So Gone (Ed Sheeran)

I'm addicted to your touch.

    There were days when suddenly you couldn't imagine going on with your life. Today was one of those days.

   I had woken up and fallen off the couch. Just with that, you knew your day was going to suck. Then, I had wanted a coffee but I had dropped my cup on the floor. Flora had laughed, I had felt like hitting my head on the wall until I blacked out. She had told me that a shower would wake me up and that every would be fine afterwards. I had forgotten to take a towel in the bathroom and she had to give it to me with the door just a bit opened, chuckling. When I stopped talking to her at about ten o'clock, that was when she realized how sick of life I had gotten in two hours. There was just no point in living if I couldn't do anything right.

    What must've pulled the last string was when Flora had asked me to play her a song. One of my strings broke and I didn't have any other to replace the broken one. I couldn't even play properly.

"Ed. Ed! Come on!" Flora said dramatically. I hadn't talked in four hours. "What about we get you new strings, uh? The guy from the music store down the street is a friend. Will you come? I know nothing about it."

    I looked up at her and shook my head. Me in a music store today? I'd break every instrument just by looking at it.

"Get up, we're going. And I swear I'll drag you if I have to." She told me. I couldn't bring myself to stand up. I felt like such a child for acting this way, but I was literally afraid of what I could do without even intending to do it.

"It can wait until tomorrow, just leave me alone." I muttered and closed my eyes wishing that I could disappear. Flora sat next to me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She whispered.

   There was just so much I wanted to tell. I wanted to let her know that I felt horrible for staying with her without paying anything. I wanted to talk about the mess I was, about how her touch made it all easier and the fact that it also made me feel ten times worse. I wanted nothing more than to give in to everything I was fighting against.
   I decided that I couldn't say all of that to Flora so I got up and made my way to the balcony, but she grabbed my arm.

"You are not smoking again. You've already had eight cigarettes and it's only two in the afternoon." Flora said harshly. I just shook my head.

"I don't care." I replied as harshly.

"But I do! You are ruining your health and it's only because of a bad day! Don't you see how stupid it is?!"

    I hadn't meant to let what I said next out. "It's not only because of today, it's because of you."

    As soon as the words left my mouth, her hand let go of me. She was staring at the floor, my words probably making her feel heavy.

   It sounded wrong, but she didn't understand what I was really saying. She didn't get on my nerves, how could she? No, I was just so stressed that she'd come across one of the songs I wrote about her and actually understood what I thought I felt for her. I was on the edge because I was craving her touch a little more everyday and I didn't want to feel this way. I was afraid that she'd notice how weird and needy I sometimes sounded and that she'd put the pieces together. I was afraid to make a mistake and open myself again.

"I'm sorry I make you do that to yourself." She whispered without looking up and turned to go back to the living room.

   Dammit! What did I do to deserve such a day? I was making mistakes after mistakes.

"No Flora, wait!" I half screamed. But she didn't turn around. "Just great." When I arrived behind the couch, I hesitated between staying hidden or sitting with her. I didn't have the time to choose before she spoke.