Tired of loving
Kings
Sunlights
Blues
We are like French and Spain in main round of group one
Both know our worth
Back and forth
No one makes proper move
No one wants to win nor lose
When it is all already finished and done written off as moving on no matter what we show
Only thing left to answer
What's the name of next opponent to study to adore until it hurts when score board says we lost another round never enough to be loved the way you love strangers from hallways and courts that are nothing but groups of scavengers hungry for skin and meat to devour
Sunlight finds me after a year
Still as in love as when mutual friend had to drag him away as he turned in flustered mess playing smitten cool kid in town we called only ours because it never stopped smiling it never found out about us
I told him I don't want to ever love again
I am empty, I said
And his blues reached across all the moments making us terrified to stay in love
I hate everyone
Real and imagined
Who took me away from your heart that was ready to love me in darkest nights deepest snows lowest Celsius when our town turned cold and bitter and friends found new friends to call best ever judging my every move calling me delusional when I finally stepped outside my head and wrecked chaos I swore I would one day
But I became too big even for myself who could love monster who wants entire world to herself?
His smile is still mine
Future undecided
Isn't all future hanging on a line until you decide to finally show your heart?
Praying doesn't help
No words can change course we are to take when universe makes up its sinister mind
Fake friends who smirked when we collided
You still have to see them but they don't get invited to parties
You have new coat
And I have no gloves
Hans still smokes, did you know?
Coach will have his ass if he finds out
But it's not them we are talking about anymore
3:49
Saw me in town
She is asking you if it's over
Went home wrote me a song
Now I know what I forgot
How could anything ever be enough, you say
Saved you from fire
Set alight another in your heart
Nights spent on high pedestals of minds that believed in every lie
I just wanted someone else to be my god
Got sick of same face same words same doomed negotiations that leave bitter taste of lust behind every I love you
We sat in bathtub coming down
Thought you were lying when you painted me your god
Everything was funny
Guess I took too much
Because you were the one carrying me home
Already knowing I am yours
And now your words feel like waves on night shore
Soft and gentle push
Toward truth
Are you my moon?
You weren't joking
All the smiles and flirting attempts
All Viennas and secret kisses and hallway ten questions masquerade balls pretending we aren't memorising moments before they are gone
Even your friends rolling their eyes
And people making scales how pathetic would one need to be to fall for someone like me
All the alcohol all the coke
All the poems All the rhymes
All the tears All the bloody knuckles
You weren't messing around
They all laughed
But your eyes still seeked mine
You stayed true to your heart
You weren't messing with my mind to get a laugh when you said you were in love
Incredulous you wonder why would I even go running down that path when it's all gravel and brambles
He said same thing
Adding a laugh
Got too confident
Then spent whole day wondering if I handled exchange any different if i hadn't pushed it would he leave me nevertheless
My mind is confused
It can't be explained and labeled and score set in conversation
He didn't know what to do with me
With my kindness
With my camouflaged love
And I didn't know how to let go of what we could become
So I stayed
In the dark
Knowing I am only for midnights
Stubborn prats
Both of us
Keeping each other in drawers in messy bedrooms of messy lives
Polite not to bother the other
Wasting time we could be spending getting to know each other
Breaking prejudices boundaries barbed wires
Taught politeness stabs where knives and bullets could never
It's unkind
It's violence
Neither is innocent
That's why we both hide
In nights when even shadows stay quiet
We are the criminals on the run
If they find us
We won't be filling covers
Yours will gather around you and swear it was all my sick little bewitching ploy
Saw weak enough bones to latch onto to trick them to fall for my twisted schemes
Is that all I am, dear?
Modern witch?
Back to sunlight,
That had nothing on blue winter glamorous crystal
I was the one bewitched
We promise each other diamonds in alliance
Hans figured it out before we said it outloud
'So how is blondie?' He asked once over bathroom sink dusted with escape we shared and I didn't know how to tell him we are all creatures imagined by my madness.
