Please forgive me Merlin (Merthur boyxboy)

...Merlin?

Arthur's POV

This is extremely frustrating.

It's been weeks, and my anxiety for Merlin has risen beyond all comprehensible levels.

So has my anger with myself.

Whenever I see him, he seems to be getting thinner and thinner. He was always skinny, but now he's frail and he hasn't smiled in weeks.

And it's my fault.

Today is the day I find out what's wrong.

I'm walking along the corridors that Merlin usually uses, and eventually bump into him.

"Merlin."

"Y-yes, sire?" He stutters, averting his gaze.

"Please, what did I do to make you this way?"

He just shakes his head furiously, and sways on his feet for a bit.

He moves to run away, and I grab his shoulders instinctively.

He jerks back, wide-eyed with fear, and runs like his worst fear is chasing him.

Later that evening, I find a letter on my desk.

Dear sire,

As stubborn as you are, I doubt you'll leave me alone until you either remember or I tell you. So I'm telling you.
There's no easier way to say it.
You raped me sire. And I can barely bring myself to look in the mirror without seeing the bruises. I can't eat, I can't sleep and I can't trust anyone anymore, least of all you.
Are you happy now, your highness? Do you finally understand?
-Merlin

My vision tunnels and the world turns black.

I'm ripping Merlin's clothes off, and mine. I've given him bruises all over him. All I want is him. He's begging me to stop, but my brain won't register it. I rape him repeatedly, before clutching  him to my chest and falling asleep.

What. Have I. Done???

As understanding dawns on me, so does the crushing guilt. I feel sick to the heart, and sick way, way deep down inside.

I need to apologize. It's the least I could do.

I start tracking him down again.

5 apologization attempts later

I corner Merlin. I wonder if falling to my knees would help.

"Merlin, please-"

"Save it." He looks down on me with inhuman rage.

I do fall to my knees then.

"Please forgive me Merlin"

Merlin's POV

How dare he! How dare he come crawling back  with a face like a kicked puppy! He should live with his shame for all eternity!

"I will never and I mean never, forgive you sire. You made me like this, and I won't go back trying to please you, being your lowly manservant, or your secret lover.

You. Aren't. Worthy."

I finish my short outburst. Arthur's shaking, still on his knees.

Arthur's POV

I broke him.

I finally broke him. Smiling, joking, open-minded, caring Merlin is gone and I'm the one who did it.

I get up off my knees and stiffly walk back to my chambers, not even caring who sees my tears.

The next day, I go to see Gaius. He looks at me with open dislike.

"Gaius" I begin.

"Sire. I hope you've got a good reason to be here!" His voice raises with every word.

"You've ruined him! The boy will die because of you! He doesn't sleep, he doesn't eat at all, he cuts himself with a dagger and he won't let anyone near him!" The old man sighs then. "Not even me."

So that's it, then. No doubt about it. I've broken the one person who has stayed by my side.

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My bold isn't working now :(

Love,

Eliza