So Gone (Ed Sheeran)

I can't shake this feeling now

You shouldn't get your hopes up. It truly breaks you inside, the way everything comes crashing down.

I know I shouldn't have thought Flora needed me. She didn't have any issue with Ryan. They were pretty close, but nothing to worry about, I mean about getting hurt. When I explained my suspicion to her, she started to shout at me.

"What do you think? That I can't stand up for myself? That I can't defend myself?" She yelled at me. Seriously though. She was getting mad because I cared about her. How perverted was it?

"I mean that this guy is totally the type of guy who wouldn't let you a chance to fight back, alright? Can't we just drop it? I didn't come here to have an argument." I sighed.

"This guy? That's how you'll call Ryan now, uh? He's nice and caring, okay?" She replied. I can't believe she was defending him. What did he do to deserve that?

"Stop defending him! Don't you see the way he looks at you? You're just flesh to him, nothing more! The only thing he cares about is getting into your pants!" I said.

I was getting angry. I know I shouldn't be, I know what damage it did to me and how far it could go, but somehow, I couldn't help myself. This was ridiculous.

"As if that's not the only thing you want too!" She choked on her breath after saying that. I could see her eyes get glassy and I cursed mentally at myself.

That's the thing with anger. Once you let go of the hold you had on it, it can't be controlled. And you just have to face the consequences of what you involuntary said or did. And I didn't want to face what I did next. Or rather of what I had intended to do next.

I got closer to her, my hands gripping lightly her shoulders. I had meant to kiss her, but she flinched back as soon as my hands met her arms. And that's how I lost it. I already had a hard time deciding what I felt for her, the realization that she must have lied to me was too hard to take.

"Get your shirt off." I demanded, coldly. Flora only shook her head, making two steps backwards to get away from me, as if I was scaring her. "Get your bloody shirt off!"

"Don't touch me." She whispered, getting further away from me.

All I could see in her eyes was fear. Pure terror. And I think that's what calmed me down. Flora shouldn't be afraid of me. She was supposed to feel safe with me, not having to worry about anything. And here she was, her world caving in right in front of me as I had to watch.

Isn't it ironic how human beings need to live in society but still manage to destroy each other any time they can? I think, somewhere, we all lost the sight of what life was supposed to mean. We lost ourselves trying to be perfect, making looks and fashion the most important thing about someone, making believe it's okay and normal to look down on everybody else and only getting what we want of people without giving anything in return.

Life was, at first, about having experiences, discovering the world and enjoying our time there. Whereas now, it was about being the best, the most powerful, the one who controlled everyone else.

Perhaps was it to forget that we didn't have control over ourselves. Still, it didn't justify anything.

I walked slowly towards Flora, watching her every move. My heart skipped beats every time she tried to get away even though she was already against the wall.

"I won't hurt you, Flora. You know I would never do that..." I let out.

"Leave me alone." She whimpered and I felt something break.

She was the kind of girl with a golden heart. The girl who'd make everyone happy before herself, always there if anybody -even a stranger- needed it. She was also the kind of person who had learned the hard way that you were meant to do what you wanted to and what you enjoyed doing. How unfair was it that she'd been hurt so much when she had got the meaning of life figured out?