As Happy As I've Never Been...

~Chapter Eighteen~

I push back only to see a furry of red hair. God damn it.

“Ed Sheeran, what the actual fuck was that?!” I say, getting pissed off.

“I missed you.” He says with a smile.

                “Missing does not equal to kissing Captain, ‘I-Love-You-Now-I-Don’t.’” I say, throwing my hands up in air. He sighs and leans against the door way.

                “Rachel, I-“ He starts but I cut him off.

                “No. Just stop.” I say, putting my hand up in a stopping motion. I as I look at him a song pops into my head, and God damn it, my music describes my life better than I ever could.

                “Just listen to m-“

                “There’s a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend. And there’s a fine, fine line between reality and pretend.” I sing at him.

                “Are you really going to sing at me?” He asks, suddenly amused. I nod and continue.

                “And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb. There's a fine, fine line between love, and a waste of time.” I say, making hand gestures. “There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie. And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye." I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime, but there's a fine, fine line between love, and a waste of your time…” I say, preparing for the painful next line.

“And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.  I don't think that you even know what you're looking for. For my own sanity, I've got to close the door and walk away... Oh...”  I say and get a little quieter for the next line, because now that I'm actually singing it, I'm thinking about the words and how fully they relate to my life.

“There's a fine, fine line between together and not. And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got. You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime... There's a fine, fine line between love… And a waste of time…” I say, ending my song while looking at him.

“Luv, that was a beautiful song, but it doesn’t relate to our situation.” He says, coming into my room and getting closer to me.

“Really? Because I think it does! You like me, you don’t, you LOVE me, and then you don’t. Make up your mind! I don’t think you know what you want.”  I say, not moving because I don’t want to get any closer to him. I don’t want to see him, I don’t want to talk to him, I don’t want to be near him! I just want him to go away.

“I know what I want.” He says, walking up to me and putting his hands on both of my arms. “I want you, Rachel.” He says, looking down at me and crashing his lips down to mine. I don’t react, I just stand there, eyes open, not allowing him to wiggle his way into my heart again. Finally, he pulls back and just looks at me.

“Rachel, I love you.” He says, looking at me, and I freeze. I am not going through this again.

“Oh really? And in how many hours are you going to tell me to forget it?” I ask, allowing my voice to take a harsh tone and crossing my arms over my chest.

“Please, I didn’t want to do that.” He said, a sadness coming into his eyes.

“Then why did you do it?!” I ask, getting more frustrated by everything he’s saying.

“Management.” He says, guiltily.

“You don’t have to do everything Management tells you, you know.” I say, exasperatedly, and sitting down on my bed, he comes over and sits down next to me.