The War God's Woman

51. Chaotic Thoughts

Zahira woke up and stretched her legs, snuggling deeper into the soft bedding. She felt incredibly cosy just then. The mattress beneath her was much better than her one at home and she rolled over onto her back, sighing contentedly.

"Morning." Greeted a male voice. Zahira rubbed her tired eyes and finally opened them to look at Orion.

"Hmmm..." She managed in reply, still half-asleep. Orion got up from the bed and Zahira realised that he was wearing a towel around his waist and that his hair was wet. He must have already been up and had a shower. She watched him slyly, as he padded about the room in search of his clothes. She hadn't been able to check him out much the night before. So, she soaked in the sight of him now.

Orion's body was fine! Her gaze lingered on his powerful-looking arms and she unconsciously bit her lip. He had the build of a fighter or rugged protector. Fantasies were playing in her head but suddenly Zahira frowned and sat up. Orion's torso was covered in scars. She'd been so distracted by the allure of his build that she hadn't immediately noticed. She stared at the scars, wondering what had made them.

Orion turned and caught her staring.

"Are you going to ask me about them?" His tone was flat. Zahira quickly looked away. She guessed that all the women he slept with asked about his scars. That thought wasn't very pleasant. She shook her head.

"It's not my business."

               Zahira took a long-time showering. Now she was awake, her brain was a chaotic place. Last night had been her first time. She felt a little embarrassed about that. She probably should have warned Orion, but she'd been too awkward. He must have realised though. She wondered what he thought about that, and why he hadn't mentioned it...

The hot water cascaded down her, easing the tension in her shoulders. What would happen now? Were they dating? Was last night enough for Orion and they'd never see one another again? She hung her head dispiritedly. She should probably prepare herself for his rejection. As long as she was prepared, she could survive it.

Zahira got dressed in the bathroom. The hair dryer was feeble, so once she was dressed, she resorted to tying her hair all up in a bun to get it out of the way. She'd fix it when she got home. She checked herself in the mirror, it felt weird to be wearing yesterday's clothes, and she ran her tongue over her teeth and wished that she had access to toothpaste. She had to settle instead for a couple of mints. A final glance in the mirror alerted her to the presence of fresh acne on her jaw. She grimaced and stopped looking at her reflection. It was doing nothing to help with her confidence.

When Zahira finally emerged from the bathroom, Orion seemed impatient for them to leave the hotel room.

"You were ages." He chided.

"Sorry." Zahira hung her head. She knew she'd been ages; she'd been thinking a lot. But she felt bad now because she hadn't meant to be rude and keep him waiting.

They checked out of the room and Zahira stood awkwardly and silent in the foyer. She didn't know the social etiquette for this situation. Orion led the way out of the hotel and onto the street. It was a grey, cloudy day and looked likely to rain soon.

"Do you want to go somewhere for breakfast?" Orion asked. Zahira shook her head.

"No thank you." She wanted to get home and change her clothes.

Orion sighed.

"I'll take you home."

"No, thank you." She answered fast this time, with more firmness. She was determined not to let Orion into her apartment, not when she was keeping goods for the gang. 

Orion's jaw flexed and he looked irritated.

"Can I walk you to the bus stop, at least?"

"You don't have to." She mumbled.

"Fine." Orion's mood seemed sour and Zahira wanted nothing more than to escape.

"I should go." She murmured shyly. 

Zahira didn't know how to politely say goodbye. She wanted him to know that she didn't expect anything from him. She knew that she wasn't girlfriend material and she was trying to be mature by not being clingy. She lifted her head, act like an adult – not a kid, she told herself firmly.

"I had a good time, last night." She told him, blushing slightly. Orion still looked stern.

"Me too."

Zahira waited for him to say or do something. He didn't, he just continued to stare unhappily at her. Zahira clasped tightly to the strap of her handbag.

"Goodbye, then." She murmured, turning to leave.

She felt slightly lost as she walked briskly down the pavement. Orion hadn't said anything back. Was this really how it ended between them? Would they just never mention what had happened ever again? She imagined what it would be like, next time he came to the café. He'd order a coffee cake slice, maybe they'd exchange a look or he'd smile. Perhaps he'd ignore her. It would be like it never happened.

Swallowing nervously, she glanced behind her to see if Orion was still there. He was. He was standing in the spot she'd left him with his gaze fixed on her.

Zahira's heart skipped a beat.