To Have & To Hold [All JunZhe Ships]

Suspicion (Part 2 of 2)

Zhou Zishu's condition had been deteriorating quickly; he couldn't even get up on his own anymore. It had been two days and one night and Wen Kexing was nowhere to be seen. Zhou Zishu had been counting the hours and the minutes; he felt betrayed and abandoned. He was now afraid that he might spend his last days without Wen Kexing by his side. He wasn't eating or sleeping well; his face got paler by the minute and he even lost some weight. He wasn't certain why his condition suddenly worsened; but it sure did have something to do with his psychological state.

"Shifu, please eat... You must gain some energy..." Chengling attempted to offer him food again for the twentieth time today.

"Any news from your Shishu?" Zhou Zishu's eyes were watery and it took everything in his strength not to break down in front of Chengling.

"No..." Chengling looked down apologetically, "I even went to town to ask about him in the afternoon, but nobody has any clue."

Zhou Zishu coughed blood and hurriedly folded the napkin, "Chengling," he struggled to lift his hand and placed it on Chengling's head, "I don't think I have much time left..."

"Shifu!" Chengling started crying, "please don't say that, Shishu will definitely come back home!"

"I think your Shishu already has someone else to go back home to." His voice was cracking with every word; his eyes couldn't contain the tears anymore and the droplets fell down onto the blanket.

"Don't say that! I'm sure he will come back!" Chengling was sobbing, "Please Shifu, just wait a bit longer!" He held his hand against his forehead.

"If he comes back..." Zhou Zishu swallowed his sadness, "You must go with him...because if I... When I die...I don't want you to be alone here."

"What do you mean? Shifu, are you going to kick him out?" Chengling's expression was a mixture of sadness and worry.

"I don't want him in my home anymore."

"But it might be a misunderstanding! Shifu, please don't act on impulse!"

"Stupid kid!" Zhou Zishu coughed again, "Who are you to tell me what to do?! I said you must go with him so you just go without complaining!"

"Shifu!" Chengling started crying again, "What did Shishu do that you hate him so much?!"

Zhou Zishu looked at him, the tears on his face still wet, "Hate him?" He didn't know whether to laugh or cry, "I can tolerate everything he does; even if he lies to me or hides things from me, I never push him to act against his will." Zhou Zishu huffed, "I always give him a chance to explain and redeem himself..."

"What did he do this time that is so unredeemable?"

"Chengling," Zhou Zishu smiled bitterly, "Go to your room, I want to be alone."

Chengling hesitated for a while but then he understood Zhou Zishu's wishes. He glanced back at him once more before he stepped out and closed the door.

Zhou Zishu slid the blanket off of him and steadied himself against the chair, the table, the armoire, until he reached the box that rested on the vanity at the other side of the room. He opened the box and took out the hair pin; he brushed his fingers over the pure jade and then he couldn't hold back the tears.

"Why do you have to disappear now...?" He cried, "I'm dying! Why do you have to disappear now..." He pushed the box off the vanity onto the floor, "where the hell are you?!" he wept as he sat back down on the chair, clutching his heart that now ached even more. He exhaled and looked at the mirror; he cringed at his current appearance; how weak and defenseless he looked; and that's what he hated the most.