I'll Be Here All Life | ✓ | ONC 2021

[Epilogue] Feeling My Cold, Undead Self

As I'm walking home from Starbucks, after meeting Kalki, with my hood up and sunglasses on, something strange happens. My body is heating up.

This isn't like in the coffee shop, when the sun hit my face. No, this is different: its warmth makes me want to sweat, but I can't. It almost makes me want to cry and rip my clothes off of me, but I can't move. I halt, in the middle of the sidewalk, with the weekend morning traffic rolling by me, and struggle to breathe.

It is only after a minute or two that I realize I don't have to breathe anymore. The necessity to breathe in the fresh morning air is nothing more than desire now. The heating is now replaced by a cooling, washing over my body like an ocean wave. My eyes vibrate, and when I blink the vibrations away, the world shifts itself, with colors more specific. Eventually, the cooling fades, and I am left still, stiller than I've ever stood.

I bring my hands up to my gaze. My hand looks gaunter, my unmoving veins blue and exposed against my white skin. I am closer to a bluer shade of white, than anything, paler than I've ever been in my life.

Swallowing, I bring a hand up to my chest. I know my heart has been slowing these past months, but for the first time, my chest is hollow and frozen.

"Oh my god," I murmur, searching in my pocket for my phone. I even feel like I'm standing taller. I find Abby's number and dial her up immediately.

She answers after a few rings. "Hello, sleeplesshead."

"Abby... I think I've fully turned."

She is silent on the other end but suddenly erupts into a scream. "VICK! Congratulations! You're no longer a fledgling!"

"But I'm not sure," I say, though I grin in spite of that, "I may be mistaken—"

"Don't gaslight yourself," she says. "When you know, you know."

I giggle. "Abby, the world feels so new..."

"It's intoxicating those first few moments, isn't it?" she says. She gives out a little shriek. "I can't believe this happens the day after a zombie mosh pit—"

I almost want to tell her what I think triggered it, but I also want to keep tasting Neil's blood to myself (though I'm sure she'll figure it out on her own eventually—Abby's a smart cookie). My eyes keep ticking from one detail to the other: the cracks in the sidewalk to the group of humans passing me by to a fairy whisking by my head. "It's...not that bad. This whole thing isn't that bad."

"That's what I've been trying to tell you from the beginning," she says, but I can tell she is smiling too. "Welcome to your new life, Vick."

***

A few weeks after fully turning, I decide to invite everyone I know—from my human life and from my new Underworlder one—to my show. I know I tried stand-up when I was a fledgling, but I have a better feeling about tonight.

The room is filled with people I actually know, not strangers like before. Kalki sits by Jill; the two only met recently, but they've hit it off and in their few meetings have often discussed the intersection of human and Underworlder politics and identities. I love listening to them and chiming in. Kalki looks more relaxed than they did while vampire hunting. Some of our other mutual human friends are also there. Some have their eyes darting nervously around, but others introduce themselves to creatures. One of my human friends is even chatting with Fred and Luis, who are now sort of together.

My parents sit at a table with Abby and Martha. They love both of them. My mom often seeks haircare advice from Martha. For Abby, she and my dad have grown close. She confided in me that he was the one who urged her to go find her still-living sister. The three of us discovered the nursing home Abby's sister was staying in across the country, so we all hopped on an airplane—Martha, my mom, my dad, Abby, and me. I will never forget the look on Abby's sister's face, how she quavered, "A-Abigail?" and how they wouldn't let go of one another for one single second, how her sister accepted Abby for who she was, vampire and all. She only complained that Abby was too cold. After that, they decided to move Abby's sister to a nursing home in our city, so the sisters can be closer together. "We have to make up for lost time," Abby had told me, "but that's okay. Thank you, Vick."

"For what?" I had said.

She hugged me. "For your bravery to reconcile with your own parents. It helped me find that courage too."

I am so happy that Abby is my closest Underworlder friend. I wouldn't change that for anything.

Neil sits at a table with some Underworlder friends of his own. His eyes find mine even in the crowd, and he nods at me, grinning. Getting to know Neil these past few weeks is not what I would have expected out of using LINGR, if I'm being honest.

None of this is: I thought my life was over, but maybe it's still only really beginning. Yeah, maybe I need to drink blood to survive, maybe the sun irritates my skin more than the average human or creature, and maybe there is a bunch of other things to get used to... but I'm okay. I'm not just surviving anymore: there is still room for me to learn and grow and thrive.

I tap on the microphone. Its chirps get everyone's attention. "Hello? Is this thing on?"

My mom squeals. "Go Vick!"

The room laughs, in good nature. I also chuckle. "Thanks, Mom. Thank you everyone for coming. I've gotta say: Stoker got being a vampire all wrong. For example..."

I perform my set. My body vibrates with the energy of the room and the glinting of the lights. When I'm finished, the room bursts into applause, whether because they liked the set or they liked me. I don't care either way. I just grin and bow. "Thank you, thank you—I'll be here all life!"