So Gone (Ed Sheeran)

I am a liar.

   I couldn't think straight. I hated to see the pain in Flora's eyes when I told her I preferred leaving. I hated to be the one to leave and make someone miss me. I also hated that I had let her care about me, or that I cared about her. I never meant for this to happen. I never meant to make her stay beside me all night long to try and convince me I could stay here a little longer, or meant to make her feel selfish.

   There obviously was a lot I didn't expect to do. But what I knew would come was the way I slowly started to feel down, and just not worth anything in life. Flora wasn't supposed to be there and waste her time on me. Nobody was supposed to be there for me, I didn't deserve it.

   I looked at the TV more than I actually watched it. I couldn't focus. It got even harder when I felt Flora's head slowly falling on my shoulder at around five in the morning.

You shouldn't allow that. You haven't done anything to deserve affection.

   It was true. I had made more mistakes than good actions.

   Remembering the taste of her lips on mine made a shiver go down my spine. She didn't enjoy that and I had forced it on her.

   I tried to rest Flora's head on a pillow when I got up to get some fresh air, and she muttered in her sleep.

"Don't leave too..."

Do you see what you've done? You are ruining her.

   I got up anyway, holding my head between my hands to try and suppress the headache that suddenly appeared.

   It was awful to always see the bad side of things, to see how harmful your presence was. But the worst was how you couldn't change it.

   I had no one. The only people I used to think I could count on proved me wrong. I pushed the rest away because I couldn't see what my company offered them. I was alone, and I hated that because it left me talking to myself and pointing out every single one of my flaws.

   I opened the window and put my head outside, resting it on top of my hands, feeling the cool breeze hit my cheeks. I felt something else than hatred and it was relieving.

   I didn't know how much time had passed when I felt a warm hand against my neck, its thumb running small circles on my skin.

"You're going to catch something if you stay like that." Flora whispered.

"I don't mind." I answered honestly. I couldn't care less of what happened to me. Catching a stupid cold was the least of my problems.

"But I do." She said quietly and stopped moving her thumb. As soon as she did, I felt my muscles contracting, instantly craving her touch. Yet it wasn't right. "Ed, look at me."

   I eventually did what she asked me and she just stared at me, seeming in deep thought, as if she was searching for the right words, ones that wouldn't make me explode.

See how difficult it is to deal with you.

"I've met a lot of people, Ed. I've also been through a lot and I can notice the signs. I've noticed how different you acted each day, and I know there's a reason for that. Not a fair one, may I add. You haven't done anything wrong. There's no-"

"I kissed you and pushed you away." I muttered.

"Is there something wrong with that?" Flora asked. "Is it wrong if I get closer to you, like that..." With these words, she took a step towards me. She was so close I could feel her breath caressing my skin.