As Happy As I've Never Been...

~Chapter Thirteen~

                “If I lay here, if I just lay here… Would you lie with me and just forget the world?”  I lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling as the song plays. I already decided to skip my four classes today, I made a huge mistake last night. When I cry, my nose stuffs up which means I have to sleep with my mouth open, which then dries out my throat, so I feel like death. My IPod has been on the fritz lately because of the rain, but it starts to play Give Me Love when Chasing Cars Ends, but it’s really low. I look at it, but the screens black, no way to tell what volume it’s at. I reach over and hit my IPod out of its home, which usually pauses it. I can’t listen to Ed right now, it still hurts. I lay back down on top of the covers until I realize it didn’t pause. I sit up again and look at my IPod, the screen now aglow from when I knocked it out, and nothing is playing. What the hell? Is this someone’s idea of a sick joke? I don’t like this. I get up and wrap the comforter around me and walk out of my room, I notice the sound isn’t like the recording. It’s not coming from the living room, kitchen or bathroom. Bella and Jared already headed out to their classes, and I’ve listened in to their rooms and it’s not coming from there either. There’s only one more place it could be coming from, outside my door. I walk over and reluctantly open the door and Ed is standing there, with his guitar in hand, and he’s singing the chorus of Give Me Love.

                “Rachel.” He says, his eyes lighting up as he smiles at me. I sigh and go to close the door when he puts his hand on it, stopping me. “Hear me out, please.” I look at him, his expression turning to one of desperation. I open the door more slightly, and lean against it, willing to hear him out.

                “Thank you.” He says, removing his hand from the door and moving them back to the guitar. “Ok, so I just got really jealous when I saw you with Niall and I passed a bar on the way to the hotel and I thought maybe a drink would clear my head, but it didn’t. So I tried a couple more, eventually, I thought I had to leave.  So I left and continued my way back to the hotel, and I saw a liquor shop and I went in a bought a bottle. I mean, it was harmless. I was going to take it back to the apartment and look at it. I swear, that’s all, but then I pas the girls, and they recognized me and I remember you and Niall and the way you looked at him and I just let myself go. Is that so bad?” He looks at me with pleading eyes, and my heart oozes a little bit. It doesn’t exactly melt, but I can’t help but feel something.

“Do you forgive me?” He asks, eyes pleading and wearing into me.

“Yes.” I manage, my throat screaming in protest.  A huge smile rips out over his face.

“Thank you Rachel!!” He says and goes in to kiss me. I put my hand to his chest and push him back. “What?” He asks, confused.

“I said I forgive you, not that I take you back.” I say, weakly, barely believing my own words.

“Are you serious, luv?” He asks, slightly hurt.

“Ed, I may not have learned much from my mother,” I said, my voice shaking, partially because my throat hurts, partially because I can’t believe I'm saying this,” but I did learn that nothing good comes when you go back. My mother only went back once, and you know what came from it? Me, my sister, a 13 year long marriage and a $15,000 divorce. I'm sorry.” I say and begin to shut the door. Again, he stops me, again, I let him. I lean against the door again, feeling weaker because I’ve been laying down and doing nothing.

“Rachel, I'm sorry. Please, I miss you, and I'm leaving tomorrow!” He says.

“So?!” I say, suddenly getting defensive. “You leaving tomorrow doesn’t give me any reasons to get back with you! Actually, it gives me fewer reasons to get with you. Ed, do you realize you were my first boyfriend?” I say, trying to dig this in, no matter how hard my throat hurts. A look slowly crawls over his face.