Electric / Steve Rogers x OC x Bucky Barnes ✓

Chapter 174: It's Yours

MADELINE

I take a shaky breath, "Because it's not mine, Buck." 

"It is yours," Steve says as he looks at me with furrowed brows, "Obviously, it's yours." 

I look at him with pleading eyes, "No, Steve. It was intended for me but it was never actually given to me. And the promises that would have come with it.." I sigh as I look down at my stuff, neatly packed in the bag, once again, "They were never actually made." 

"So... What? You just left it in the box?" Bucky asks.

I look up at him quickly, "No, of course not. I found it and cried my eyes out. Then I wore it for months, but every time I looked down at it, I would cry again. And eventually, I took it off.. I stopped wearing it, because I figured I should move on. I was told to move on.. I didn't think either of you were ever coming back." 

I take a deep breath as I try to calm my emotions, "You were both gone.. Don't you get that? You were gone. Gone! And I.. " I sigh as I look at them. 

"I was here. I spent every single night in here, without you. Like this!" I point to my bed, showing two pillows next to my own, "I spent every single night, alone, wearing your clothes and clutching your belongings to my chest so tightly.. Not wanting to ever wake up because at least when I was asleep, you were here... But you weren't ever really here. Every single day I would wake up without you. It was like waking up from my actual life, a reality I wanted so badly to be true, only to be hurled back into my biggest nightmare.. And I didn't think you would ever come back.. So yes, I put that ring back where it belonged. Because it's not mine, it never has been. It still isn't. I had enough things around me to remind me of my heart being broken.. I just.. I didn't need another one.." 

The tears start gathering in my eyes as I turn around, unable to face them any longer. 

I turn my back to them and cover my face with my hands as I feel the tears spilling down my cheeks. 

I love both of them so much, but they were gone. 

They were gone. 

For five years. 

And I didn't honestly think they would ever come back. Even when we went back in time, even when Bruce snapped his fingers.. I never dared myself to truly hope. 

And I have no idea where I stand, now. They remember me as a girl who was barely 22, and here I stand before them, 27 years old and so different. 

So agonizingly different. 

I have no idea if they are able to love this version of me. 

"Maddie," Steve says softly, "We understand. We get it. Better than anyone, you must know that."

I furrow my brows a little before I feel realization wash over me. 

I don't know how the thought never struck me, because it's obvious. Obviously they understand. They both went through the exact same thing. 

I wrap my arms around myself tightly, my back still turned to them as I sniffle and whisper, "How do I know if you'll be able to love this new version of me?" 

"Oh, baby," Steve says, and I barely hear him taking a step before his arms are wrapped around me as he stands behind me. He leans down to whisper in my ear, "Of course we will. We love you. We loved you then, and we love you now. Nothing has changed." 

"I have," I say quietly as I try to hold my sobs back. 

"Yes," he says with a soft chuckle, "You have. But why does that have to be a bad thing? The woman standing before me is beautiful, and strong, and mature. She is powerful, smart, funny and wise. Just like she was the last time we saw her. Why would you ever think we wouldn't like you now?" 

I chuckle between my sobs at his words, "You said I looked older." 

I hear his warm smile as he whispers, "You do look older. But we're both one hundred years old, so I don't understand how you being five years older could ever be a bad thing." 

"You really mean that?" I whisper. 

"Yes." Bucky says as he moves towards me, "We mean it. We both know that it's been five years, although we don't fully understand everything that happened, yet. We know you've grown in the time without us. But nothing has changed for us, nothing at all. We still love you... But.. Do you still love us?"

"Of course!" I say as I turn a little towards Bucky, Steve's arms still wrapped tightly around me as I look between the both of them, "Of course I do. I spent these five years missing you, thinking about you every day." 

"Okay," Bucky says with a big smile, "Then what's the problem?" 

I sigh, "I don't know, Buck. I'm just.. Worried.. Worried that you won't like the life I've now created for myself, the choices I've made.. I live in New Orleans now, I work at a bar. I hadn't even seen Tony or Nat for a year before they came to get me to help with bringing all of you back." 

"Why hadn't you seen them?" Steve asks and I finally turn around in his arms to face him.

I look up at him, "I.. I don't know, exactly. I just knew the compound was not the best place for me to be in, anymore." 

Steve nods, "I understand. It brought you back to the past, it brought back painful memories." 

I nod silently and Bucky smiles, "I understand that feeling." 

I smile softly before saying, "But still, I.. I lost hope. I had no idea this would ever be possible. I need.. time. I need to.. Adjust to this.. I didn't think I would ever have you back." 

"We'll give you all the time you need, sweetheart," Steve says as he kisses my temple, "There's no rush." 

"No," Bucky says as he steps closer and takes my hand in his, "No rush at all. We'll take it slow."