The mystery of Red - A Clace Cinderella Story

Chapter 8

Clary's PoV

Simon helps me dry my hair with the hairdryer as i continue to silently stare down my lap. He said it would help me, feel refreshed and all of that... 

I don't know how showering would help me not feel hollow and miserable but at least my hair isn't a mess anymore i guess. How am i supposed to move forward from this? Jace is everywhere in our school. Everyone knows him so naturally they are going to be on his side, laughing with him in my despair. The only hope i have is that when Jace goes off to college soon, he will take his followers and friends loyal to him, with him so that i won't have to be faced with my joke of a life mistake everyday for the rest of my high school days. Oh god i just want it to be over. 

"so, how about some cozy fuzzy pjs and a good ol' movie night hm? i can order us pizza?" Simon says kindly while putting down the brush for my hair. I just nod with minimal movement and walk towards my closet to pull out my comfort sweat pants and a ratty old t-shirt that i love to sleep in. Simon checks that i am okay and comfy rolled up in my bed, before calling our favorite pizza place to order. 

Whilst nibbling on the last slice of my pizza and watching but not really looking at the movie, do I hear Simon's phone buzz next to us. He pulls out of our cuddle position to look who texted him. 

"oh damn" I hear him quietly mutter before looking at me with something close to glee shining in his eyes. I make a questionable noice to ask him what is up and he just smiles at me. I am too tired and emotionally and physically exhausted to really ask why he is smiling at me like that so i just lay back on my pillow nest and try to close my eyes. 

Suddenly there is a knock on the front door downstairs... I sigh and try to get up but Simon shushes me and tells me that he is  going to look who it is. I don't have to willpower to argue so i just let him leave the bed and walk outside. I look back to the open laptop on my bed but honestly i have no idea what is going on so i just lay back and continue staring at nothing. How miserable and pathetic can one be? I just want this whole thing to be over or a damn hole would swallow be up, for the world to be forgotten... so stupid and pathetic. 

Just as i hear the door to my room open, i quietly say without looking up: "hey, who was at the door?" When Simon doesn't answer me, do i decide to look at his direction. I jump up into a standing position, my back rigid and my eyes showing a mix of panic and fear. 

What the hell is Jace doing here? Is he here to laugh some more in my face? To rub my own stupidity into my face? I know how pitiful i am and can paint a picture on how he must see myself in his mind, but to be confronted by it again so soon? thats just cruel and too much. I quickly look down and try not to show my coming tears. 

I hear his feet shuffle and take a step towards my direction, quickly do i take a step back. What is he here for? 

"Clary" he quietly breaks the silence. I heave a sigh and decide to look at him. Maybe i do have some self destructive paths inside me. I know it is going to further hurt me, looking at him. But what else did i deserve? Did i say i am pathetic? 

I can't fully tell what Jace is trying to portray on his face. He looks sad and almost guilty? why would he feel like that... where is the laughter and disgust? 

"I would understand if you don't want to be with me after hurting you so much. But i just need you to know that you got it all wrong Red" he said almost softly. I flinch at the nickname. I give no reply but i do feel some confusion mirror on my face. what is he talking about? 

"I won't act as if i know how you feel right now and how awful it must have been going to school with that stupid nickname following you around...i can't change the past and i am so sorry for not being there for you but i can try to change the present and hopefully the future on how you are feeling right now." He looked directly into my eyes before continuing, knowing he got my attention. 

"I never laughed at you Clary truly with seriousness. Not once, ever. I was a stupid teenager who was afraid of being mocked by his friends so i never did anything to stop them and i am ashamed to admit it joined them in making fun of you but i never meant it. But still it is no excuse. When i found out you were my Cinderella, i was over the moon. I had a crush on you for years and then i meet this great beautiful mysterious girl at the dance and i just keep wishing and hoping that they are the same girl. How lucky can i get right? I was and still am over the moon that you are my Red. I came up to you in school to simply show you my excitement and happiness. I would never truly laugh at you. You are such a great person clary. So talented and beautiful. So smart and great. I just..." He cuts off with a breathless laugh while looking at me. I can't believe it. Is this really true? 

Is Jace really saying the truth? He likes both Red and me? He has a crush on ME? Before knowing that i was the girl in green? How is that possible? I continue to stare at him with out saying anything. I can't say anything. I'm afraid if i do, words are not going to come out, just weird noises. 

He takes a hesitant step towards me and when seeing that i wasn't retreating like before, did he take a seat on the bed, patting on the stop next to him signaling for me to sit. I sat down with shaking hands, not knowing what to say or do. Jace just quietly let me process what i just heard and patiently waited until i was ready. 

"d-do you really like me? n-not only because i was the girl in green?" i quietly stuttered while shyly looking at him through my lashes that were still a bit wet. 

He gave me a smile and nodded. "yes Clary. I know i hid it pretty well but you have been on my mind for years. I am so sorry that i have never done anything to stop those calling you by that nickname. You don't deserve that. Ever. " he said, looking down at his lap, showing me how guilty he felt. 

It is true that he never out load called his friends and other kids out for calling me the Art freak or other names. But he also never encouraged them. He did join them... do i believe that he really never meant it? That it was just group pressure? 

"i have also been crushing on you Jace" i quietly admitted with a blush on my face. "I guess i just wanted to feel like a different person for one night and it worked. It worked on you i guess... I am glad to hear that you also like me Jace, really but i am also a bit hurt that you never did anything to stop those guys, your friends, even joined them sometimes... But like you said High school puts pressure on you, especially with friends and i guess popularity. I can't fault you for not standing up for me, nobody did. Up until a couple of days ago, i didn't even knew that you noticed me. So i cannot put the fault on you" 

I shyly looked at him and gave him a slight smile that gave him the encouragement to pull me into a hug. I know there is a lot of problems and issues to work through for myself and us together but i know we will make it someway, somehow. 

"i will make up for all of those years where i wasn't there for you, even if you didn't know that noticed you, i knew. I need to make up for it because i could have been braver and stand up for you, but i didn't. I want and need to prove to you than i am better now, that I earn a possible spot next to you. That hopefully someday i will be good enough to deserve you." he said after separating from the hug. He lifted his hands to cup both of my cheeks and proclaimed: "I promise to you Clary Fray, my Cinderella" He brushed off a single tear that rolled down my check and gave me a little smile.