me but my mind doesn't register the words because everything has started to tilt, my vision is blurring.

"I-"

A palm presses against my forehead and the empty glass in my other hand slips through my fingers onto the rug beneath me.

I'm going to pass out.

"Fuck." I murmur, feeling my body slide down the door of my closet.

"Hope!"

Everything fades to black for a minute and when my eyes stutter open again, they rest on the anxious face in front of me. Noah's brows are furrowed and his lips parted in shock as I awaken. For a second it seems like there are tears in his eyes, but they're gone within a second if they ever did exist. If I wasn't mentally checked out right now, I'd laugh at the idea of Noah having empathy.

"Are you okay?" He's mumbling something frantically under his breath.

Seeing him look at me with such concern sends pain coursing through my veins. Sudden heavy sobs begin to wrack my body at being caught like this, accompanied by feelings of guilt and anguish. I brace myself against the door, trying and failing to stop the emotions from overcoming me. I press a palm against my mouth to quieten myself, but it quickly moves to my run itself through locks of my hair in a feverishness.

"You're having another panic attack aren't you?" His voice is so calm and steady, I envy it for a moment. I pull into myself and keep my face averted from the boy and whatever it is that he has to say.

"I'm s-sorry you're seeing t-this.. Please- just go.. I-I'm okay." I cry, barely able to speak without hiccupping at every breath.

He shifts his body to sit down next to me on the floor, his head falling back against the door as he turns to look at me. A hand reaches out to clasp mine and the sudden contact of his cold skin against my warm hands make me jolt.

"I won't leave you."

Tears are incessantly streaming down my face and Noah's other hand brushes them away from my cheeks. He sits with me in silence as I cry, sobs never-ending like this nightmare.

Eventually he tentatively looks to me and asks, "Is this because of the hospital or-"

A whimper slips through the sniffles. "Everything."