As Told By Paramours

chapter twenty

josie

I FLATTEN MY HAIR AND LICK MY LIPS, shutting my phone off as I swing my legs over the end of my bed.

Khushi told me checking your phone first thing in the morning was bad (guilty); especially when you're doing it for a boy (also guilty).

So maybe a voice note wasn't the way to go.

I grab my toothbrush and brush very calmly.

Maybe saying I still wanted to stick to leaving notes as well as texting each other was a little bold.

I comb my hair a couple times, regretting cutting it to just below my shoulders, and dress up.

So maybe ranting about siblings was a bit excessive.

He doesn't have his read receipts on, and a small part of me wonders if he did that specifically because of me, but then I feel silly, because there's a high chance it doesn't matter nearly as much as my brain is trying to convince me it does.

It's only been hours since I sent it, anyway. He could be busy: that's what I tell myself as I go through my hilariously boring school day and check my phone so many times Khushi took it from me for half the day. I'm anxious, and I don't know why.

But then I walk into John's room later the same day, smiling and making casual conversation with him, and I spot a small folded light brown sticky note by the sink, and I feel a swelling in my chest, the same swelling feeling I get after eating an unhealthy amount of birthday cake.

Hey.

1. Didn't know you had two sisters, but it seems fitting now that I think about it.

2. So there's this thing with my friends: they do not think you exist. Wanna prove them wrong Monday?

Elijah :)

1. Oh? Do you have any older siblings? My bets are on an older sister.

2. I never miss a chance to prove someone wrong. Common room Tuesday?

Josie :~)

1. You're oddly right on.

2. You bet.

Elijah :)

● ● ●

Good grief.

I mean I had come.

But now I'm thoroughly regretting such a choice. I don't know what I was thinking.

Meeting his friends? That's like, meeting his parents (okay, maybe slight exaggeration).

But he is a friend... and I did say I'd be there.

My phone buzzes, and I look down, picking it up as soon as I see the caller ID.

"Hey," Khushi greets over the phone. "How's it going?"

"I'm not in yet."

"You're not in yet?"

"I'm so nervous, Khushi," I say, and cradle my forehead with my palm. "I'm so nervous. What if they don't like me, or think I'm a bad influence? I mean, I've only met him once. It's normal to be protective over your friends."

"But you've been talking to him for months. Calm down, Josie. Relax."

I peek through the common room door window, and spot him surprisingly quickly, as if I was already looking subconsciously and my brain only needed to catch up.

"You're right," I say. "You're totally right."

"So are you going to calm down and go in there or stay here telling me you're nervous?"
"Eeeh... I'm going to calm down and go in there?"

"'Atta girl!"

I pause. "Wait, why did you call? Need anything?"

She hums. "No, just checking in." Then she drops the line.

I watch him for a second. He's leaning against the wall, smiling softly at something a tall, tanned, black-haired girl in front of him says; Maybe Soo-Ah?

He's wearing a navy blue Dalhousie sweatshirt and light wash jeans with worn, black converse. He pulls a baseball cap over his head, and when the girl says something again, he tilts it down, hiding a smile, and that swelling feeling appears again. I watch them for a moment more; she playfully hits him and he finally laughs. His laugh looks like something rare, something he only shows to a select few people. And maybe to me, it is rare. I've never seen him laugh before.

Something, for a quick second, pushes my nerves down long enough to swing open the door and take a step in. Whatever it is, it leaves me the second I register I'm walking towards them.