Alone

Apart: Part 3

After getting some painkillers from the pharmacy and convincing Jungkook that I'd be fine, I decided to go to school today. Not the best decision I could have made, because it didn't even take ten minutes before I wanted to cuddle up in my bed again. I've been kind of uneasy throughout the entire day and caught myself looking around for Jungkook more than usual, since he would go out with his friends tonight. My observations brought me to the conclusion that my rumor equally worked as failed. Although a lot of girls were too embarrassed and nervous to be around him now, the confident and daring ones only occupied him more. The dark side intrigued them and only made him more interesting and attractive to them.
Dammit.
I should've considered that before I blurted something like that out, but now I was stuck with this situation. Jungkook seemed very confused and almost uncomfortable whenever he was interacting with said girls though, which kind of relieved me.
Why did it relieve me though?
It shouldn't relieve me.
I shouldn't even care in the first place!
What was wrong with me?!
Making up rumors and calling dibs as if he was my boyfriend or property.
Yikes.
I must be insane and completely out of my mind. Also considering how displeased I was with him going out to party this weekend, I should seriously stay away from him for his sake. Maybe I was turning into the stalker and obsessor I playfully accused him of being.
Please, no.
"I hope you slept well last night because we'll be out all night! We're going to a party first, then the club and a friend of mine has another party we can go to, afterwards. Ugh, it will be great.", Jimin grunted in excitement as they walked down the hallway.
"Sounds like we'll have to carry you home by the end of the night.", Jungkook chuckled and rolled his eyes.
"I will kick your ass if you're not equally as wasted later! It's supposed to be a night you will barely remember!", he threatened playfully.
I looked up from my book as they came to a halt in front of the lockers opposite of me, where Taehyung was storing his books.
"Hey, guys. Can you drop me off at my place first? I need to get changed and look for my fake ID.", he greeted them.
"Sure thing. I can drive you.", Jungkook replied and leaned back to glance over at me.
I pressed my lips together and quickly averted my eyes because I couldn't even pretend that I didn't care about his weekend plans, although I wanted to so badly.
"How about we all just meet at your place later and drive to Lisa's house together?", Hoseok suggested and made them all agree by nodding.
"I assume we won't be seeing you at the party tonight, bookworm?", Jimin addressed me and made me scoff.
"I still need my braincells to succeed in life, but go ahead and kill yours with an excessive consumption of alcohol and other substances."
"Aww. Are you upset that you haven't been invited?", he taunted back and made me glare at him.
"I wouldn't want to be.", I assured and slowly got up.
"You could come with us if you want?", Jungkook offered with a hopeful tone to his voice, but kept his expression as neutral as he could.
"I'd rather stay at home and read, but thanks anyways."
His eyes slightly saddened at my response, but he quickly pulled himself together and cleared his throat as he looked at the floor.
I had this weird feeling that this was his way of trying to get me comfortable with his friends, so we could be more than - no.
I was imagining things.
He knew that his friends and I would never get along and even if we did, it wouldn't change much about our situation. We were too different to work out as a couple or just friends. I should really stop thinking about it.
"Oh come on. I've seen you party before. It'll be fun and alcohol is not a requirement for a good time. Unless you need an excuse to make your first move, baby.", Jimin smirked and made me feel like vomiting, while Jungkook subtly glared at him.
"Don't call me that and the only difference alcohol would make when I'm around you is that I wouldn't stop myself from throwing up on you anymore.", I retorted and shoved my book in my bag.
"I know you want me.", he groaned confidently.
"Only in your dreams. What you're doing right now is called projection, Chim. You would know if you would attend your psychology classes every now and then, instead of disappointing the cheerleaders in the locker rooms.", I snarled.
It was sadly not just a joke, but a memory I still tried to erase to this day. Jungkook and I were looking for a place to fool around and checked the locker rooms, only to hear how some girl basically yawned Jimin's name as he went down on her. We didn't see them because they were in the shower, but when she told him to use his tongue properly, we made our conclusions and quickly left.
"I have not heard any complaints yet... That is if you don't count the times I've been begged for more.", he professed.
"What else do you expect them to do when you don't last longer than twenty seconds? Besides, don't think too highly of yourself. Most girls just sleep with you, so they can say they've slept with you - not because they actually like it."
"If I wasn't that great, why brag about having slept with me then?", Jimin huffed and crossed his arms in front of his chest.
"You are very popular, although I don't know why. It boosts their reputations and that's all there is to it.", I shrugged. "You're just a steppingstone, which kind of means you are being taken advantage of instead of the other way around. See? Psychology is fascinating."
"This took a deep turn really quick.", Yoongi coughed and patted Jimin's shoulder apologetically.
He just slowly squinted his eyes and clicked his tongue as he continued listening to my weird speech. I didn't know what switch got flipped inside of me, but when the female entitled trash bags walked around the corner to join us, I blabbered endlessly.
"It doesn't matter in the end. We are a selfish and arrogant species. We thought that we were the center of the universe and everything revolved around us. Although we know better now, not much has changed. Only the parameters did."
My stomach weirdly turned when the girls wrapped themselves around the boys like snakes, heads on their shoulders and arms tightened around their upper arms, possibly squeezing their muscles praisingly and flirting with their eyes.
"The universe doesn't revolve around us, but we like to think the world does. Based on that and applied to our lives, we make everything about ourselves and who is to blame? The only thing certain is that you're stuck with yourself until you die."
Jungkook furrowed his eyebrows at me and politely removed his arm out of a girl's hold, but couldn't get her head off of his shoulder. The view was mildly irritating, but I could honestly only find it bittersweet.
That was how things were supposed to be.
Those were his friends and the people he should stick with. Those girls probably didn't care about him as a person, but at least they were from the same circles and got along with his friend group. They had more in common than Jungkook and I could ever have.
"What's left but being selfish then? Surrounding yourself with people that shower you in compliments because you secretly hate yourself and depend on those superficial interactions to assure you of some worth.", I continued and shrugged. "Girls sleep with you, so they can talk about that, instead of having meaningful conversations and their friends won't find out that there's just as much personality and authenticity behind their pretty faces as brain inside of their heads. None."
Yoongi's eyes widened as did Taehyung's and Jungkook's, but the others were kind of lost in their weird and barely appropriate exchange of physical contact with the girls, making me roll my eyes and lick over my lips as I watched them with disgust.
"But hey, it benefits everyone involved. You get your ego boosted and she can promote herself with that experience. That's why you guys remain an exclusive social circle. Only you can pull that off and be content with yourselves afterwards.", I huffed.
Jimin's head whipped towards me and shot me a glare before he stepped forward and leaned down to me.
"And there's the proof, too much reading does more harm than good. You should talk to someone, seriously."
"See? You don't want someone like me to join your group for a party or hang out in general. I'd kill the mood.", I mumbled and glanced at Jungkook, hoping that he got the hidden message, but he was still looking at me in concern.
I averted my eyes at Jimin again and saw how a smirk gradually manifested itself on his lips.
"Now that I think about it, I kind of like this dark side of yours. What else does it have to offer?", he rasped and made me scrunch my face irritatedly.
"Ask your nightmares.", I retorted and pushed him away from me.
"I'd rather discuss my fantasies..."
I rolled my eyes and put my bag on my shoulder before I replied annoyedly.
"Then talk to someone that cares."
He was about to say something else, but was interrupted by the headmistress of fakery and wet-shirt-accidents approaching us.
"Hey, boys. What are we talking about?", she asked with a seductive smile and winked at them.
"And there goes a prime example of what I just said. Remarkable, isn't it? How a deep v-neck is enough to make one the center of attention immediately. Idiots.", I scoffed and shook my head as I left them in their hormonal haze.
I only made it around two corners before someone tugged at my arm and held me back.
"Princess?", Jungkook softly said and made me sigh as I turned around to face him, only to find him with an almost sad or disappointed expression.
I hummed emotionlessly, but couldn't look into his eyes.
My heart kind of ached whenever I thought about him today and it only worsened now.
"What happened? You're not usually that...morbid and cold. Is something wrong?", he asked.
"No, I'm fine. The book I'm reading is a little intense and got to me. I'm sorry if I disturbed your friends.", I responded and held my head low as I fiddled with the hem of my shirt, leading him to take my hands in his.
"They'll be fine, but I'm more so worried about you. I've seen how your books affect you, but this was different. There was way too much...depth and honesty in the things you said. Do you want to talk?", he offered, but I shook my head.
"You're imagining things. Everything's alright, it's really just the book.", I reassured and tried to turn away, but he wouldn't let me.
"Why do I feel like there's more to it?"
I closed my eyes for a moment and decided not to tell him the truth.
"Perhaps you should read a few poems if you like analyzing and interpreting words so much. That would be better than wasting your time with me.", I mumbled while I got out of his gentle hold and walked towards the exit.
"What?! Wasting my time with you?", he questioned in disbelief before he caught up to me and stopped me from leaving by pressing his lips on mine. I gasped because of the sudden kiss, but quickly felt all gooey in his embrace.
"Didn't we just talk about that yesterday? Our time together has always been great for both of us. I enjoy every single millisecond I get to spend with you, so why do you think I'm wasting my time all of a sudden?", he asked, somewhat shocked and hurt.
"Don't think too much of it. It's probably just a mood swing due to my period or whatever.", I sighed and removed his hands from my face.
Jungkook was about to say something, but I cut him off before he could even start.
"Have fun tonight and...I don't know...be careful or something.", I tried to sound genuinely happy for him, but probably came off quite disinterested.
"But...Y/N, wait!", he called after me when I again attempted to finally go home.
"Give me one hug and promise me you're okay.", he requested and looked at me almost pleadingly as he opened his arms.
I couldn't bring myself to deny his affection, since I was still craving it more than anything.
"I'm okay.", I whispered as I buried my head in his sweatshirt and clung my hands on it as well. Jungkook held me tightly and rested his head against mine as he deeply inhaled my scent.
"That's a statement, but where's the promise?"
"Jungkook? Bro, where did you go?", Taehyung's voice echoed through the hallways and made me part from him instantly.
"I'll see you on Monday.", I mumbled before I quickly ran away, leaving him somewhat startled and even more worried.
As soon as I got home, I made another hot bottle, changed into one of Jungkook's shirts and cuddled up in bed to just relax for a while. I tried reading my book, then watched a movie and ended up staring at the ceiling before I tried to fall asleep. I couldn't keep my eyes closed though and continuously squirmed around to find a comfortable position, but it was useless. My body was all tense and my mind kept drifting off to Jungkook and what he could be doing right now. It wasn't like he hadn't gone to the club since we met, but perhaps only once a month at max. It had definitely been more than seven weeks since he had last gone, if I remembered correctly.
As much as I wanted him to have a good time, I kind of...missed him.
My hot bottle could never compete with his body heat and my pillows weren't as nice to snuggle into either. His scent faintly lingered around the shirt I was wearing, but resting my head in the crook of his neck and taking it in with every breath was so much better. Not to forget how safe I felt in his arms, because he has the weird habit of trying to fully embrace my body with his, as if he wants to cage me in and protect me from the outside world. As much as I usually complained to him about it, I found it very cute. This was only the second night in the past three months, if not longer, that we hadn't been together and it was kind of strange. I had gotten used to his presence and how much I must like it was only emphasized by the cold emptiness I now felt. It made me remember my first two weeks in this apartment when I moved out. Everything was way too silent and cold for my liking, since I had always been around my parents and they would always have something going on downstairs. Whether they had a movie night, a dance session or just endless conversations until the sun was already rising again, they were always there and I missed it.
The thing with Jungkook was different because he wasn't just there, he did those things with me. We had movie nights, game nights, dance sessions, wellness sessions and deep conversations until we fell asleep, not to mention the other kind of fun we had together all the time. I felt kind of lost and a bit dumbfounded without him. Almost like a puppy, not knowing what to do without its owner.
That was a stupid simile.
Jungkook didn't own me or anything and I wasn't a dog either.
Whatever else of a comparison would show that we had a good time and just belonged together.
Wait, what?
Did I seriously just think that?
Jungkook and I...belonged together?
For goodness' sake, was I out of my mind?! There was nothing going on between us! When will that finally stick with me?