HEY BAES IM JUST GONNA SAY IM GONNA TAKE ANOTHER BREAK TO REVISE FOR MY EXAMS THAT START MONDAY, I WILL STILL BE WRITING I JUST WONT POST ANYTHING FOR A WHILE UNTIL I FINISH SCHOOL COS IM IN MY LAST YEAR AND ITS SO CLOSE NOW AHH I CANT WAIT
IT'LL ONLY BE FOR LIKE 3 WEEKS I THINK?? IM GONNA POST QUITE A BIT TN TO MAKE UP FOR IT BUT I'LL BE BACK IN NO TIME <3
anyway...
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it was raining and we were on the tour bus, on our way to the final show. my head was resting on the window and i was sat beside matt, he held my left hand, rubbing it with his thumb gently as he spoke to merlyn, before his attention turned back to me.
"who you texting?" he asked curiously, looking over as i quickly hid my phone from him "ev?" his mood completely switched
"its nothing, just a suprise... dont want me to ruin it, do you?" fuck now i need to suprise him
"awh, of course not baby" he smiled and kissed my cheek "i love you"
"i love you too"
i could see ciaran looking over at us as my head moved to matts shoulder
"after tour im thinking about going home for a bit. is that ok?"
"what?" he moved and faced me, he looked hurt "evanie thats in like.. 4 days-"
"i know but i miss home. ill come back soon though, i promise" he smiled
"it's ok babe"
we stopped off at the last hotel we had to stay at for the tour and jon called us together for a 'squad meeting'
"ok guys so im sorry but we have to share rooms. we were running out of money and this was the cheapest place there was and there weren't many rooms. im sorry" jon explained, his voice laced with panic "so i'll share with hk and ashlan, romils with kiko and bari, merlyn you're with kevin, rob, and ciaran sorry man you gotta share with evanie and matt. dom, joba and zuri found somewhere else to go so..."
what the fuck? why didn't matt find somewhere else for us
"no this is gonna be awesome! dont worry ci, we wont be fucking or anything. not tonight" matt laughed. he saw the uncertainty in my face as i looked at him "it'll be okay babe, dont worry" he whispered
i hadn't talked to ciaran since before the show a couple days ago. but we were alone together in the hotel room as matt left to buy some more cigarettes.
"so... does she make you happy?" i asked, causing him to look up from his phone
"huh?" was all i got from him
"claire. is this why you wanted to only be friends?"
"ev, you know thats not true. you're with matt. it felt wrong, us. we're not together or anything, i dont even like her to be honest ev, i just met up with her-"
"really? because i was told you two used to be together"
he took a deep breath, composing himself "yes, evanie, used to. that's in the past. just like how we should be, ok?" he spat
i sighed and looked away from him, trying my hardest not to break down infront of him. again.
"i'm going home this week"
"what?" he sat up, evidently suprised
"you heard me"
"yeah but i- i thought you were staying longer"
"no, i've fucked everything up here. if i go home theres nothing to worry about. matt won't find out about us fucking around behind his back and i wont ruin your career." my voice was shaky as the tears began falling. fuck
"you havent fucked everything up-"
"ciaran dont lie to me. everything is a mess right now and its all my fault. i'm going home, ok?"
he was silent for a moment before saying "i'll miss you. im sorry all this has happened, you didnt deserve this."
and this was all i needed to hear before i properly broke down.
"hey, no, come here" he held his arms open and i moved from my bed to his as i sat beside him, his arms wrapped around me and i was hit by that familiar smell, his scent. it was comforting to me now, a mix of tom ford and cigarettes.
"i can't do this anymore ci. y-you're all i want. it's killing me, not being with you- its so obvious! i love matt but when im with you i-"
"evanie" he said softly, causing me to lift my head from his shoulder to look at him. he tucked a peice of hair behind my ear and moved his hand so it cupped my face, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead and looking me in the eyes "listen, its ok, i swear you'll be fine"
a/n (again lmao)
this is probably the longest chapter ive written in a while baha almost 1k words whoop whoop
how r u all btw?? tysm for the support and comments and everything i luv u all <33
YOU ARE READING
evanie ~ ciarán mcdonald
Fanfiction"when your alone and his love is gone maybe you'll see that your company was the worst thing for him" ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* where a girl unexpectedly falls for her boyfriend's best friend <3
