And now when i feel my mind turning itself inside out
I see why i wanted you so much.
It all became too much.
They were all over me.
Imaginary friends are great until you want to move little bit away, change the scene, get some me time, meet new people and change horizons, and you realize it's impossible to ever move away from them because they, true to their word, never leave you.
And you, you came from south and brought sunshine on your back and promise of blues and something new and they couldn't do anything about you bc i was happy and that's all they want.
But they suffocate me with their care and their presence.
I share every success and tragedy with them
I want to run away
From holding myself to sleep pretending its real
But real is ugly too
It's being drunk and having baby next day and calling it love because some things you can't reverse and move on like you haven't just changed entire course of your life
There is no love anymore in this world
They either want to fuck you because you look nice
Or use you to control you to feel less lonely to feel better about themselves when they make you feel less human because they took your choices and freedom its funny they laugh and smile and push your face to the ground
No one wants to give something
No one wants to be friends
It's bad if you are friend it means you are ugly
Friends don't get some
Girls are mean they want conversation
Boys rule the world
They paint women evil if they don't return a favor when you talk to them about politics and justice and saving penguins
They burn us on piers or ignore our existence if we don't confine in their standards
We put makeup on because we watch our sisters being adored when their lips are as red as blood some watch turn in circles right before their eyes, and no one loves them they hide scars that kept them alive.
It's all a mess
Your greens your blues
Saltwater playing in background, your lips on mine, your smile is saying stay with me not just for tonight i would like to spend all my time with you and give you all my tshirts and learn why you always look like you are seconds from breaking apart.
Afternoon Sun is coming in, climbing over your back, nesting in you hair, you are adorned in gold you are most beautiful creature of my dreams.
Keep me safe. Don't send me back.
To faces that sang me lullabies since i was twelve
Promising they will always sit waiting for me perched on my bed
That I will grow and call my shots and we will all live happy till the end
They still sit and protect me
Monsters in my head
No one can save you from yourself
But they know me better than i know me
They are my subconsciousness with human face
They are all i am missing
All i am wishing for at the end of the day
You saw the truth even in the dark of crowded electrified club when i was half drunk and brave enough to invite you for a ride of your life
I think now that you saw how desperate I was for a change for someone, for new face to make love to my thirsty soul
I am a ship that got stranded in forest
Vines haul me deeper
my imagination only thing keeping me company
my lovers ghosts i deal cards with and sing chanties to the open sea only to hear their echo coming back from horizon with rising sun because there is no one out there
but illusion keeps me sane at least i have repeated that lie enough times to see it as my only reality
only way to keep this forest, alive with voices, out of my head,
roots at bay away from creeping through broken windows from wrapping their tendrils around my ribs and pulling me apart.
I need my lungs air keeps me alive and I keep them alive. My friends my ghosts and songs we sing and echoes we wait for on threadbare stern of this long lost ship.
My enchanted prince are you listening?
Or are you already kissing her?
Did you leave my ship without goodby as well
Even though you said you don't want to ever hurt me
What's with leaving and not saying goodby?
What are you all afraid of?
You are leaving never to see me again anyway
Maybe it's better that way
So bitterness can stop me from ever running back
Not said goodbyes create ghosts
And what's the point of living
If i have to spend my days with ghosts whose souls are somewhere else never thinking of me?
You leave me on my ship
My ship sinks deeper in forest
I sink deeper in my daydreams.
