BLACK AND WHITE | BUCKY BARNES x OC

part sixteen

WARNING: 18+ MINORS DNI

Bucky POV

    I can't stop dreaming about my metal hand around her throat. That's all that's etched into my head every time I close my eyes. The nightmare never stops. And she's not here to wake me up from the horrid remembrance.

    It's been a week since I last saw Leila, so I've  been waking up in cold sweats every night clutching my blanket and wishing I were dead.

    Steve hasn't reached out to me for a few days due to going to work on a mission with Fury and Sam. It's been quiet here in New York. No Leila, no Steve, no Sam. Nat calls me everyday, but those conversations don't really go anywhere.

    I need to get out of this place. I get up from the floor in my living room and stretch my back, the sound of bones cracking and metal whirring fill the room.

I shake my head to wake myself up and drag my feet to the coffee machine. I start brewing a cup before I get ready for the day.

    A couple days ago, Sam reached out to me to discuss his work he was doing while he waited for further missions from Fury. I forgot he was working as a counselor at the VA's office building until he reminded me.

When we were on the phone I mentioned briefly how my sleeping hasn't improved even after telling Fury I needed space from doing missions. They still don't know that I did that to come home and be closer to Leila.

    Anyways, Sam said that this Friday he'd be busy in France with Steve but there was going to be a meeting with some old veterans who have been talking about the same shit I've been dealing with. I scoffed at him initially when he told me this, but then I thought about it.

    Today is Friday. I sigh as I finish getting ready in the bathroom and head to my small dresser and pull out a black shirt and black jeans. It's my usual attire that I am just too bothered to alter. I decide to add a leather belt for a nice touch.

    After I change and make sure my appearance doesn't look too tired, I pour myself a cup of coffee and check my phone. There aren't any texts from Sam asking if I'm going to the meeting.

There's one from Nat that I forgot to respond to last night. Leila is still quiet. Please call her.

    There's a reason I haven't responded yet, I don't know how to. Nat has been staying with Leila ever since Steve left for his mission to make sure she's not alone. Whenever Nat and I speak over the phone, Nat attempts to bring Leila over to talk to me but she refuses.

Everytime she refuses, I can feel a separation happen with our soul connection. I don't want it to happen, but I'm allowing Leila to have free reign over us. I don't want to hurt her again.

I slam my phone down on the kitchen counter and take a swig of the coffee. I pour the remainder down the drain and grab my black leather jacket and head out the door to the 10am meeting.

-

"All right, who's next?" A voice speaks up in the room. There's twelve of us sitting in a circle and the counselor is prying us for information.

I look around from my seat and register the people in my head once more. My assassin-level instincts always kick in whenever I'm out in public. I make sure to have a view of the exit and a steady calculation of how to hurt anyone in the room that may be a threat. It's like second nature thinking for me.

"James?" I perk my head up towards the counselor and give her a small scowl. She drops her smile that she was beaming a couple seconds ago and waves her hand towards me.