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      I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND how your mind could know that something was wrong; that it was bad for you. Yet your heart, more powerful and deadly than all of your other organs combined, ended up making the final decision. The decisions that hurt you, broke you and sometimes...even killed you.

     I always thought that my mind knew right from wrong and by the same token, would choose right from wrong. But, if that were true, then I wouldn't be lying on Lucy's bed making a list of pro's and con's about Luke in my head while she changed. I wouldn't even be considering it.

     Because Luke was wrong in every form, even if it didn't necessarily feel that way. The fact of the matter was that he was still blackmailing me, still using his upper hand selfishly. And that wasn't the slightest bit okay.

     "I never want to go to another prison again," Lucy says, cringing dramatically to emphasize her point. I shake my head, laughing as she finishes her recollection of events from her trip last night.

        "You might just have to if you get caught drinking," I reply, sitting up and exhaling heavy as I try to push my list out of my head.

     He makes everything a little more bearable

                    but he pushes me around sometimes

     He listens to me, really listens to me

                     but he's like a bomb I'm afraid will detonate at any given moment 

       and about a million more I wasn't even sure made sense or not. At this point, I felt like I was just looking for reasons why potential feelings weren't okay. I didn't even know if the reasons I was telling myself were true, or if I just wanted them to be. Maybe both.

       "That's why I'm careful," She winks, grinning as she backcombs her ponytail. "Are you submitting Casual Affair soon?"

      "I hope so," I mutter bitterly, pulling my cover up tighter around my body. It was March; it shouldn't have still been cold outside, but that was North Carolina for you. Maybe global warming had more to do with the odd weather than anything else but, still. At least it was sort of sunny outside.

     Because of the temperature, I had no desire to spend the day at a boat party. Much less one hosted by Lucy and Luke's C̶E̶O̶ asshole of a father. (I also didn't really want to run into Luke). But Lucy wanted me to go so she wouldn't be alone, so here I was.

       "Still working out a few kinks, it should be ready to go soon," I lie easily, smiling at her.

        "I guarantee you that the contest directors will love it," She reassures me, slinging a duffel bag full of extra towels, sunscreen, chargers, and a bunch of other things we probably didn't need over her shoulder. Yeah, they might, if they ever get a chance to read it.

      Seeing that she's finally ready to go, I grab my phone off of her bed and follow her out of the door, keeping my arms crossed over my chest and head down.

        "You reek of sex, do you really want Mum getting a whiff of you like that?" Lucy frowns, staring down at Luke, who has just walked out of his bedroom. Perfect fucking timing.

         "That's what happens when you have it all night," He replies, staring down at me. I feel his icy blue eyes cutting craters into my skin but I ignore him, gnawing on my bottom lip and shifting side from side. "It'll take me five minutes to shower, chill." Lucy rolls her eyes, pushing past her older brother --older by a whole thirteen seconds. She used to complain about it all the time until she realized that despite the fact that he was "older", she was more mature-- and ambling down the stairs with me in tow behind her.

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