Dear Diary

-

Dear Diary,

He's courting.

At first, I thought it was a prank and laughed in his face. But turns out it was real. Ridiculous!

Courting?!

A relationship is the last thing I thought would even happen in his life! He looked down on everyone! Since when did this happen?!

I was so shocked and in aghast when he announced it to me. That's the reason why he's been out so often and asking me crazy questions.

He's been seeing her!

It left a bitter feeling in my heart. I dislike it especially when it's probably the typical maiden in distress. The first second of the news, it's as if my heart stopped and dropped like something heavy anchoring it down.

Out of nowhere, I said something terrible to him that I didn't mean and he was hurt by it.

I ran away because I didn't want to deal with him.

After years of trying to get him to interact with people, I don't feel proud of this progress when I should. Because instead of a friend, he found a lover.

I don't believe it. How can he find a lover now?! Loser old fossil that has never once been attracted to women! What a liar!

I'm scared to face him after what I said to him and worried too that the relationship might not work out. It's best that they break up in the early stage before he experiences real heartbreak.

I realized my thinking is messed up because I'm not optimistic about his relationship.

Why don't I? I can't imagine him breaking down. I never saw him in agony and I don't wish to see it.

-----------------------------

Dear Diary,

He found me and we talked. We made up and I apologized. He apologized too. Why did he? I was the immature one.

It might look like I wrote this a few days after but actually, it's been more than that. Maybe a year.

I haven't been writing for a while because I've been struggling with something I cannot identify or explain. My spirit has been.. Low lately.

Lucas has been in and out of the tower constantly. It doesn't feel like he's the owner anymore and I've been taking care of it.

I no longer see my friend as much because she talked about her sister's relationship with Lucas. Apparently, she's the one that captured his heart.

Pff. It's stupid. What makes her so special? She's just the daughter of a farmer! A flower girl! Pretty sure her looks are average. All he did was save her from a well she could've avoided!

Regardless, Lucas is still my friend and I try my best to support his relationship but I haven't been a great help because I always refused to offer advice and pretend that I don't know even though I read lots of romance books.

I didn't want to help him like it makes me upset every time he brings up his relationship. 

He told me if he should continue this relationship. It was a dumb question and I yelled yes without thinking since she's madly in love with him. That's what I assume. It would be cruel of him to suddenly break up after a year.
Ugh, why would he ask that stupid question??

He sees her so often and probably does gross couple things that I can't imagine!

Yet.

For the first time, I had desired something so terrible. I wished that he left her in the well. It was a disturbing thought. I don't wish to visit it again.