Understanding Pairing: Mac x Reader Warning: fluff, angst Summary: Mac understood how everything in the world worked but he never really gave you the benefit of the doubt when you developed carpal tunnel. He knew the effects he just didn't see them because you had gotten so used to living with them. It isn't until he gets back from his most recent mission where his hands are compromised that he truly realizes the struggle you have every day. Spoilers from 5x13
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You could tell how he sounded on the phone on his flight back from the mission. You tried to distract yourself working with Bozer but you knew when Mac came back it was gonna be a small fight. You had been holding back your annoyance towards him ever since you were diagnosed. He didn't see the work that went into stretching your hands each morning, or getting up at night to shake the feeling back into them, he didn't feel the nerves that felt like fire in your wrists. But now in his own way he understood.
"Y/N hun, can I talk to you?" his sweet voice filled the room and for a moment you forgot about the conversation that was to come. You just wanted to hug him because he was back home safe.
"Of course baby" you walked over and he smiled and leaned down to give you a welcoming kiss but his hands didn't reach up to grab your face. You noticed he couldn't even close them which was something you woke up with every morning.
"I wanted to apologize" he said once you two were away in a private room. You reached for his hand and you could tell how much it bothered him. Despite your issues Mac saved the world with his hands. Not being able to use them must feel like losing the one thing that makes you special.
"Mac you need to understand-" Mac sighed because he realized how horrible he had made you feel.
"I do now, I can't believe you do this everyday. You fight this every day, to drop things, have no strength, the numbness. I couldn't even do it for a day and you've been doing it for four years" Mac wanted to grab you and he couldn't which frustrated him even more. It may not be carpal tunnel but the symptoms were the same.
"I manage Mac, it's tough but that's why I sleep with hand braces each night, I take medicine, and am constantly rubbing icy hot on so my next day will be easier then the last. You always acted like I was faking it or something" Mac felt terrible that he made you feel like that and he tried to reach for you which you noticed.
"I'm so sorry Y/N. I never meant it intentionally. It's just you seemed so strong and you could manage things. The only time I really noticed is when you couldn't open jars or you stopped using your gun in the field. I'm more amazed and in love with you now knowing that this is how you feel every day and you still manage to take care of yourself" smiling you grabbed his limp hands and pulled them up to your face. Mac let out a content sigh as you helped him hold you like he would if he could.
"You need to relax, keep your hands low so you get blood flow. Don't over do it when you regain feeling. Try gripping your toothbrush tonight which will help stretch your hand but it might go numb and tingle" you turned to kiss the palm of his hand and the tips of his fingers before letting his hands down so they'd feel much better.
"Does that happen to you?" he asked, he had always wondered why you'd drop your hands when brushing your teeth.
"Every time, when I shave, brush my hair, wash my hair, hold the top of my steering wheel, grip my gun for too long, hold a pencil, sleep with my hands above my head, almost everything that involves my hands" Mac felt stomach sick that every time he had been around for those things he never knew that it caused you pain and discomfort. He just never understood.
"Now I know why you drive holding the bottom of the steering wheel" you chuckled lightly and leaned forward to kiss his lips.
"I manage but I'm glad you understand now. It's hard to be uncomfortable and not tell or ask my favorite person for help" you told him and he smiled and kissed you again.
"Maybe if Bozer fixes my hands I'll brush your teeth for you tonight or brush your hair, I'm sorry I couldn't start doing those things four years ago" you smiled at Mac absolutely head over heels for the man in front of you. Working hands or not he was the most important person in the world. Mac would always be the guy for you no matter what.
"If that doesn't go well I'll do the same for you" you told him and that's when a dark look ran across his face for a second.
"You promise if I still can't use my hands and save people that you'll love me?" he asked and you gave him a confused look.
"Where is this coming from?" you asked and he sighed.
"So many people have died to save my life including my family. Using my hands is the one thing I can do to try and save everyone else. If I can't do that then what am I worth?" you sighed, you couldn't believe he felt this way after knowing you for so long.
"Mac, hands or no hands you're still you. The same nerdy and hilarious guy I fell in love with. And if your hands don't work I'll do it for you, carpal tunnel or not" Mac smiled and pressed a kiss to the top of your head.
"Or we could both be handless together" he grinned at you which made you laugh.
"Yeah but that wouldn't include the stuff I want to do tonight" Mac raised his eyebrows at you as you grinned at him.
"Sounds like I better go see Bozer sooner than later" you giggle at him before grabbing him and walking him back to the lab. Both of you more in love with each other than before.
A/N: hey guys I never make authors notes anymore but I wanted to talk about this imagine. I myself suffer from carpal tunnel and to watch episode 5x13 and see a favorite character of mine struggle with the same stuff I do every day was amazing. Carpal tunnel is not fun but it is something you can live with. Writing this story right now it makes my hands hurt. anyways I just wanted to let you all know this imagine means a lot to me and I hope you enjoy it.
