To Have & To Hold [All JunZhe Ships]

Essence of Wounds (Part 2/2)

4. Cold Nights

He tried. Wen Kexing tried and failed to stay away from this stranger who didn't seem like a stranger at all. A-Xu had been harsh, cruel and hateful towards him every time he tried to approach him. He oozed of spite and genuine hatred whenever Wen Kexing came near him, and whenever he looked into his eyes, despite seeing the deeply engraved pain and visible darkness, they seemed to soft, familiar. And Wen Kexing didn't know why...

But what was hurting him the most, was that he didn't know why this person loathed him so much. A-Xu spoke to him like he knew him, like he knew exactly how to hurt him. He purposely uncovered his darkest secrets and deepest insecurities and used them against him. He told him to die, which he always despaired to do. He told him he was the reason for his parents' death, which he never forgave himself for. He broke the hairpin in the cruelest way and Wen Kexing's heart shattered along with it, but he didn't know why...

This person was not a stranger, A-Xu was not a stranger. But who is he?

Wen Kexing stood at A-Xu's doorstep, hesitant and nervous, slightly afraid. He lifted his hand to knock but then remembered A-Xu's hand on his throat, how hard yet soft and familiar it felt. The last time he came here, he had cried, knelt down and begged A-Xu for answers but the other gave him none. And despite A-Xu's sharp tongue and ruthless ways, Wen Kexing still thought that he didn't do enough, that he should've done better, and here he was again, knocking at A-Xu's door, with the bruises still fresh on his neck.

He knocked twice, his hands sweating as he held the gift he brought. He prepared the finest wine and the brightest grin, helplessly praying that this time A-Xu would show him some mercy and grant him a tender word.

He waited for a while, but no response came. He knocked another time and waited again, urging himself not to call A-Xu's name. He hates it. He thought. Maybe that's why he got angry last time...

The door flung open and A-Xu's hand was bleeding. Wen Kexing's eyes widened with worry and he subconsciously grabbed A-Xu's hand, inspecting it carefully. "What happened? Why are you bleeding? Who hurt you?!"

A-Xu yanked away his hand away and turned around, kicking the door with his foot.

"No, wait!" Wen Kexing stopped the door with his palm and stepped in without an invitation. "A-Xu." He called, "your hand... needs to be bandaged properly."

A-Xu glanced at him with hollow eyes, expression stone-hard and ice-cold. He looked thinner than the last time Wen Kexing saw him, dull and tired, like he hadn't eaten or slept in days. "Why are you here?" He whispered, voice rasp and broken.

Wen Kexing took a cautious step forward and held out the wine. "I brought you wine. I figured you like to drink." He sighed, "and I came to apologize. Last time... I was too abrupt and rude... You had the right to be mad at me." He came to apologize for a mistake he didn't know the nature of, he came to plead for forgiveness of a sin he didn't know he'd done.

A-Xu smiled bitterly, eyes unblinking. "It's too late for an apology, Wen Kexing." He shook his head, pressing a towel against his palm, "Leave."

"No!" Wen Kexing refused. "I will not leave before I get some answers." He placed the wine bottle down and approached, seating himself on the carpet by the couch, "who are you?"

"Nobody." A-Xu muttered. "A nobody."

"Why do I always feel like I know you? Have I lost some memories? Did we ever-"

"Wen Kexing." A-Xu looked down at him with dark eyes, pupils glimpsing at the fading bruises on his neck when he suddenly caught the sight of something... A necklace. A small jar necklace filled with shards of jade resting elegantly around Wen Kexing's neck. A-Xu's expression changed from cold to unreadable. "What's that?" He asked.