it all started with a cappuccino

this is how life is

JENNIE

SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA
6:20 PM

“why do people die?
why do they live and eventually leave?
why?”

—————

I was often the judgy type of person.

I could sit down for hours and watch someone in front of me literally just writing down something on his notebook, while thinking about his life from his birth up until the moment.

I was the person's way of writing, how his hands twitch — and it felt like I could make his biography. Though never accurate, just his biography on my point of view.

Working on a coffee shop eleven hours every day this entire time was really developing some sort of judgy persona within me, and boy I can't wait to just save a couple of thousands that could support me all throughout my dream law school.

It never was nice to think that I was 25 and should be years into law school now, but life had other plans and pushed me to set aside law school after I graduated college.

What can I say? My trustfund that my parents left me before they came crashing down a plane ride one time when I was 10 only lasted throughout college. My relatives was too much of a bitch to take me in (not that I would want to live under their care and let them look at me with pity all the time) or most of them was way back in New Zealand and had enough kids on their plate that they can't take me.

So voilà, I have been living on my own since 18, and moved out of the dorms into a loft that I can call my own after working from different shops and eventually landed on this café that had me stable.

I was earning just enough to feed me until me next payday, with a few hundreds I can set aside for law school which was due to be a dream come true in less than 5 months after I have surpassed my savings goal and was now earning extra to live me off. Besides law school would accept enrollment in five months, a few more thousands would do me fine.

"Kim, clean the tables up so we can close for the day," my co-worker Ryujin called behind me as she picked up the earnings on the cashier, and there I realized I dozed off in thinking for thirty minutes.

"You really have no respect for me huh, Shin?"

"You hate it when I call you unnie, so Kim should do. Rather than shouting Jennie every time."

I rolled my eyes and went to the back to pick up the cleaning supplies as I went around the tables and cleaned.

Ryujin applied in this café together with me 2 years ago. She was 5 years younger than me, and was in her college years. She was in here every weekends for eleven hour shifts, and would take the after school shift on weekdays. Her family was around, unlike mine, but it was also a hard dang life and she was forced to support herself after leaving her family in Jeju to pursue Seoul.

"Bye Jackson!" both Ryujin and I waved the owner goodbye. As we went to the bus stop,

Jackson was 2 years older than me and was a successful business man now with a lot of restos and cafés around the city including the one I worked on. He was a kind man and would sometimes add extra on my paycheck  and Ryujin's to help us save more, but he never likes it when we call him boss or anything — he preferred just Jackson.

"Are you up for a dinner with me?" Ryujin asked,

"Come on, I'm starving." I said and we walked to the open restos to eat dinner.

Ryujin was like a sister to me now, we also are roommates by the way, we have been living on the same loft for 2 years now after I agreed to let her stay with me so she can save more if we split the rent.

"How's college?"

"You act like you're my mom," she rolled her eyes and picked the meat on the grill.

"I'm your sister here. I should ask you everytime to make sure you're on the right track,"

"It's cool, Kim." she said.

"Take a rest every once in a while, ya know? You're working too much and studying too much. I hardly see your nightlight off at home,"

"Thanks,"

Dinner was done nearly nine. Ryujin and I was tired to death by that time, and good thing it was her day off Saturday tomorrow. It would hurt me to think she was going to work again by seven.

When we arrived at our loft she said goodnight and went to her bedroom which was just right across mine as the loft was just small. I knew she wasn't going to sleep, she would be studying all night until she pass out at four in the morning.

I went to my room and pulled the box where I was hiding my money from, I knew ATMs would be safer, but I had no time to get one open for myself — so I had to deal with a cardboard to safekeep almost 2 years of my savings.

When all was done I went to bed and pulled the sheets up my chin. I stared at the photo of a 9 year old me with my mother and father kissing my cheeks. It was taken when life was still good and we celebrated my 10th birthday in Hong kong Disneyland just because we spent my 8th at Lotte and Hong Kong would be nicer.

It was 2 months before they died.

My mother was pregnant with my supposed to be little sister that time, and in a snap — everything in my life was gone.

I don't know why, but it was one of those nights that I was dramatic and was missing my family the most. I could feel the tears now streaming down my cheeks as I tried so bad not to let it fall but failed.

I was muffling my cries and also failed when I heard the door of my room open and in went Ryujin to lay beside me and hug me,

"You'll be okay, unnie." she whispered, she was used to me being like this. She would often hug me everytime she heard me cry,

"I miss them," I cried more until I fell asleep with Ryujin cradling me like the little sister I never had.