As Told By Paramours

chapter fifteen

elijah

I AM EMBARRASSINGLY REALLY REALLY PROUD OF MYSELF.

Not because other people are telling me I did good, but because there's this liberating feeling when you know or at least think you did good, like validation from other people doesn't matter, because you know you were great. I can't wait to tell Mauve, and my dad, and-- I almost falter in my steps when my brain adds Josie to the list.

"Good job today, Eli," Monroe, another resident pats me on the back as I jog past her with a grin in response.

"Hey, have you seen Hailey?" I ask Aubrey at the reception. Hailey said she'd check my schedule to see if I could do weekly performances, but I haven't seen her for hours.

"You were great," Aubrey says as a greeting, grinning with her dimples at full force and holding up two thumbs for me. "And I think she went into the east wing." I nod, grin widening, and murmur a thank you, deciding to take the stairway as an easy route.

I'm on the second set of stairs when I freeze.

"Oh," I mutter before I can stop myself.

There's a girl.

She's sitting with her head against the wall so her hair falls over her face, hands folded neatly in her lap. She's in a baggy brown cardigan on top of a white tee, and I can see the frilly pink socks with pale brown heart patterns peeking out from under her frayed jeans.

I pause briefly, contemplating turning around, when she looks up.

"Oh," she says. I blink at brown eyes.

"Um."

"Hey," she says. "Penpal."

Then I freeze. Josie.

I mentally put her voice to every note she'd written as she wipes at her face furiously. So she was the girl staring at me in the crowd. I don't know how I feel about that. About this.

"Josie. Hello."

Not how I thought we'd meet.

Not how I thought I'd feel when we met.

"This isn't embarrassing at all," she murmurs.

I don't know why I'm doing what I'm doing, but suddenly I'm stepping up towards her, and I sit beside her on the stairs, a little too aware of every move she's making. "It's not." When she gives me a look that says yeah right, I add: "Honest."

"Right." I don't know I'm counting until I note: she took three deep breaths.

"You okay?" I ask softly, and bump her shoulder with mine, then I wonder if that was too familiar for someone I've never met. "I mean... if something happened, you know. You could tell me."

"I'm sorry," she shakes her head. "I- I can't really..."

"Hey. It's okay."

"I'm sorry," she says, letting out a clogged huff, "But can I just have a hug? I know we haven't really met met, and Khushi usuall-"

I hug her.

Or I give her a side hug, the type where you pull them towards you by the shoulder, and rest your head against the other person's comfortably.

I think she murmurs: "Thanks," and I feel awful, because I feel like I've somehow benefited from the hug, too.

"Can you sing to me?" she says, and I nod so she can feel it against her head.

And so then it's just us, me singing to her, her humming along throatily, and my heart beating fast.