it all started with a cappuccino

why do you like me?

JENNIE

SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA
9:20 PM

“how broken could I be for you?
how sad would it be for me to love you?”
—————

"I am not about to get drunk on a Sunday night, Lalisa!" I shouted while trying to get the taste of tequila off my taste buds, "I am suing you if I get kicked out!"

Lisa laughed her ass of while handing me another shot glass filled with tequila, "Oh come on! We don't celebrate things like this everyday!" she encouraged.

A whole five months of being friends with her, Jisoo, and Rosie made a huge turn on my life. I had more friends, and not just the ones back from the café. They were all the best, encouraging me to get on everyday so I could get all my efforts payed off. My friends in the café even chipped in a big amount as a farewell gift when I told Jackson I was now pushing back the café work, and would start my path in law school.

Now here I am, surrounded by my closest friends, in Lisa's condominium about to get the heck drunk, even if my first day starts tomorrow.

"Loosen up, Kim!" Hyunjin teased.

"Not funny!" I tried to sound mad but it was pointless, we were all drunk at this point and just laughing ourselves off. 

This moment I then knew, it was great to be around great friends to share such a great memory.

"Okaaaay guys, I do think we should slow down now. Jennie's first day in law school will be tomorrow, we don't want her going in drunk, right?" Mina said, saving my ass off.

"Riiiight," everyone said in the same drunken manner as they all dropped their glasses on the table at once.

"Well, I think I we'll go ahead," Hyunjin said, not as drunk as her sister and Ryujin who was giggling like crazy, "I should take Ryujin home and Yeji and I would head out, thanks guys. Congrats again, Kim!" he said as he struggled dragging both of them out.

"I'll drive you guys," Jisoo suggested, being the least drunk among everyone as they all went out and said their goodbyes to me and Lisa.

I moved apartment yesterday, since the area was nearer to the school than the previous loft I shared with Ryujin. I was now a block away from Lisa's place, and five minutes walk to the campus.

"Adios, neighbor!" I said to Lisa who was laying down the sofa, who would surely pass out any minute now. I made sure to clean around her place before leaving, enough to not make her curse the first thing she wakes up tomorrow.

"Jen!" I heard her faint shout as I was about to close her door, "Wait,"

I went back, leaving my bag off the kitchen counter and laughing my ass off seeing her all spread out on the sofa struggling to keep herself awake, "Yeah?"

"You're going to be a lawyer!" Lisa squealed, "I'm so happy for you!"

"Technically not yet. I have years to study." I laughed.

"Eh, same thing?" she tried to sit down properly but her drunken state was very obvious, "Are you going home now?"

"Yeah, will you be fine here?"

Lisa nodded as she patted the seat beside her signaling for me to sit down, "Do you want me to drive for you tomorrow?"

"You're drunk as hell, the only way you're driving is straight to bed. Now stand up and I'll help you," I said as I reached for her hand. 

She followed me willingly as we both struggled to go to her room, "My house is spinning so much," she mumbled.

"That's the alcohol talking, Lisa." I laughed as I sat her on her bed, "Okay, will you be fine? I have to go,"

She didn't answer anymore as I giggled and made my way out of her room not before stopping when I heard her mumble,

"I like you," she whispered. It was a very faint whisper. A very quiet one that if I breathed in I would have missed it.

"Goodnight," I smiled.

She liked me.

I always knew. 

It wasn't the first time she said it. It was actually the third time. One when we were sleeping over Jisoo's and she was too sleepy that I heard her mumble her confession. I shrugged it off, thinking it was just nothing.

She said it again when we were out for movies, when the actor confessed her love for the actress, Lisa looked me right in the eye and dubbed I like you.

I wasn't oblivious, I knew very well. And that's what's confusing me.

How can she like me? How can she like someone like me who isn't even capable of liking someone else back? She knew, she knew very well I have never felt love, and never gave love.

It was hurting me just as much as she was hurting, she loves me. But I just can't.

I left her condo and started walking on my own. I was trying to wrap my mind around the fact that Lisa liked me, and how I could never like her back. She was just too perfect, too amazing to be dealing with someone like me. 

She was all sunshine, she was happy. She was the type who would always find the good in everything, in everyone. It was a trait Rosie felt like people were abusing off Lisa. She was just too kind for her own good.

And I didn't want to crush her just like that, it was better to act like I was clueless of how she holds me. How she hugs me. How she talks about me. How she favors me over everyone else. 

I was too broken for her, and she was too good for me.

So with sad eyes and heavy heart, I went home. Home to where Ryujin wasn't around to bully me off. Home to where nobody was waiting for me in. Home where mom wasn't around to ask me if I ate already or how was school. Home where dad wasn't around to ask me about boys like the terror dad he wanted to be.

Home was just the silence in every corner. And that's where I realized,

That my home was myself.

_________________________________________

my schedule is finally cleared 😭

I'll try to update more frequent now, tysm for waiting :))

but, tbh i don't know how to finish this story anymore and sorry if it felt like it's rushed. I'll make it up on my other soon to be books.

<3