Electric / Steve Rogers x OC x Bucky Barnes ✓

Chapter 74: Apologies

BUCKY 

As soon as Maddie tells me she loves me it's like I lose the ability to think. 

She keeps talking, and I'm trying to listen to what she's saying because I know it's important, but I just can't focus. 

She just told me she loves me. She loves me. 

"You love me?" I ask her. I need confirmation. 

"Yes-" she says and then she keeps talking again but the only thing I can hear is my heart pounding in my chest. 

"But you love me?" I ask her again. I can't stop hearing it. 

"I already answered that-" and as she continues speaking I just stand there, watching her. 

Watching her blue eyes as they sparkle in the dark, her plump lips as they move while she speaks. Her red hair and fair skin that makes her glow. The freckles delicately placed on her nose and cheeks. 

I can't keep away from her anymore. 

In a swift movement I pull her to me and plant my lips on hers. 

My entire body is on fire. I've missed her so much, missed being able to touch and kiss her. 

I've watched her almost every night since she left. Watched her drink, dance, party. Watched her talking to boys. And then I would watch her as she walked home, a sullen look on her face. 

But none of that matters now because she's here, in my arms. I'm finally kissing her again. And she's kissing me back. 

I pull away quickly as I look her over again. My heart is still pounding, I can practically feel it in my throat. 

"I love you too." I say. And then I pull her back in. 

The kiss is quick and heated, teeth and tongue and lips. I bite her lower lip gently and she whimpers in my mouth. God, how I've missed that sound. 

As I'm about to lose complete control, she pulls away from me. 

"Buck," she says panting, "I've been thinking about doing that a lot and clearly you have too, but we still need to talk about things."

I nod quickly, "Yes, yes, we'll talk, please just... Kiss me again." And then I grab her by the waist and put her lips back on mine. 

... 

Once we've both calmed down a little I move her to sit on my bed. I take her hand and lace her fingers with mine. 

"I'm sorry I lied to you." I say as I watch her flushed cheeks. 

"I'm sorry I left." 

I smile softly at her, "At least you came back." 

"Yeah," she chuckles, "Although it took some persuasion.." 

My metal hand goes to her cheek and I caress it with my thumb, "I know. But you're here now, that's all that matters. I've missed you so much, it's been almost unbearable. You have no idea how hard it's been." 

"I'm sorry for putting you through that.. I've missed you too." 

"I watched you almost every night,"I confess as I meet her deep blue eyes and hold her gaze. 

"Apparently, that seems to be a trend around here," she chuckles and I laugh a little. 

"Yeah.. Needed to make sure you were safe. Once Steve told me you went out partying a lot.. I don't know, I needed to protect you. In any way I could. At a distance seemed to be the best option." 

She smiles and then removes my hand from her cheek, kissing my palm. It sends spurs of calming electricity through me. "I didn't want to worry you. I just needed to forget everything. That was the best way for me to do it." 

"I understand" I reply, remembering how it used to feel when I could go out and get drunk and forget about life for a while. Part of me really misses being able to do that. 

"So.." she says, hesitating, "I have some questions." 

I nod at her. "Ask whatever you want." 

"Why don't I remember that thing?" 

I tense a bit at her question. 

"They tried a lot of different stuff on you. Also during times I wasn't there. But that glowing thing.. That worked. And so, they wiped your memory of it. They wanted to ensure you didn't remember that part. That way, in case you ever got away, you couldn't find out how to manipulate it properly. And in case you became a liability, it would be easier for them to get rid of you.." 

I swallow thickly as I finish my sentence. The thought of them killing her, and me having to be forced to watch, still gives me nightmares. 

She sighs, "That actually makes sense.. Okay.. And why do you remember everything? Didn't they wipe you too?"

"Yes, but I spent a lot longer being under and was sent to Wakanda. Shuri spent a long time on my brain, getting my memory back. And besides, they didn't wipe me every time. They wanted me to remember. And once they realized we were forming a sort-of bond, back when we first started talking to each other at night, they would force me to watch as they tortured you and then deliberately keep that memory in my mind." 

Her lips quivers as she looks at me, "They forced you to watch, knowing you would remember it all?" 

I nod silently. 

"Buck, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for getting so angry with you. I'm such an asshole.." 

"No, you're not. You just.. you got some information you couldn't handle.. Happens to everyone." I squeeze her hand lightly. 

"Yeah, but even then, I'm normally stronger than that. I didn't realize why it affected me so much until the next morning." 

"When you left?" 

"Yes," she sighs. 

"Why was it then?" 

"Because I love you. I was in love with you back then and I had been telling myself I wasn't, trying to hold myself back. But that morning I realized I loved you. And then it all kind of came crashing down on me at once."

I brush a strand of hair behind her ear, "It doesn't matter now. Now it just matters where we go from here. And I love you too. I've loved you for years." 

She inhales sharply, "You have?" 

"Yes," I reply, "I fell in love with you back in Bucharest but my mind was still so scattered, I didn't realize. I realized in Wakanda. It was actually Shuri who made me see it. And then I came back as soon as I could but.." 

"I was with Steve.." She looks down at our joined hands. "I'm sorry Buck." 

"It was hard to see you with him in the beginning. So when I finally got a chance to be with you, I took it, selfishly. Not realizing how I might hurt you in the future because of the secrets I'd been keeping." 

She moves closer to me and curls her hand in my t-shirt. 

"I forgive you. And I love you. Please just kiss me again," and then she pulls me to her until our lips are joined once again.