"Take me down to your paradise city." He whispers lowly his hand searching for mine.
I look up into his eyes that resemble a cloudy day with the promise of the sun peeking out at the end.
He has those sad boy eyes that I've fallen for the minute I l...
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"Hi mom." I wait for a second before I talk again as if I would expect an answer. As if suddenly the grey stone would turn into a human being and give me what I want most. My mom.
"I hope you're holding up wherever you are." I say and squat down to put the little forget-me-not bundle I bought earlier down on her grave.
It's a stark contrast to the dull grey color of the stone.
"I'd love to tell you that I'm doing great and you don't have to worry but lying feels wrong right now.
I found some files in dads office containing your name but when I went back the drawer was empty.
I've been holding this in for so long because I feel like I can't talk to anyone about this.
The files said you were dead before the car crashed. That someone shot you making the car crash afterwards."
I slowly sit down on the ground not caring if my jeans get dirty by the dust.
"I know you can't tell me this but I just hope it's not true. Because if it is it means the guy who shot you is still out there." As if on cue a branch cracks in the adjacent forest.
I look up for a second trying to make out if someone stands behind the green leaves but there's no one.
I shake my head telling myself that now I even have paranoia. Who knows if she really got shot or maybe I misread what was written in the files.
I'm just wondering why they were gone the next day I went looking for them.
"I..I broke up with Zayne." I let out a small humorless chuckle which makes me feel like I'm crazy.
"Funny thing is I knew it would happen sooner or later. It wasn't the same since you're gone. I just thought I could hold on to a part that I knew you were proud of.
I don't think you would like me if you could see me right now. I don't want to go to college, I broke up with the only good guy I know expect from Sam and I work at a night club." I chuckle again hugging my knees to my chest.
I hear another crack in the forest but this time I ignore it. It's probably just an animal walking around.
"I..I met someone." I whisper while I play with the blades of grass on the ground.
"He was making me feel alive. I didn't even notice it at first and it wasn't long but with him it felt like I needed nothing else.
It felt like there could be something. Something bigger than us two and..I could sleep. I could sleep for the first time while he stayed beside me on the couch." I let out a shaky breath because I didn't tell this anyone.
The guy at the beach in my dream. It was him. It was Christian and deep down I knew it but I just didn't want to see it.
"But turns out he's just an asshole like every other guy. So I decided to work out things on my own. I don't need someone else to make me feel alive. It's stupid to even think that. People can be alone and happy you were wrong." I stand up while I remember some words of my mom.
