Moon Cave [MxM] (Character Book, Moon Cave Book 4)

Love and Losses

JAMISON ¤ POV

I couldn't sleep, how could I? Tomorrow, I was turning eighteen and finally, it would be revealed that Olivia was my mate. I was so excited, so anxious, so worked up that I tossed and turned beside her, unable to keep still.

It wasn't that I needed it confirmed that I was her mate, I loved her regardless, but our relationship still felt incomplete. I needed the thrilling, emotional connection the mating bond was sure to give. I knew I belonged to her but I wanted to be assured that our souls were both part of one whole. One beautiful whole of love and life and adventure.

I giggled, clapping my hand over my mouth to hold in the sound as I flipped over to face her. She was lying on her back, her long, dark hair spread out over the pillows, her tan skin shadowed in the darkness. Her long lashes fluttered against her cheeks as she stirred. It seemed my attempts at remaining quiet hadn't worked because soon enough she blinked open pretty dark green eyes and turned to face me with a sleepy smile.

"What are you doing puppy? Go to sleep," she whispered, holding out her arm. I immeadiately wiggled closer, laying my head on her chest and she draped her arms around me holding me close. "It's almost midnight, go to sleep Jamie."

I snuggled into her curves, unapologetically rubbing my face against her breasts. She chuckled quietly before yawning and patting my back. "I know you're excited but seriously, we have a big day tomorrow so you should probably get some sleep."

"I know, but I cant help it!" I squeaked and she sighed, tickling my stomach, making me yelp and gasp as I laughed. "Will you go on a run with me in the morning?"

"Sure, sure, now close your eyes and sleep," she droned as if she was trying to hypnotise me. I nodded, closing my eyes and inhaling her rosey scent. It was comforting, like a weighted blanket thrown over my body, keeping me warm and protected.

"I wish mom and papa were here to witness this," mumbled into her oversized night shirt and she squeezed me tighter. "They would've loved you."

"I told you already, they might not be here in person, but they're definitely here in spirit, watching their baby boy grow and become a beautiful man. As long as you're happy, I'm sure they're delighted," she hummed, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

"Uh-huh," I agreed, squeezing my eyes shut and praying to the moon goddess for my parent's approval of my mating to Olivia. Tomorrow was going to be the best day of my life.

Tomorrow was not the best day of my life. In fact, it was number two on my list of the most heartbreaking days of my life so far, second to finding my parents dead in their bed when I was fourteen years old.

I startled awake, sitting up and looking around, waiting for the rapid beating in my chest to kick in, the strong, pulsing magnetic attraction to the she-wolf beside me, the electric arousal to paralyze me.

Nothing.

I felt no different to how I'd felt falling asleep last night. I stared in confusion at Olivia who was peering up at me with an almost wistful smile on her face. She seemed resigned, a slight glisten to her eyes as she watched me fall apart.

I frowned, slowly shaking my head. This had to be some sort of mistake. She was my mate, she had to be. I loved her, there was no way she could be anything less than the wolf I was meant to share the rest of my life with. I squeezed my eyes shut, tapping my chest, breathing heavily. This was wrong, this was all wrong. "W-why can't I feel anything?"

"Jamison," Olivja sat up, pulling me closer towards her. I didn't like the sadness in her voice, I didn't like the way she whispered brokenly. I didn't like any of it.

Before I knew it, tears began to stream from my eyes, rolling down my cheeks in big, fat, salty droplets. "This isn't real. You're my mate. You are, you have to be," I wailed, wanting to scream and tug out my hair. How could fate mess with me like this? How could I not be mated to the woman I was in live with? This wasn't fair.

"It's just not meant to be, puppy. But don't be sad. It just means that theres another wolf out there waiting to find you and love you and-"

"I don't want anyone else! I want you!" I cried, balling my fists and beating them against my pillows. Maybe this really wasn't my birthday and we'd gotten the dates mixed up. That was the only explanation for this. It wasn't my birthday. The calendar dates were wrong.

I crawled under the duvet shaking and pulled the covers over my head, closing my eyes. I got the date wrong. I got the date wrong. I got the date wrong.

"Jamison," Olivia pulled the covers away and sat me up. She lifted me into her lap and held my hips tightly. "Stop for a second, take a deep breath and calm down for me," she ordered, her dominant voice making my body melt and my breathing slow on her command. I blinked tearfully at her beautiful face wondering why the moon goddess hated me so much that she would take my parents and the woman I had grown to love away from me.

I quivered and the utter devastation I felt made my shoulders cave in and I felt sick to my stomach with grief. Olivia swiped her slim fingers beneath my eyes wiping away the tears there. "Look at me puppy," she ordered and I sniffled as I met her gaze.

"I love you, Jamison. I love you so much that thinking about a life without you causes me physical pain. You've been everything to me for the last four years and will continue to be an important part of my life for years to come. We're not fated mates and although it seems like the end of the world right now, just think that this is only a fraction of our lives. A fraction of a long journey with many more twists and turns, gifts and blessings to come."

She cupped my face and smiled, even as a few stray tears began to roll down her own cheeks. "I love you so much Jamie, but there is someone out there who owns the other part of your soul and another who owns part of mine. That can't be helped and when the time comes, we'll be able to let go of each other and give ourselves to our fated mates. But for now, you are my boyfriend. You are my little puppy. You are my perfect Jamie. You are the one I wake up for in the mornings. That won't change and we are going to cherish this fraction of our lives together for as long as it lasts. So no tears, puppy. No sadness. Only a celebration of our current love and a greater love to come in the future."

I sank against her, sniffling as she cuddled me close and rocked me in her arms. I felt defeated, small, disappointed, scared. But her comforting words, her explanation of love, her familiar embrace and her perfect scent calmed me down and allowed me to breathe through my fears. I buried my fingers in her hair, hiccuping and shaking.

"Be strong, Jamie. You can do that for me, right?" She asked softly and I found myself nodding against her shoulder, burying into her warmth.

"I'll t-try."

"Good boy." Olivia held me like that until I finally exhausted myself and fell asleep in her arms. I woke up still being cuddled and swaddled and Olivia had kissed me all over my body, running her smooth, gentle hands over me until I came for her, albeit in tears. It was bittersweet, our love making that morning.

We were sweaty and naked, tangled together, our kisses salty from the droplets on our cheeks, our breaths laboured, our hearts beating quickly in both fear and love. But I wouldn't have changed a thing. I wanted to stay in her arms for as long as she'd have me.

"I love you," I whispered brokenly, running my lips along hers.

She kissed me briefly, her touch tender and sweet. "I love you too puppy. Nothing will ever change that. You'll always hold a place in my heart."

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