To Love a Gangster

To be in the Labyrinth

After another day of living in a thin hospital gown in a cold underground med clinic, Dr Meredith had come to the satisfying conclusion that it was finally safe for you to be discharged.

He had removed all of your bandages one by one to reveal all the scars that Arthur had left behind. The one that had caught your eye the most was the one that ran painfully down your abdomen in a horrendous jagged pattern as though a fearsome serpent had embroidered itself onto you. It truly was a revolting sight to see that left a punch in your gut and left you speechless.

Meredith immediately took notice of your quivering lip and reassured you that it will fade over time. But behind a satisfied nod was a broken figure knowing that Frederick had officially marked his permanent presence on you which you will forever and always have to carry with you.

                                      *****

No words were exchanged between you and Shorter during the journey home as soon as you could walk without any pain in New York's chilly Autumn under a melancholy sheet of gray.

It's not that any one of you refused to talk to one another due to any unhealed forgiveness that might have been present, but as if silence was the only form of communication that was possible between the two of you.

*****

Something about his place no longer felt like the sanctuary that had greeted you warmly like the first time you had set foot into it. Indeed the bright colors of his place eyed you as you entered through his door, however this time, they had merely just treated you like a stranger, only accepting your entrance from your return and nothing more.

No warmth was there to embrace you as everything now felt still and gray. Perhaps all of this was guilt you were experiencing as if you had betrayed all of Shorter's kind offers from your actions and you were now internally testifying.

Numbness. That was the only feeling that was left inside you for the remainder of the day. No other feeling was present in the hushed atmosphere you and Shorter stood under. No tension was current either between one another, but as if the significant other was distant even if they were merely just feet away. Expressions both painted monotone, eye contact avoided, and presence seemingly nonexistent.

Desperation for one another to be heard a ghost.

When dusk's violet finally became present in the window's seemingly remote view, Shorter had at last made his presence be known to you as he stood before you. However, the same feeling you had felt all day had followed him.

"Y/n..." he began as you turned away from the window to be greeted by his apathetic approach. You knew that what he was about to bring up would not be something you would want to hear.

Though you still remember his heartfelt tears he shedded when he saw you live through your fault that nearly costed your life, you still braced yourself for the worst in case his pity for you had faded and decided that it was time for you to leave him.

However, when you gave the cue that you were listening, he caught you off guard by a question that left you speechless in search for an answer.

"When you had originally left Arthur when I first found you in my territory, how did you manage to escape?"

That topic was the last thing you would ever expect for Shorter to ask you when there were so many others that you were afraid that would come at you from the surface.

Though there was no sense of negativity in his tone, the way he merely just stood there with a blank expression and shaded eyes made it impossible for you to read what was on his mind, making a cold feeling creep across your surroundings.

"Well," you began, referring back to that night. "It wasn't really an attempted escape."

An arch formed on Shorter's brow. "It wasn't," he questioned with curiosity sparking in his voice.

A feeling a blood draining from your face left you feeling frozen in your stance.

It wasn't an escape. It was only meant to be a five minute walk.

'But you decided that it's for the best and that you wouldn't be out longer than five minutes.'

You felt your eyes widen as you had a strong presumption at where you think Shorter might be taking his questioning.

"What was it then," he asked as he straightened his head up in wonder.

You bit your tongue as you know very much how he would respond to your answer. "It was only meant to be a five-minute walk," you admitted with your voice progressing down to a whisper.

A part of Shorter's mouth fell agape when those words escaped past your lips. "Only supposed to be a five-minute walk," he repeated with suspense growing between the two of you. You nodded your head while contacting a different object in avoidance of meeting Shorter's gleaming shades.

"And he just let you go out just like that?"

Is this guy dumb, you couldn't help but think when you felt your blood's temperature begin to rise in your own frustration. However, you decided to not let your anger show and bottled up your emotions in avoidance to repeat your last mistake.

"You know how I said that he had hurt me," you asked him with a voice so small and tender that even Shorter could barely make out what you had asked, but he nodded gravely as he recalled to the haunting time you had nearly took his life yourself and how you ended up cowering in his hold not a moment later.

"Yeah, I remember."

You took a deep breath in as you felt your eyes avert themselves to the wooden floors that were numbing your feet. "Right afterwards, he fell asleep due to exhaustion. I had only intended to get some fresh air to think things over and leave no trace of me ever being gone by the time he woke up."

A shimmer in Shorter's shades had caught your eye as a look of wonder had crossed his features. "So you're saying," he began with his voice drowned out by his own thoughts. "That you had thought about going back?"

"No," you said firmly in your defense that had broke the silent tension between the two of you, but you immediately felt yourself sigh and melt back down to your original emotion of dejected uncertainty for you even knew that was a lie you were telling yourself.

"It's complicated."

There were a million more questions that were bottled up inside Shorter that he was urging to ask as he stood there dumbfounded with a seemingly unreachable Y/n hiding in the shadows in plain sight. There was no way he would be able to meet her emotions now that she had completely shut herself off from the world.

Though it all felt hopeless to keep trying to break through the glass, he had not given up. All she needed was space in the mean time and let time serve its purpose. Perhaps another day. Therefore, he straightened himself up with nothing more than a hollow feeling inside of him.

"Very well," he stated, feeling unaccomplished. "Good night, Y/n. See you tomorrow." He then disappeared with a turn of his heel without another utter of a word.

During that whole conversation, you had never felt so far out of reach of someone. Everything just felt so cold. The coldest and the most distant you had ever felt from someone. Every bit of you wanted to tell him everything, however weakness only felt like your worst enemy.

Nothing felt like anything to you anymore as you stood there motionless until a dark memory filled your head. You had indeed felt like this at one other time.

Buzzing filled your head and the world around you began to disorient little by little. Walking to your room from across the apartment was a challenge for every step felt like a false stumble.

You stood before your door, hesitating to go in for you knew you would feel alone in a deep dark world. However, you pushed your anxiety aside and creaked open the door to be welcomed back in hopes to find tranquility at last just like the first time you had set foot into it.

The echoing sound of your door clicking shut was the last thing you remember hearing that night.