So Gone (Ed Sheeran)

It's not complicated.

We're all making this big deal of text messages. The sad truth is that it's the main communication form we use. We've forgotten what smiling at a stranger is. We deny the power of words, of voices. We live in a world where the hardest decision to make is whether to send a stupid text or not. How messed up is that?

This is the reason why we can't live, we constantly put barriers between the world and us. We create a form of distraction, something that can make us think we aren't missing out on the most important things in life.

But we are.

Nobody dares to live because we got taught not to. We've been reduced to caring about what shouldn't be cared about. The few interactions that keep on existing between human beings are allowed by devices. Technology is ruining humanity.

And it's not only that.

We're accepting all of it. We accept to walk in the streets looking at our phones, listening to music so loud that we wouldn't hear anyone calling us. We accept to be selfish.

And that was a thought I couldn't bear.

I knew we were the most selfish creatures on this planet. However, we used to be way more sociable only fifteen years ago. We were willing to help each other when now we compare and envy each other.

Just before starting this next story, I want to point out that I absolutely despise violence. It never solved anything and I don't think it'll ever do so.

It was a few years ago, I was at a groceries store, just about to check out when I suddenly heard a lot of noise. So, naturally, I made my way over there to see what was happening. Two men were beating up another one. And around them was a whispering crowd. I heard people saying that the man whose face was most likely already broken must have done something to deserve it, that they would never have been in this situation because they were respectable. After ten seconds, they all went back to their shopping as if nothing was happening.

I had to intervene, and let me tell you it was not pretty for anybody. This man was about to be beaten up to death and nobody dared -not even dared, they didn't want to- do something.

We lie to ourselves. How has it become acceptable to let someone die in front of us? Never. That's the answer. But no one wants to wake up and take a look at what they've done of our world. Monsters became real and they don't hide under our beds anymore. No, they've become way more clever. They walk the streets we know so well, acting careless and innocent, when in reality they're hypocrites. These monsters are us. We became what we were the most afraid of, without even noticing it.

Now can you understand why I don't want to live? I don't want to face this and see the world collapsing.

I used to be pathetic when Ana left me. But at least I was safe from all of this. My main concern was myself and I knew how to deal with that. I can't change anyone but myself. If they don't want to see that something is wrong, they won't be influenced by anything.

And all this hatred towards life could still be eased thanks to one person. One person who didn't let themselves get beaten up and enjoyed whatever came their way. One human who was too careless for their own good. One girl that made me feel things I thought I would never feel.

Flora.

Yet, I had left her. I hadn't built up the guts to tell her I wanted to be with her and protect her from all the monsters that envy her pure soul, even though she must be able to do that better than me.

The explanation may be that everything is temporary and therefore, I was scared to see the day when she wouldn't care about me anymore.

I know that it's no reason to stop living. That is just an excuse to justify the fact that I don't think making the effort will be useful.

There's something incredible about Flora. She makes me miss things I didn't even know existed. She makes me imagine things and believe it could be true. She makes me fall for them and miss them when they were just illusions.

She could build me up and tear me down in a matter of seconds. I craved things I would never be able to see with my eyes, only with my mind. It left me feeling empty at times because she put so much hope in me.

I wasn't exactly the pessimistic type of person, neither was I optimistic. I was just content with what I could have and tried to move on when clearly, you can't move on from things that were never inside in the first place. And that explains why it's so hard for me to be hopeful, especially since some would say that hopes don't lead anywhere.

Yet, they do.

How many times have you wished for something so much that it gave you the strength to go for it? How many times have you gone to sleep just to end a bad day, just to dream everything away?

We fool ourselves. Just as we do with communication and technology. We're scared of being happy because it never lasts. And it's true, you can't be happy for ever. But one thing is sure : if it was the case, if happiness could last forever, life would lose all its meaning because you wouldn't be able to cherish those moments of pure ecstasy.

We often say that sky's the limit. It's not. We are the limit. We restrict ourselves.

You're scared of being happy? Then you'll never be. If you don't believe in what you want, you will never build up the courage you need to get it.

It's life. It is what we should realise, what should get us through the days. Yet, we don't see that because we refuse to admit that we've ruined what we were supposed to do.  Egos took every good thing away.

Each time you give in to your fears, you lose a bit of who you are. Each time you give something up because you can't see the point in doing it anymore, you erase the part of yourself that would've learnt from this experience.

I know I say all of these things even though I'm no better than anyone else. I refused to pick up my phone because I was aware that it wasn't how I should contact the person who meant so much to me, however, I couldn't bring myself to get back to Flora. I was stuck. I had stuck myself in a situation that wouldn't have happened if I had just thought for more than two seconds.

It's what it's all about. Thinking. And I might have thought about certain things too much, made them more complicated than they were in the first place. And I might not have thought enough about decisions that needed to be thought through. I made mistakes, some worse than others. But even with everything, I'm as normal as everyone is said to be.

And by normal, we simply mean human.